Yay, another poem for you to read, opinions welcome

[thatguy04]

Although its not for an assignment, my mind has gone through a phase that makes me want to write poems, and I find joy in doing so. Any opinions and/or suggestions are welcome.

 

Do you see the tree growing over there?

The one with the red beautiful flowers

Giving off it's aroma in the air

Its scent resembling the love that is ours.

 

Our love shall grow as strong as the tree

Blossoming beautiful flowers all 'round

With its leaves dancing in the wind so free

Along with red petals on the ground.

 

But with each great trees life comes its demise

Rotting away from our beholding eyes

But then our gazes shall lift to the skies

In which then both our souls shall realize

 

No tree on earth can represent our love

For it will grow beyond the skies above.

[Michael2]

Hey nice poem.

 

Your words really painted a nice picture. Keep it up!

[thatguy04]

Thanks, maybe I'll post a few more of my poems

[Pysal131]

its good. Suggestions though, because i myself am a poet in the making, try and use different words, have a broader vocabulary. Dont get me wrong, its really good, but i think you said 'tree' like 5 or 6 times. Keep it up

[thatguy04]

Np, its all good, and like I said, opinions welcome, so if anything, your helping. Which is something I would like to know, any suggestions on different words for tree, cause your right, it was used too much, and I dont really like repeating things too much. If you want, I have another poem on this site you could read. Do you have any poems on the site? Seeing your a poet in the making, I'd be interested in seeing some of your poetry .

[Pysal131]

I havent posted any on this site because I just found out there was a poetry section ^^ And yeah, id totally like to see the other poem, so ill check that out today. All my poems are on my AIM profile. My screen name is : Pysal131

[thatguy04]

Cool, thanks, I'll go check them out as well.