lauramed Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 My ex and I broke up 5 months ago. Since then we have had LC...at least every other week. Now it's almost 3 weeks with no contact. I tried to call him a few weeks ago and he never returned my call, which has never happened before. Since then I have left him alone. Today is his birthday and I want so much to get in touch with him but I'm just not sure if that is the right thing to day. Any advise would be welcome. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 No I wouldn't contact him, based upon the fact that my last call went unanswered by him. Link to comment
25thfloor Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 My ex and I broke up 5 months ago. Since then we have had LC...at least every other week. Now it's almost 3 weeks with no contact. I tried to call him a few weeks ago and he never returned my call, which has never happened before. Since then I have left him alone. Today is his birthday and I want so much to get in touch with him but I'm just not sure if that is the right thing to day. Any advise would be welcome. absolutely not. don't even think about calling him. he's already communicated to you by not returning your call. Link to comment
blue_dahlia Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I agree with the others. In fact, I think you stop LC and keep going NC. You're already up to one month. If you say Happy Birthday, he may not respond or he may reply with a simple "Thanks" or somewhat other unemotional reply. You will then be back at the beginning of your healing. I say let it go. Link to comment
Lissy Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 My ex's birthday is tomorrow and I have decided not to break NC and wish him a happy one. I know he would pick up the phone if I called since he still calls me all the time (even though I don't answer), but I'm not going to. I don't feel it's worth breaking NC for. Stay strong and don't make yourself feel worse in the event you get no response. Link to comment
lauramed Posted January 2, 2009 Author Share Posted January 2, 2009 Thank you all for your advice. I know that I have to stay strong but with New Years and now his birthday it just seems tougher now than it was at first. Maybe the fact that he has stayed in contact and now all of a sudden, nothing. My head was telling me everything that you all have said, the heart however isn't always as logical. Link to comment
blue_dahlia Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Thank you all for your advice. I know that I have to stay strong but with New Years and now his birthday it just seems tougher now than it was at first. Maybe the fact that he has stayed in contact and now all of a sudden, nothing. My head was telling me everything that you all have said, the heart however isn't always as logical. That happens; the entire push/pull theory. Him staying in contact (push) keeps you comfortable, then when he stops contacting you (pull) it makes you think, wonder, sometimes panic, etc. Make HIM think. Stay in NC. Your lack of reaction and/or concern will make him wonder. You're the prize. You don't need to chase him, in fact, you don't need him at all. Stay in NC. This will aid in your healing. Time is your friend. It will either bring you closer together or it will give you the space and clarity you need to move on for good. Link to comment
lauramed Posted January 2, 2009 Author Share Posted January 2, 2009 I know that you are absolutely right. I guess I needed others to tell me what I already knew deep down inside. I am the prize and he hasn't had enough time away from me to realize that. The heart surely is the slowest to heal, isn't it? Link to comment
ThisXmas Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I know how you feel. I am sure the heart is the slowest to heal because it was hurt. It does need certain amount of time to heal. His birthday is approaching as well and I don't know by then if I will do anything about it. It's a sad day because I asked for a talk by his birthday before our breakup to assess where this relationship is going (possibly continue dating or being in a formal relationship). I never thought he broke up with me before then. Even worse is that he is going on a speed dating at a restaurant this month some time. As soon as we started dating he told me this and reassured me that it was simply because it was a promise for accompanying his desperate guy friend. I wasn't that happy at that time and I think it is not fair either for the gals because he said he won't use the real contact info etc. Now when I think about it, it started not too right. With time I think it was hard for him to put himself in my shoes. When I said how about me going speed dating as well? He said he's not sure if he'd allow that because it's impossible for me not to be attractive to those guys. This morning I thought more about it, I decided not to see him for a while. If he doesn't miss me during the speed dating, then there's not much I can do. And also need to get myself prepared for him finding a new girl soon. So I think the best is to heal as much as possible first so I can immune myself from further hurts. I know that you are absolutely right. I guess I needed others to tell me what I already knew deep down inside. I am the prize and he hasn't had enough time away from me to realize that. The heart surely is the slowest to heal, isn't it? Link to comment
lauramed Posted January 2, 2009 Author Share Posted January 2, 2009 At least I didn't have the added hurt of knowing whether he has dated anyone since breaking up. I don't need to know that and I haven't been sitting alone either. Allowing myself to go out and meet other people, though he's always in my head. But, I am going to stay NC, at least for now and hope that he will miss me and realize just what I was to him. If not I guess I can only control what I do and not him. Link to comment
Imissher Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Stay strong Laura! I'm in the same position. My girlfriend/fiance and I are not together right now.. Jan 1st was her birthday. I want to call her so badly, but I know if things don't get better then I will be back to step 1. I will be hurting bad. Stay strong Laura, if you need to talk, please PM me or if you have messengers we could talk. I'm in the same place you are. We just need to stay strong. Link to comment
createhappiness Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 i had the same dilemma, and i ended up sending him a belated happy birthday the day after, showing him i wasn't resentful enough not to care, but didn't care enough to remember to wish him happy birthday on the actually day, lol. Link to comment
lauramed Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Well, I didn't contact him. Had to fight the urge to do it...I'm hoping that this gives him time to think about me and what it is that he's giving up. Link to comment
gee Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hi lauramed, He broke up with you ,right? Well, why would you call him for? Will it make you feel better if you called him on his bday? Does it make you feel better when you call him and not get a call back? You won't gain a thing by calling him for his bday. Good don't contact him! Only because it's his bday it's NOT ok to break NC. Heck yeah it's tempting, but stay strong. Let him onder why you didn't call him. Just let him be and give him what he wants. Take care. gee Link to comment
lauramed Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Well, I didn't contact him and it was extremely hard not to. 23 days of no contact and it's not getting any easier. I miss talking to him more than anything but I know that trying to call him is not going to change anything. I need to stay busy with my life and can only hope (not expect) that he will start to miss me...I didn't allow that after the break up. I kept allowing him in and out of my life. Hope I'm doing the right thing now. Link to comment
gee Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I need to stay busy with my life and can only hope (not expect) that he will start to miss me...I didn't allow that after the break up. I kept allowing him in and out of my life. Hope I'm doing the right thing now. lauramed, in time you will understand why you stood firm and stayed NC! You will fel better in time. Trust me on this one hun. I've been in your shoes and I bet many more ENAers, too. I asked the same question if I should call her on her bday. EVERYONE told me NO, DON'T BREAK NC! Guess what? I broke it and called her anyways. I didn't get anything out of it, but more pain. You are a step ahead of me when I was in your shoes when she broke up with me. Feel proud of yourself! You are doing the right thing! Nobody here is going to tell you otherwise! gee Link to comment
lauramed Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 The thing is the break up was 5 months ago. I allowed him to worm his way back in my life by taking his phone calls, letting him hang out once and a while. This feels like a break up all over again, except this time he just disappeared. I'm still going to stay on this course, but I can only do it by saying NC today and then go through the same thing tomorrow. Link to comment
gee Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 The thing is the break up was 5 months ago. I allowed him to worm his way back in my life by taking his phone calls, letting him hang out once and a while. This feels like a break up all over again, except this time he just disappeared. I'm still going to stay on this course, but I can only do it by saying NC today and then go through the same thing tomorrow. My break up was 1 year ago and have been healing only for 5 months now (w/ strict NC from my part)! I let this go on for 7 months and gained disappointment after disappoinment. This is what happens when we let them in and out of our lives after a break up. They do as they please and we let them. At the end who gets hurt? Yeah, WE do! He disappeared? So, you disappear now! If he comes back he's going to be wondering, where the heck did she go? Who cares if he disappeared. You're better off anyway. Stay the course. gee Link to comment
lauramed Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 I know that you're right and I was a fool to just let him enter into my life whenever he felt like it. My head tells me that I'm better off....the heart hasn't quite gotten there yet. I know it's going to take time. Laura Link to comment
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