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NC or Out of Sight, Out of Mind


twrtwn
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I understand totally about NC. I do not want any more hurt so for me NC is the easiest. Bot I have read many posts and am a dumpee from a "Grass is Greener" i.e., great chemistry, few issues or arguments, tons of fun together - out of the blue break with reasons appearing to be "grasping at straws" . Happened right before Thanksgiving - after 18 mo. I brought up "the future" subject and a month or two later - BAM!

My concern and question regarding NC is yes, absense makes the heart grow fonder - OR - Out of sight, out of mind????

In my case, my ex is a strong, proud, independent, stubborn man, who had a long marriage and devistating divorce and after divorce dated a lot until "along came me!" The "most awesome person he ever met" (his words).

I read the "Grass is Greener" pst by MayDay11 and the first part really fit - out of the blue break-up with very vague reasons. I live a hour from him so won't run into him or don't know if he made drastic life changes (doubt it - he's really routine) and he's not a serial dater type.

I just wonder if he won't just out it out of his mind because it is uncomfortable to think about - rather than remember all the great tiimes and that I was "the most awesome person heever me"????

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I'll be frank - I split with my ex a week ago. I think of all the bad things to help me move on, but I know that no matter what I do, in 20 years I will remember some of the things we did together, because they were special to me. I have no choice BUT to remember the great times, but right now it's uncomfortable to think about.

 

So I really don't think he's not going to remember the great times he had with you.

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That's good to hear. Thank you. The Grass is Greener theory doesn't apply completely because we are much older and he was marreid for quite a long time. But, I think, after 1 1/2 yrs., it was coming to the time we think about where this is going. I hate to believe he just wanted a companion and awesome sex but....He just isn't that type speaking froom my heart. Very stable and not a big dater and enjoyed the "monogomy" I believe. He said he's still be married (23 yrs) if she hadn't changed so much. He liked the routiine & monogamy and I believe he valued that in our relationship - plus the added benefit of fun, compatability and awesome chemisrty - just lived a little over an hour apart - which suddenly became the issue which was never an issue for him before (more my concern).

So be it, we are done. I must go on. Hard as it is. NC is my only option since he didn't leave it as "let's be friends" which i couldn't anyway. It just is hard to understand and the loneliness is so hard.

Thank you!

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I don't really know.

 

All I know is if there is a room of 100 men, and 99 of them are available and cute and have all the traits in a man I like... I would pick the 1 man that is unavailable with all the traits I don't like... and I will spend a year justifying it to myself why I like him and then I will be hurt when he leave me...

 

in other words... I have no idea what is right, what is wrong... I just know that I have been picking the wrong frickin men my entire life.

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There is only one man I remember with any accuracy or warm feelings, only one. Most, I forget pretty quickly. I had a chance recently to reconnect with this man but decided against it. I love my current bf way too much for that. We have been together 9 years and that counts a whole lot more than some sappy memories.

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