stillthere Posted February 21, 2003 Share Posted February 21, 2003 Ok guys I have a question for you or I wanna bring an example and wanna know what you think about it. There is a funny thing about me and my "ex". When we talk on the phone and when she sees that I am really in love and care about her and really show her how much I care she starts to be cold and to play around with me. If I don't call her for a while and don't pick up the phone right away when she calls me than she tries to reach me and calls me more often and than when she talks to me she sounds totally different and nicer….. do I have to fight against my feelings and to try to be cold at all the time I am with her… is that going to help our relationship…..but the problem is that I don't like to be cold and not to show her my total love… Ok guys what do you think about it….stay cold and "play a game" or give her all you love and suffer more and more… thanks Link to comment
cookies Posted February 21, 2003 Share Posted February 21, 2003 personally, i hate it when a guy plays games with me like that. I dont like to play games, so i appreciate a guy thats strait forward with his feelings about me as well. Ive heard ppl saying stuff like "well the ball´s in your court" or "the ball´s in his court"..etc, etc..but the way i look at it, if i express the slightest interest in a man, and he is about the "games"...id just say...u know what? Lets just forget this. The ball IS in your court,...yes!, but you just keep it. The ball, the game and all...im OUT!... I think thats very childish for ppl to play games like that...but it works for some ppl...im just not with it... When i go out of my way to show a guy that i care about him, and he basically ignores me,...i feel insulted, if hes playin with my emotions. We can not read each other´s minds. U gotta communicate in order to relate,...dont keep going back n forth like that, as it leaves very little room 4 the relationship to get off to a healthy start and grow properly... cookies Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted February 21, 2003 Share Posted February 21, 2003 With people like this it is always new and unexpected. She wants that from you too. She'll get bored easily if you let her. She needs things that are a challenge. She wants you to be always different toward her. Get to know her family structure and you'll see her mom is probably the same way. She probably has very high standards. You raise your standards too. Give her whatever opinion seems to be close at hand. Be ready to change and be aloof sometimes. It is her insecurity that is driving her to be this way. She still has to figure out who she is and may not know until her 30's. Support her down times. You may need to keep your emotions to yourself occasionally. Let her ask you for feedback. She is also probably very sensative to her own sadness, let her know that she can count on you. She is what you call "high maintenance", also narcississtic. Her baggage is that she is always envious of what others have. You are her soft place. Link to comment
SwingFox Posted February 21, 2003 Share Posted February 21, 2003 Hi, I fully understand the situation you are in. I agree with cookies that I believe 'mind playing games' is in order. My suggestion is to see how far you can put up with it. In the end a relationship shouldn't hurt. If it hurts you or confuses you too much, I would recommend to step out of it and let her go. You can't always walk on your toes over eggshells to do whatever makes her happy. I hope this was of help to you and wish you good luck ~ SwingFox ~ Link to comment
bleeder Posted February 22, 2003 Share Posted February 22, 2003 Hi Stillthere, My answer is very simple. It is so very hard to be in a relationship where you cannot BE yourself. Imagine spending every ounce of your energy daily asking "How will she react if I am like this...or like that?". That will drain you my friend. Relationships are very much like choosing your pair of shoes. When it doesn't fit, there's no point in forcing your feet into them. It will only serve to hurt and disable you. Decision is all yours dude. Best of luck! Link to comment
stillthere Posted February 22, 2003 Author Share Posted February 22, 2003 bleeder you are 100% right... i have just to see how am i going to go over the "love" part but you said it exectli how my days are... i never know how she is going to react on things i do or i say i have to think twice before i do something guys thanks a lot Link to comment
bleeder Posted February 22, 2003 Share Posted February 22, 2003 Hey, glad to hear that you will be making some postive moves. Take time to think about it. Let us know if you have any further troubles. The LOVE part might be secondary, when you are dealing with a woman that has the character of a maelstorm and fair days in one. Hear from you soon. Link to comment
cookies Posted February 27, 2003 Share Posted February 27, 2003 i also agree with the others, in addition..when ur in a relationship or beginning to form a new relationship with someone,...thre should not be pain of hurting...yes we do hurt a little sometimes...which makes making up such a beautiful moment..but lingering pain, indicates that something is wrong. When ur the one thats hurting sometimes its more difficult for us too see the problem in order to fix it,...but we have to separate ourselves from the relationship/friendship to see it with a more clear perspective. It hurts like hell sometimes to come to terms that theres "nothing" there...and it may take awhile, but hearts do heal. The saddest thing is for a nice, kind gentle person to be left standing in the cold rain with tears streamin down their face...with NO clue that nothin is there... good luck... cookies Link to comment
stillthere Posted February 27, 2003 Author Share Posted February 27, 2003 yea cookie you are right... it does hurt because i invested all my time all my love into that girl....and she loved me a lot at the beginning...only after i tolled her that i want to break up and everything after started to be more and more difficult.... she is very picky and i tried to change some things for a better tomorrow but the things that she wants me to change was indefinite.... my friend she hurt me by lying but on the long run she will realize (maybe she won't because she is crazy) what she lost I am trying to see things over a long time….right now at this moment it hurts me and it's hard…I look at my cell but I know I may not answer the phone etc… but imagine to be married with a girl like that and have kids etc… Thank you for your time my friends Link to comment
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