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My journal of set backs


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I am just going to write a journal here of the list of things happening in my life i cannot sort out or begin to understand. So any help in any of these i will be thankfull.

 

Here is the first part.

 

TLDR at bottom.

 

1.

 

Girl 1 is called "A"

Girl 2 is called "B"

 

 

I am in love with A, and i may as well say this to begin with, she is 14 and i am 17. Her mother and father have both accepted me, and i am very very close to her mother. We speak a lot every night and she fully supports me if i were to ever get in a relationship with A.

 

Started 4 months ago, i slowly started to like her and she started to like me. At first her mother wasnt to keen on it but as i got friendly with her mother, she began to trust me, allowed me to sleep over though in different rooms. Well me and A became best friends.

 

A has alot of health problems, she has diffculty reading, she hides her emotions alot, gets bullied in school and has had alot of her friends letting her down so she has no real good friends apart from me exactly who hasnt let her down.

 

Around New Years i asked her for a hug, and she kinda freaked out and i had to go, because she was afraid to touch me like that and was upset she couldnt tell me why. Heer mother told me has it wasnt fair on me to be left in the dark. She told me that a boy my age had nearly sexually attacked her and since then she has been weary of boys.

 

We argued a bit because she was really being funny with me, its how she deals with problems when it comes to me as she cannot show me when she is upset. She said she only wants to be friends.

 

As much has i hated that option i agreed and continued being her friend as i wasnt going to let her down as everyone else has.

 

So i go to Cadets, so does A and one weekend per month we stay over in the place we have cadets, other cadets from other squadrons from other areas close by come and also stay for the weekend.

 

Well in January we had one, and there was this one lad who came, same age as A and as soon as i saw i knew what exactly would happen. A and him started flirting a lot, and it killed to see them at it because i still have strong feelings for her.

 

I kinda left that saturday night early as i really didnt want to stay there, and watch them flirt. I mean why would anyone sane enough be at a place that you didnt want to be in the first place and watch something that will only hurt you. Well anyways B came from the same squadron as this lad who likes A, she is 17. Me and her became close friends though no feelings for each other expanded. After that weekend, me and A started to become closer, talk more and i would stay up her house more often.

 

Then valentines day came up, and a week before that day me and A had an argument over the smallest issue. So me and B was talking and i asked her if she wants to go out with me for valentines day as friends if we had no one.

She was happy to agree. During that one week me and B became close and i found out she cancelled plans with her on/off boyfriend to come out with me and she showed big signs that she likes me. A day before Valentines day i told her that i like and she told me she likes me to.

 

By now me and A started to talk again, and she got pretty upset when she found out i was going with B. She would never let on but it was obvious as her mother agreed with me.

 

I went out with B and had a great time as friends, though A would txt B and ask her how the date was and she rang me up asking me to go up her house in the night when was i done. I did and she gave me a valentines card and a few presents, i was shocked i really didnt expect anything from her and even though i didnt get her anything i told her i did, so next day i bought some nice presents and gave it to her.

 

The following monday we all went out. As in Me, A, B, and 3 others.

A and B are good friends to let you know. When ever i was near B, A would come over and push in near me and B so we wouldnt be together. and she was like this all day. Me and A had to go early as we had football that night. So we went back to her house first, and she sat next to me on her sofa, and started flirting with me. Softly hitting my private area and blowing in my face.

We ended up kissing.

Tuesday night things were weird in cadets, i went home after cadets and drunk a bit. I told B about the kiss because i didnt want her finding out by herself, even though we aint gong out and just friends. I though she needed to know so she wont think im playing both girls.

 

A told me that i kissed her, and she was scared. That was a lie, and we argued alot and she said just want to be friends and we argued alot that week.

 

Friday came and a mutual friends party was on that day, in the day time A started talking to me as if we are best friends again, we soon came to be within an hour. She told me to pop up hers before the party which i did. Before we left she was flirting with me quite a bit.

Parents popped in the room before anything happened.

 

We left to go to the party, she was quiet most of the night. After i left to go home her *close* friends were pretty mean to her.

 

Next day in early hours she told me to go up hers, i went up and her mother said hello and good bye and popped out. AS soon as we left, loren became really happy. She is rarely happy and that has gained her the nickname *The moody one* We started to kiss for 2-3 hours, and she said she loves me way to much to loose me, and really was acting as if she was my gf. Of course i know she doesnt mean love in love kind of way but as in a way of showing her affection to me. She did try to take my top off a few times but i told her no. Kissing was just fine. She agreed. Her mother soon came home. And we stopped. Her father soon came home and i noticed A was in deep thought and something was up.

 

When her family went back out again, A told me that she only wants to be friends and just friends. I was gutted, and told her i was confused, as one moment she likes me and next she doesnt. She said she is confused because of the age diffrence. After me being quiet for about 10 mins, we started talking again and she rested her head on my lap while i slowly tickled her head. She reached up and kissed me, and we kissed for the next hour.

 

I later went home and since then she has been acting strange. I told her mother about the kiss and she once said. I would prefer if i would hear from you if anything happens instead of from anyone else. She was actually happy about it and told me she has been waiting for that for some time now. Because i treat her well, even after everything A has done to me i have been there and not let her down like anyone else. I put up with her problems instead of running away. She also thinks A is having trouble with deciding atm cause of my age to hers.

 

Well, It is now saturday and another weekend in cadets. I was planning on going due to some unfortunate accident last night and also because i know A would flirt with that guy. But she really wanted me to go, and i said i would.

 

But then she flirts, alot this time. Why ask me to go knowing full well how i feel about her and this guy. Then completely ignore me and flirt with him INFRONT of me. So sick of it so i just got up and left.

 

And worst part is, she didnt invite him to her Birthday next week. So i thought yay a good day out. But now she wants to invite him. Sure it may be selfish of me not wanting him to come. But i do not want to spend that day watching them two. But i gotta go cause i dont want to let her down. And she knows that.

 

So TLDR

 

I love her to bits, she feels same way about me. Age diffrent is scaring her so she doesnt want to go out with me, as she is scared about what her friends think. She kisses me, tells me she wants to be friends, kisses me again, tells me again she wants to be friends but kisses me again.

And tells me she wants to be friends again. Flirts heavy with this guy infront of me which is really upsetting me.

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