girlfriend problems

[swift2k4]

me and my girl have been going out for almost a month. well i really like her aot and from what she tells me she likes me alot.I jus feel very weird about this relationship. i have a couple problems because 1. i have to do all the talking 2.i have to make all the moves 3. i do whatever i can jus to see her face. for example yesterday i was about to walk to the mall and its so far away from my house and when i got thtere i was talkin to my friends and i had to talk to her and i tried makin moves on her but she liked missed them.i never had these problems before with my past girlfriends.she said the only problem she got with me is when i get mad. i understand that. what should i do about what i dont like about her.sometimes i run outta things to say and im very affectionate and come outta my way to make her happy. please help me out i dont wanna break up wit her i really like her alot. she also has a problem with me growing my hair out so im gonna cut it today just for her. please help me......thanks.

[caliboy]

I'm going through a similar thing about the whole being the one to make all the moves. All my past girlfriends were the the aggresive ones when it came to affection (holding hands, cuddling, etc), but the girlfriend i have now tells me that she's always been use to the guy being the aggressive one. I personally think it should be equal. I mean if you want to be affectionate with the person, then be affectionate! It shouldn't be "expected" of just one person. Anyone have any ideas on this?

[justagirl]

Hey guys,

Speaking from a strong female point of view, once they are done with want they wanted to do and are done with you, they'll move on to someone stronger and more confident in themselves. The stronger the man they can take down, the more powerful they feel.

It seems like the girls are doing a bunch of "well my other boyfriends did this..." to all of you. Are you sure they are dating you for you and not trying to make you someone they used to be with?

From a personal point of view, the last time my brothers girlfriend broke up with him she started dating someone new and tried to turn her new chump into what my brother was. It was down to the haircuts, hairstyles, same Christmas presents (clothes, cologne, etc.) that she had bought my brother, etc. Pretty much trying to make something familiar out of someone new. It didn't last very long and now she is back to the original chump. I love my brother to bits...but unfortunately he is whipped. I witness everything he goes through, all the pain she causes. The hanging up on him, telling him how worthless he is, not wanting him to be with her while she is with her friends, not very affectionate towards him, being a totally different person from when she is with him and when she is with her friends, only being nice when she wants something out of him, etc...but he cant see the complete effects because he is totally enamored with her for whatever reason. It hurts me to see him hurt. My brother is an awesome guy and deserves someone who respects him, loves him and treats him as well as he treats his family/ friends/ girlfriend. I was even with her one time, she was talking to the girls and said "I say jump and he says 'how high?'" That ripped me apart to hear some girl talking about my brother like that. It was horrible!

Each one of your situations reminds me quite a bit of what my brother has been dealing with. My brother has lost confidence in himself, his self respect, admits her faults and knows they are not what he wants to live with, and doesn't believe he can get any better because she has torn him to pieces and convinced him that he won't get anyone else and that no one wants him....which I know for a fact isn't true. After hearing the constant negatives for 4 years, he believes her.

Don't let your "girlfriends" take away the man you were when you entered the relationship. Relationships should be equal, not guys do everything....because that wouldn't be considered a relationship.

You can't get anywhere on a see-saw with only one person on....it takes 2 balancing it out.

 

Justagirl

 

[jellybean18]

okay,

first of all, amonth is not long enough to determine whether teh feelings that you have for her will last, so don't get caught up in all the emotion. A problem that i do see, however, is that you have to innitiate the conevrstaions. If you two don't have that much to talk about, then u should reaexamine what u both are really after, or if there's anything more than a physical/sexual attraction. As far as teh problems taht you have with her go, she prolly doesn't know becasue u haven't told her what bothers you. Believe me, there is nothing that will bring a guy closer to a girl than to have him open up to her. This makes the girl feel like the guy is actually interested in the relationship and that he cares about her. Maybe there are deeper things that are bohtering her abou tyou that you will only find out about if u two sit down and talk, you never know. Just be honest with her and also, don't chase after her somuch if she's not showing reciprocation back. You don't need that. It sounds like to me that ur uncertain why u like this girl. Why is she so special in comparison to the other girls around you? If you can find atleast two significant things, then you have something to work with. If not, maybe you should reconsider whether she is really worth all this trouble. Good luck!!!

[chrysanthelien]

 

 

I disagree with the idea that things should be equal because people have different personalities and different strengths. If A puts in a lot of effort, B puts in minimal effort, but both people are happy, things shouldn't be equal. The key is finding the right balance. I disagree with justagirl that the women are necessarily trying to take the guys down to feel powerful. It might be true, but without more info I'm inclined to want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Besides, who can be in a relationship and never compare their significant other to previous folks? That's how we determine how compatible a person is with us and our needs? If it really bothers a guy, he can remind her that she's not with the previous boyfriend for a reason, prompting her to change her tactic if she's trying to use that to change him.

 

Swift, I agree with jellybean that 1 month isn't very long, and that you probably should take it easy. Communication is important, so you shouldn't be the only one talking all the time. Since it's just a month, I wouldn't talk about it too much with her or open up so much because it's just so early. Did you guys date before deciding to go steady? A lot of peeps jump straight from "i like u" to "be my girlfriend", and maybe you guys just need to 'date', to get to know each other better before you open up. It does sound like you want her to be as interested in you as you are in her, though, which could be a compatibility issue or you may be overthinking things and might just need to relax and enjoy being with her.

 

My advice is to chill, find out what she likes to do and hang out, have a good time. And don't rush the physical Some girls do become more assertive about physical stuff as their relationship with a guy deepens, not all girls want to hop into bed or a long makeout session asap, so give it some time.

 

Cheers,

Chris