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Another Long Term Broken Heart in Europe

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Hey All,




Hm, not sure why I am posting here. Perhaps looking for advice? A quantum of solace ;-) Looking for people who were in a similar situation to chime in and help me realize that I WILL get out of this? I guess I hope this will be a therapeutic success story in the end. I look forward to announcing here that I am over "her".




It looks like I am one of those long term heartbroken people. I had a three-year long distance relationship with a woman that I consider to be my Soultwin. For me, she is perfect in every way. We had the most wonderful times. Yet nothing is easy in this world and things did not work out.




In the Summer of 2007, she was too frustrated to go on and a relationship with another man, closer to home, grew. She told me that he was a good man. She "had tender feelings for him" but was "not in love with him.” Based on that declaration I initially pleaded for her to reconsider, that we would manage with renewed persistence. She claimed it was too late: she started something new and did not have the heart to hurt this man. Fair enough. I smiled and immediately, as gently as I could, wished her the best with her new partner. I want what is best for my Angel. I will not intrude on her potential happiness with this man and future wellbeing.




I had asked her for no contact, but over the next few months, every few weeks or so, she would contact me to convey how much she missed me and was desperate without me. On the other hand, she was unwilling to start up anything romantic with me as long as she was with this new man. I was as consistent as I could be and told her that if you really love someone, you must let them go. If they come back, they are yours forever. If they do not, it was never meant to be. I wanted her to make her own decision without my pressure.




So it was every few weeks she could not resist calling or e-mailing me. Each time I had to ask her to contact me only if she was ready to go on. She would convey her desperation and imply her love but refused to share it. Every time this raised my hopes and crushed my heart again.




In April of 2008, she called once again to tell me how desperate she was, but she also had news: the new man asked for her hand to be married in August. She told me that she could not say yes to him but was not able to say no. I asked her to marry me. She did not answer. Hmm, I then told her that I would not intrude and asked her not to contact me. If I did not hear from her by August, I would assume she was married. August came and went with no word from her. In the Fall I found out through a friend that she married. In November, she sent me a birthday e-mail that I did not read past the subject line. I responded wishing her the best with her marriage, I told her I loved her as much as always and asked her to PLEASE stay away from me. She agreed (in a subject line answer) not to contact me and I haven't heard from her since. I do not think I will hear from her again.




That was November. It has been over a year since I have actually seen her and nearly nine months since I have heard her voice on the phone. I am still in love with her and miss her every second of every day.




I try to keep busy and Friends tell me I should forget her and that she was not good for me. While that may be true there seems to be a disconnect between matters of the heart and reason. Don't get me wrong... I’d like NOTHING better than to get over her. I WANT to forget her.




I tried everything from therapy, to reasoning, I even tried dating networks but no woman comes up to her heel. I am just not interested. Furthermore, I do not want to get involved with a woman only to realize and have to admit to her she was a rebound. That would not be fair to her.




Soooo – I actually do have one question and one thing to share:




When do you consider that relationship ended and the clock for healing to have begun? Summer 2007? April 2008? I ask this because it seems that it takes two years to get over deep relationships... I'd like to know how much longer I have to live in Hell. ;-)




If True Love exist as some evidence shows... I am screwed!!!!


www cnn com/2009/HEALTH/01/04/true.love.found/index.html?eref=rss_topstories



Anyway, I'll keep you posted on a monthly basis till I am healed. All it seems I can do is wait and try not to think about her.




Prisoner of the Sun

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This is the best thing that could have happened to you. There is no formula for this, only educated guesses that become true because you believe them. The same is true for the "rebound girl."


The clock starts ticking when you tell yourself it is over.


Be ready when she calls again to hang up. Nothing more can be said. Remember, she asked for NC, but did not respect your request.

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Well, she never asked for NC. She kept on breaking it and I am the one that kept bringing it back.


I guess the difference is now that she knows that I will enforce NC swiftly. I won't be rude but, I will no longer get sucked into these painful, frustrating exchanges.


"The clock starts ticking when you tell yourself it is over."

I don't think it is over. I know she is with a rebound and probably will contact me again within a few months, possibly by summer, to see how I am doing.


And considering she is 32 and with her 8th partner, I would guess her unstable enough to soon question her current relationship. Marriage might make her work harder on it.


But yea, I am prepared to hang up fairly quickly on her. If she will not give me love in return and a prospect of a building a future, then we should not be talking. I know I have to move on.


Hmmm, I think I am still in the Khalil Gibran phase:

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”


Here's my dilemma. I know I need to move on but I feel that she will return... possibly years from now. And then it may be right.


Hpmf! I hope that clock is ticking!!!

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The clock starts ticking when you are willing to move on.

So what I hear is that you will put your life on hold to wait on the possibility that a woman who has treated your heart like a port in a storm will come back to possibly give you more of the same.

That's why I said don't talk to her on the phone and let her drive to see you. That's the beginning of demonstrating she is willing to change.

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Oh agreed - I would need to see some real action before even considering starting something again. Sweet words and wishes will not cut it.


I do feel confident she will come knocking again -a woman that hops around like so will soon get tired of her current partner. They seem to last 24 mo on average.


On the other hand, I DON'T want to put my life on hold waiting for that to happen.



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i can feel u m8 because i too lost a girl that i know is perfect for me. She is with another man for about 8-9 months and i am pretty sure i 'll soon find out she is married. I too feel that my ex is an amazing woman and sadly, for me, no woman compares to her. (at least at this point)


Anyway i am sorry to tell u this but its over m8. It has been a really long time since u broke up and she is married now. What else do u need? If she was 20 or something maybe there would be some chances but at her age i don't think its likely for her to come back to u.


I know its easier to cut ur arm off than really let go but there is no other option. Also, i believe that when a break up is so hard to get over there are

underlying issues that have nothing to do with the break up. I know there are in my case and i am working on them.


Anyway i hope u make a "healed" or "got back together" thread soon (and me too)

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Well, as I say, in the near term (year or two) I do expect her to contact me again (and be very tender and desparate) but do NOT expect her to be able to leave her new-found security.


In the mid to long term if she still feels the same way about me and her relationship wears down, I would expect her to be receptive to starting anew.


However, for me this is the worst possible outcome. I want to be over her, the sooner the better. Then I want to find my REAL Mrs. Right. And if she ever comes back - there should be no hesitation... "I am sorry, but I have found my True Love."

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