NC or Out of Sight, Out of Mind

[twrtwn]

I understand totally about NC. I do not want any more hurt so for me NC is the easiest. Bot I have read many posts and am a dumpee from a "Grass is Greener" i.e., great chemistry, few issues or arguments, tons of fun together - out of the blue break with reasons appearing to be "grasping at straws" . Happened right before Thanksgiving - after 18 mo. I brought up "the future" subject and a month or two later - BAM!

My concern and question regarding NC is yes, absense makes the heart grow fonder - OR - Out of sight, out of mind????

In my case, my ex is a strong, proud, independent, stubborn man, who had a long marriage and devistating divorce and after divorce dated a lot until "along came me!" The "most awesome person he ever met" (his words).

I read the "Grass is Greener" pst by MayDay11 and the first part really fit - out of the blue break-up with very vague reasons. I live a hour from him so won't run into him or don't know if he made drastic life changes (doubt it - he's really routine) and he's not a serial dater type.

I just wonder if he won't just out it out of his mind because it is uncomfortable to think about - rather than remember all the great tiimes and that I was "the most awesome person heever me"????

[Seymore]

I'll be frank - I split with my ex a week ago. I think of all the bad things to help me move on, but I know that no matter what I do, in 20 years I will remember some of the things we did together, because they were special to me. I have no choice BUT to remember the great times, but right now it's uncomfortable to think about.

 

So I really don't think he's not going to remember the great times he had with you.

[twrtwn]

That's good to hear. Thank you. The Grass is Greener theory doesn't apply completely because we are much older and he was marreid for quite a long time. But, I think, after 1 1/2 yrs., it was coming to the time we think about where this is going. I hate to believe he just wanted a companion and awesome sex but....He just isn't that type speaking froom my heart. Very stable and not a big dater and enjoyed the "monogomy" I believe. He said he's still be married (23 yrs) if she hadn't changed so much. He liked the routiine & monogamy and I believe he valued that in our relationship - plus the added benefit of fun, compatability and awesome chemisrty - just lived a little over an hour apart - which suddenly became the issue which was never an issue for him before (more my concern).

So be it, we are done. I must go on. Hard as it is. NC is my only option since he didn't leave it as "let's be friends" which i couldn't anyway. It just is hard to understand and the loneliness is so hard.

Thank you!

[littlestar]

NC hasnt made me forget my ex. For me out of sight dont mean out of mind.

 

The fact he hasnt bothered with me particularly with New Year and Xmas tells me i am sure out of sight and definitely out of mind....

[crab62]

I don't really know.

 

All I know is if there is a room of 100 men, and 99 of them are available and cute and have all the traits in a man I like... I would pick the 1 man that is unavailable with all the traits I don't like... and I will spend a year justifying it to myself why I like him and then I will be hurt when he leave me...

 

in other words... I have no idea what is right, what is wrong... I just know that I have been picking the wrong frickin men my entire life.

[thejigsup]

There is only one man I remember with any accuracy or warm feelings, only one. Most, I forget pretty quickly. I had a chance recently to reconnect with this man but decided against it. I love my current bf way too much for that. We have been together 9 years and that counts a whole lot more than some sappy memories.