Must be strong!!!

[rivergirl]

Okay I'm at the breaking point!!! I want to call or write or something. I miss my ex soooo soooo soooo much! He was my best friend. We've been apart for a little over a month, and it's killing me. We've talked three times, all his calls. Well, one returned call by me. Now the feelings of maybe I should call are creeping up. I mean he has called me. Last on Valentine's Day when I wasn't home. So he called back the next day to get a hold of me.

 

We did not have a horrible icky break up. We are supposed to be "friends" now. But of course I want more then friends!!!! And he knows that. I made it clear. I've never done the begging pleading thing though. It was a very easy break up. I cried a little and that was it.

 

We now live in different states and never see each other or hear from others about each other. I just wonder if inadvertently I am pushing him away by never calling. But also in the past if I call and he's "busy" he has a very hard time transitioning to the telephone so I don't want to call and have an akward conversation.

 

Ahhhhh I'm going nuts!!! I know you all know how I feel! I'd love any advice from you guys and any support you wish to offer. Thanks for any thoughts!!!

[DestructoBoy]

Hey Rivergirl,

 

I know how hard it is to not call. I'm probably the biggest failure or loser on this site when it comes to the "no contact" rule. So, I'm not going to say Don't call him. I guess I can offer what I've learned from my complete disaster. Don't call begging, pleading or crying! There is nothing wrong with calling but please be very positive and civil. Try to keep the conversation very short and have a very confident air about yourself. Don't let him even get a hint that you're at your "breaking point". Be mysterious and happy (I know it sounds manipulative) and I don't mean to coach you in any games of the heart.

 

You sound very sweet and the break sounds like it went fairly smooth. Keep a level head and think three times before taking any action! Never lose your cool or let your emotions get the best of you.

 

Your sign-on name really makes me miss being around water!!

 

take care girl...you'll be fine!

[spatzcolumbo]

Reaching breaking point does help, yes. But its doing it right. Reach the point where you can hold it in no longer, and then vent - use this board, punch a pillow, moan at a friend, but DON'T vent to the ex. there is no point - all it does is push them further away, which in turn will make you feel worse.

 

If you gt mad at your ex, and get angry and upset, where does it leave you? you feel better for about an hour, but then the base feelings are still there. just because you got angry at them, it hasn't suddenly changed the past - they still did what they did. Shouting at them and breaking is not gonna change that. No Contact isn't gonna change it either, but it can give you a much better chance at getting another go at it. And if not then at least it helps you to move on.

[forumjunkie]

I didn't mean that she should get angry at the ex it was more of a metaphor. I simply meant to not play any games and say exactly how you feel

[spatzcolumbo]

I see...well thats different then

 

I think that the ex usually knows how you feel - if the breakup is agreed by both, then there is no problem, but more than likely the one being dumped is not happy about it. So i think more often than not, their feeling will be made clear and obvious from the start - which is where no contact then comes into play - the ex KNOWS that you still want them, so they start to question WHY you are not conacting and chasing them.

[rivergirl]

Thanks for the advice. I know if I can just stick it out he'll call soon. Sometimes it is just so hard. I just want to call and have things be just like they were. Hopefully that will happen!!! I just have to be paitent. So far I feel pretty good. I'm proud of having not done and begging or pleading. I made it clear I wasn't pleased with the break but accepted it. Hopefully I will be the poster child for no contact...

Thanks Again!!