confused

[sismouse]

Hello I have been married for 15 years. my hubby was big beer drinker he gave it up when I told him I want out of our marriage. I didn't want him to give it up just for me. as he blames if he has one drink I am gone but I feel I am out the door any how. my feelings have change for him over the years. I work and take care of the house as he sleeps all day he lost his job 8 months ago. I haven't seen him look for another job. my pay doesn't even come close on paying the bills we have a seven yeah daughter. I want to take a break and get my head on straight but he said if I go it's over. I have been married to him since I was 18. plus he has bypolar. I want to go but I am scared he won't want to get back together once we both got our minds straightened out he just found out he has bypolar. he is so hot and cold one min he yells the next he is nice.

he plays all night on the computer until 4 am then sleeps all day I go to work in the morning and come home and make dinner and take care of our child. I have to wake him up at 2 30 to go get our daughter if I am running late from work. I work around her school hours. I really feel I need a break from everything going on I also feel I am holding him back from looking for work as he has everything handed to him from his parents.

he yells I need money they say how much. if I am not here I feel they won't help him.

thank you

sismouse

[Nifty_Swifty1]

My opinion on marriage is that its not something you can just leave to get things straitened out. You have to work things out together. If he need help and motivation, you have to help be that for him. Make him go out and look for a job. Find someone that can help you get things worked out. If you have to find counseling, then go and find it. Sometimes there are things you can’t afford not to do. Your commitment has to be to your marriage. You can’t just let him lay around all day. You have to find something to get him to change.

[bridey]

Perahps what seems to be a lack of motivation on his part is a result of his illness. Sleeping all day sounds like depression. He recently has been diagnosed, is he seeking treatment? He will need more than medication. While studies show that medication, or counseling, each on there own can produce results, both together can work quicker. You did mention money was tight though, so I worry that his treatment might not be what it needs to be. Are you helping him with his illness at all? If he finds you to be supportive he might be more willing to listen to you and take your suggestions. You guys could come up with mini-goals for him to meet to get his self-esteem back up and get him a job! How about outside support? Family members or a neighber? You sound understandably overwhelmed. Maybe have someone help you with your daughter, or someone to just listen to you. Get some help now, before you snap!

[sismouse]

well I go to mental health to talk to someone I have taken him with me. I am trying everything I can do to lift his spirits. he is seeing help their mental health also. She has told us it might be good for one of us to go for a while. his parents just say do what you have to we will stand behind you. I am happy they will support him in this. they have known he was sick since he was 7. But never got him help. I am trying to stick this out but when you don't know how you feel about the other person. I want the hot and cold to stop I want him to stop calling our daughter a jerk and yelling at her. he gets unemployment instaead of paying bills he buys things I try to tell him he can't do that and he tells me to stop nagging.

My hubby has never had a ny self-esteam I believe that's what he says. every time he quits a job or gets fired it takes him a year to get a new one. I am just at my last hope on trying to make things work.

[bridey]

OK. Good, it sounds like you are doing the things you need to. If you feel you need to get out, then maybe it is time. You can't sacrifice your own well being and certainly not your daughters. You can't help your husband if you become too tired and overwhelmed to help yourself. I like that you are communicating with his parents too. Just because you get yourself out of an unhealthy situation does not mean you are leaving your husband high and dry so to speak. You can still help, support, and love him from under another roof. I think it is important for you to communicate this with him, and if he can't be supportive towards you and your decision, well, that isn't very fair is it? You can't do all the work. I understand he is ill, but he has to do what he needs to do as well. There are certain things you do for yourself when you are ill, no matter what the illness is. Make sure you lean on your family and friends now, don't do this alone!