What do i do

[solution1]

Hello all,

My fiancée and I meet 8 years ago, we met in High School. I’m going to give ya'll the condensed version; after about 1 year we had a baby together and basically started our life’s together. She and I have been through allot since then and I felt we had a strong relationship. But after awhile i noticed her start to give less and less love to me, IE kisses, hugs, sex, any romantic involvement. There are hot and cold moments, we basically go 1 or 2 months with no "intimate" actions at all. I just thought I was a really needy person and tried to not think too much about it. But recently I got really jealous over a guy who was texting her allot, and as a guy I knew he was basically asking her out on dates, and flirting with her but she denies it and say he only a friend. Well being the guy I am i wanted to beat the hell out of the guy but I laid back on it and tried to give her space on it. Well just recently we were lying in bed and I asked her where she sees our relationship and she said she doesn’t know. prior to that she keeps eluding to me that "your my best friend, you know that right?" well when she said "I don’t know where we are" she continued with saying that she doesn’t enjoy sex, not with just me but sex in general and she doesn’t know if she want to be involved romantically with me but wants to be with me. She also said I deserve somebody that will love me more and she feels bad that she doesn't. I asked if there’s another guy and she no, that would be easier to explain. - One note when she was younger she was raped by a dude, she said she has never gotten over that and always felt dirty after sex. I asked her if we were going to go the distance or not, i told her i understand if she has issues with sex and she should talk to a professional about it and that i would not leave her for that. I feel it’s important to have romance but I would work with her or do anything to help her out. I have no idea where to go with this. Im mad, im sad, im confused, im hurt, im scared. I have not one clue on what to do to help her situation and to help my situation. I don’t want to drive her farther away by expressing anger and or emotions about it but really I am completely lost. Any words of advice?

[High5girl]

So, I have to ask....you two are engaged? Seeing how you mentioned she was your fiancée, I would assume you are. There are some red flags here. Do not get married until these issues are solved.

If she is telling you that she doesn't know where you're relationship is going and doesn't like sex....it might be time to put the engagement on hold until she can figure these things out.

 

I understand that she was raped. It's not an easy thing to get over.

I do agree, she needs to talk to someone about what happened, but She has to want to do this for herself.

 

Have you asked her if she loves you or if she is happy with your relationship? Does she have any regrets?

[solution1]

I asked her if she loves me and she said she does, but isn’t sure about intimate relationship. She also talks about having separate rooms, I asked if it’s me, like she doesn’t find me attractive, but she says she does? I don’t know.

[High5girl]

I know this sounds mean, but do not marry her until this sex issue is solved. There's no need to have separate rooms if she is attracted to you, wants to be with you and loves you.

 

If it's just the sex issue, then it needs to be resolved. She obviously hasn't been able to solve it on her own b/c it seesm like it's making her more distant towards you. She needs to do something about it.

Sex isn't everything, but it's a very important part of a relationship.