Depression sinking in day by day... :-( help!

[kamui]

I'm 19 i've never had a gf and im becoming more and more depressed by the day. I don't have that many friends and i hardly have a social life, my life sucks. I see my friends (or their supposed to be) with their gf's and bf's and i hate it in the end when im out with them i leave them because i don't want to be around them. I really want someone care for to have to share my problems and to be there, i've been searching for ages and still haven't found anyone. Except for one girl but it seems to me that she's not intrested in me (who could blame her, a loser like me). My friends try to cheer me up but i just tend to push them away, even at college im distencing myself from my friend there and my college work which i shoulnd't but i feel worthless and depressed all because no-one loves me i suppose. Im getting tired of searching and im almost wishing that i could die but that won't solve anything.

 

I keep telling myself that there's someone out there for everyone and i wan't to believe that but lately in not too sure.

 

If anyone has any advice it would be most appreciated.

 

Thanks,

 

-[ kamui ]-

[musicguy]

I've been there before, I felt the same way that you do in high school, thought I'd never find a girl at all... but it's the way you feel about yourself that projects who you are. The more of a negative attitude you have, the more negative you'll be, the more you tell yourself that you are a loser and the you'll never find someone, the more you'll feel that way. There are plenty of girls in this world. To be honest, hbeing in a relationship isn't always bright and happy all the time. Here's what people have told me. "love yourself before you love someone else" Good luck, you'll find that special someone, just give it time.

[kamui]

Thanks musicguy,

 

It's not that girls aren't attracted to me it's just that i can't find the right person that matches what i want. I suppose im setting my standards to high for what im really looking for in a gf. With seening everyone around me being so happy with whoever that their with i just get so depressed. I just feel that i have everything that i want but there a big hole that's missing and i believe that it's that special someone that's needed to make me complete. But i tired to trying and getting no where i tried to make an impression on a girl that i like and bought her a Valenitine's gift she liked, blushed and then gave me a hug but not long after i felt alone again. This is the girl that i want to be with (she has no bf) but i try to let her know my feelings through buying her a gift but i don't know if she's intrested, and that's getting me down.

 

Im just have a bad month i guess. Well i have a whole week of doing nothing and being bored, god i hate my life.

 

Thanks for the advice earlier.

 

-[ kamui ]-

[musicguy]

Every person has their "ideal" partner and usually you don't end up with the person that fits your ideal mate. I'm with someone right now who I think its my ideal, just cuz she has all of the qualities that I look for in a partner.

[musicguy]

you don't hate your life, you just think you do. You're welcome for the advice

[kamui]

But this girl has all of the ideal qualities that im looking for i just don't know how she feels. She's confident in everything she does and says or unless that's some sort of front that hiding something. She's beautiful, smart, funny and caring i really want her when i talk to her i feel different i feel happy and as if nothing else matters in the world on if it's just for a few minutes. But when she leaves (im sure i spell't that wrong) i get depressed and wished i had said something more to her. I torturing myself of her as well but i've tried showing my feelings to her but i don't know if she's caught onto them or not. I wish i could get closer to her but at college that almost seems impossible and i can't see her over the weekends because she lives about 30-40 miles away from me and i don't even know her number. Im trying so hard and yet getting nowhere fast and i feel like giving up but it's knowing that she's the "ONE!" is what's sort of keeping me going but for how long.

 

Thanks,

 

-[ kamui ]-

[musicguy]

First off ask her for her number. Ask if you can go somewhere with her. You are gonna never know how she feels abot you until you go out with her somewhere.

[kamui]

I know i mean we talk now and then (when we get the chance) and we say "Hi" to each other when we see each other. I suppose i could ask her for her number and ask her out but again i have that fear of being rejected by her i don't want that because i like her so much. I fall in love to easily but i never get a chance to date them because either i get turned by the girls or me being to shy to ask. I wish that she would open herself up to me, i don't know why but when im around people especially friends they tend to open up to me with even their most darkest secrets but the funny thing is that i never tell them anything, im willing to listen to other peoples problems. I suppose i told people my secrets that it would leave me vulnrable (that's what i think anyway) and this is why i never open up to anyone. But this girl i can't to seem to pin her down i suppose with her being so confident that's what i admire about her and that's probably what i love about her so much including her wonderful personality. I want to strip her confidence and get behind it to really get to know her, i know i can't do this without asking her out but it to scared incase of being rejected (again im being a whimp).

 

-[ kamui ]-

[musicguy]

I totally know where you are coming from. I'm the same way. Sometimes you have to take a risk in life. Rejection is a part of life and everyone doesn't want to be rejected, like no one likes to be hurt, but it happens. If you ask her out and she says no, then maybe she's not the one for you. If she says yes, then YAY! Ask for her number, find out when she's not busy and go out with her.

[kamui]

It's not like i haven't tried to show her my feelings, when i talk to her i always try to show an intrest in her and in her personal life. One of her hobbies is playing football (she told) and i ask her how her game went. I really im try im quite sure she has noticed that i like her from the gift i gave her for Valentine's Day. If i did ask her out we would have to meet somewhere half way because we live about 30-50 miles from each other. When ever i like a girl the first thing that comes to my head when im thinking of asking them out is the possible worst-case senarios that could happen, don't ask why it just happens. I want to ask her out so much but she's never around in college when i want her to be and i only have 2 lectures with her . It's also finding the right time when i can get her alone because most of the time it's impossible to separate her from her friends. I really do like/love her but if i get rejected it will only add to my depression and i'll feel even more worse and then i'll be wanting to die again. I have the worst luck with women, god obviously doesn't like... period.

 

-[ kamui ]-

[musicguy]

long distance can be kind of hard. Try to see if you can get her away from her friends or if she's in a class with you, tell her that you would like a moment with her to talk to her. Rejection is hard, but unfortunately it's a part of life. You'll never know what she'll say if you don't ask her, but it's really up to you to decide what to do. If you like her and don't ask her, your oppurtunity might be gone and if you ask her and she's rejects you, yes, you'll be hurt, but atleast you took that chance and asked her out.

[kamui]

I suppose your right, i mean i plucked up the courage to give a Valentine's Day gift in front of her friends (which wasn't really part of the plan) but i did it. I say this now but when next week comes i probably won't do anything i'll start getting paranoid and then again running through the worst-case senario possible (god im pretty pathetic ). How do you read someone who is so confident i really want to open her up, but i think that her confidence is hiding something. Deep down i think she's a really shy girl and i have a feeling that she does like me (this is me hoping ) but she's shy and im shy and no-one's going to make the first move. I'd love to make the first move but im scared, why because i don't know how because knowing me i'll make a complete mess of the perfect situation. When im with her i always seem to show my caring / funny side i love making her laugh (i love seening her smile ). I'd be skipping lectures and not coming in if it wasn't for her, the only reason i come to college is to see her.

 

Im gonna stop here because knowning me im gonna rant on about the same thing again and again lol.

 

Thanks,

 

-[ kamui ]-