Advice on getting in the dating game

[jester5536]

Ok, I'm sick of being alone (female wise that is). But the "normal" way that it seems to be done around here is bar/club thing, which I've never done and have no one to "guide" me as it were.

 

I'm thinking that tomarrow I'll try going to one of the local bars and..... well.... drink I suppose; I have no idea how to act in a social situation, I think too much.

So advice, I'm painfully self contious in situations where I am alone and have nothing to do (sit and look at the ceiling), but I don't really have any friends who I can ask to do this with me. Everyone I've asked for advice just says, "well, go to bars, go to clubs". But none of them can answer the "then what" question.

 

Pity there aren't people out there to show socially inept people like myself how to do these things

[sweetapples]

jester5536,

 

I have never been comfortable in the bar or club environment and have never approached a girl while clubbing before. I want to go out clubbing one night by myself and approach girls. The only place I have the courage to approach girls is on the street or in the mall.

I'll do a deal with you jester5536, if you do go out clubbing solo and flirt with girls then I will do the same and have a night out here in Sydney. I imagine that going clubbing solo is a lot more beneficial that if you went with friends because when your with friends you just end up hanging around chatting. If there is anyone that has some ideas or is keen to get this learning experience started then please post.

[Tom_Bombadil]

Just so you know, bars and clubs aren't really the best places to meet women. They're actually more like "meat markets", so to speak. Not only that, but there is alot of competition. I wouldn't recommend bars or clubs as potential meeting places for shy people. I'd say the best meeting places would more likely be coffee shops and bookstores. If you were to join a volunteer organization, or take some dance lessons, I'm sure you'd find some ladies who would love to go out with a guy like yourself!

Good luck!

[amilasiu]

first of all, lemme tell you that it is so much easier for men to go by yourself to a bar than for women..... at least you got some benefit here. You just stand at the bar, observe women in an obvious manner, try to do some small talk with the ones you like: like a passing comment (i. e. nice earrings, blouse, etc., ) or just smile. See how she responds, if smiles and responds, move a level further: ask how she is doing, does she like the music and so on. Do not concentrate on one woman, you see one you like - jump to action. If no response, look for the other one. Just let them know that you are observing and interested. Those who like you will respond and will be easier to approach then. My friend uses this method, and for a man of average looks and egoistic character he is surprisingly successfull.

 

what about speed dating: you contact one of the speed dating agencies if there are any in your area, they invite you to a club to meet a group of women, you talk to each of them for a few min. Things might or might not happen, but at least you will get some other single people to talk to and drink.

Also I hate to advise this but if you feel painfully alone when you have nothing to do - smoke a cigarette. YOu dont have to smoke, but just for this moment. Then you can try and ask for a cigarette from a smoking woman.

 

I disagree with with Tom. Even when you are shy, it is good to mingle and meet people in bars. Afterall, it is not the wife you are looking for, just a woman to chit chat with and buy her a drink. Also, from a woman's perspective here, always offer to buy her a drink and I am not talking here miller light.

[jester5536]

My assesment of this situation is that I fail because I am NOT an egoiststical person, they tend to do fairly well from what I've seen. I'm the type of person who is very quite and reserveed around people I don't know. I don't speak unless spoken to (rude?), and I find it IMPOSSIBLE to make eye contact with anyone I don't know. I would say that people consider me to be polite to the extreme.

 

I dunno, I just really WANT to be social but I feel like i'm being a rude jerk if I go over and impose on other people. I realize this is irrational in some sitations, but I don't know the first thing about fixing the problem? I suppose it is at least a good thing that I realize that I have a problem, but only if there is a viable solution.

 

Further even if the stars do align and I'm able to actually make a connection with someone I have no idea how to handle the situation. It invariably ends up with me saying whatever I'm going to say as quickly as possible, then excusing myself and retreating for no apparent reason, to walk/sit/stand alone (kicking myself).

 

rrrrr..... I'm just so frustrated!!! My freakin roomate who never leaves his computer for longer than 10 minutes at a time and who has the personality of a dead ferret, has two attractive women fighting over him and the best I can muster is a 2 to 3 minute converstation with a girl.

 

.....Thus ends tonights session of Disaster Piece Theater...... comments requested

[Derek]

rofl,

 

"my roomate with the personality of a dead ferret" has two girls all over him.

 

Sounds like you do have personality and wit.

 

I would suggest some exercises to work up your tolerance. Especially eye contact. Try walking a mall and simply making eye contact with every woman, even every person that is walking by. Sure you will probably never see them again, so it doesn't matter what they think of you.

 

After a while, you may notice that it isn't as hard as it seems.

You'll also notice that many people will turn away and can't meet your gaze because they are as shy as you, or even more so.

 

Simply smile if they do meet your gaze for more than 3 seconds and go on by.

 

Might help you get over the eye contact thing...

 

Just like riding a bike, for people that don't have a natural ability, opening conversations to others just takes some practice to build up the confidence. Sure you will fall and get hurt the first few times but so what?

Treat it like a science experiment if ya like.

 

Girls that reject you in the first 2 minutes because of superficial things like looks alone aren't worth pursuing anyway, after their looks wear off in 10-15 years, they'll reconsider.