looking for adult advice for my marriage

[hharris]

I am a newlywed.

I seem to want sex much more often than my husband. He's even laughed at me before for trying to initiate sex. Usually his excuse is that he is too tired or stressed out. Sometimes he'll stop in the middle because he's too tired.

Then there's other problems. He sometimes misses the sublties of getting me aroused. My coaching is ineffective to say the least. Anytime I have a suggestion for him, he gets very defensive. It often escalates to a fight. So needless to say, foreplay is not usually that effective for me.

He seems to only want to do things his way and I can never get it accross that I might like it another way. He always assumes I'm insulting him.

I would say we have really great sex once a month to every six weeks and the rest of the time I find myself forcing my orgasm or not having one at all, or not being able to talk him into sex.

He is almost always on top. I don't like being on top with him because he's a spaz when I am. He stops me constantly or just refuses to get into any sort of rhythm or sometimes he just lays there, which doesn't work for me.

It's getting very depressing. I need some advice.

Please, I would prefer only adult, mature, serious advice. Thank you.

[Athena]

It's not too surprising to me, from what you have said, that interest in sex is someone low. Think about anything we do in life. If it's something that is alot of work for not much enjoyment or minimal enjoyment, we will tend to steer away from it.

 

To want to engage in sex, I think it has to be a comfortable, enjoyable time for BOTH people.

 

I would start with your coaching. It's GREAT that you know what you need and are willing to communicate that to your partner. However, there appears to be some issue with you delivery of that information. If you are finding he gets defensive when you coach, then I would contend that you need to find a different way of getting your message accross so that he will receive it in a way that makes him feel more motivated to engage and not less. If your interactions are leading to fights, it's easy for me to understand his disinterest, I would be disinterested as well.

 

Being two individuals, yes it is normal and EXPECTED that each of you have preferences on how you like things. The key here is understanding and respecting your differences. Just because you like it one way and he another does not mean there is something wrong with the other person. You should try talking openly about that.

 

There are all sorts of different positions that you could try to find if there is one that you BOTH enjoy. It may be that you don't find one particular position that suits both of you - but that it OK. At that point it becomes about how to make sure the experience is going to be enjoyable for both of. You may have to climax at separate times - taking turns if you will.

 

Sex is supposed to be fun! An escape from the rest of the world. If things are not clicking, that means you need to do more talking than ******* till you figure out what is going to work.

 

Don't give up. Be a good listener and speak sensitively and lovingly to your partner. You will figure it out.

 

-A

[lil_mamarains13]

Apparrently you two are both adults with you remark wanting adult mature replies. If you two are both adults then you need to sit down like adults and talk it over. I would suggest starting the conversation before you try having sex. Is he working a lot to make him extremely tired. What is he so stressed about? If you know what it is and can help with the stress try and dissolve some of the stress for him. If all else fails you can also seek professional counseling. The best thing for both you and your husband is to be open minded to each other. Did you have sex before marriage? If so how did it change after marriage? Another thing is that the previous poster was right that arguing would be a major turn off. You two need to be able to compromise and compliment each other. I hope I helped, and I hope it was mature enough for you.

[routerx]

Most guys love it when a girl is on top. Not sure what his problem is with that.

 

Have you tried having him do you from behind? (doggie style) I would try new things and find out what really makes him horny. It sounds like he isn't that pumped about sex, so it's time to mix things up again.

 

Try buying lingerie, new positions, witholding sex from HIM for a month or so.

 

Sometimes you just have to take a break from sex to make it exciting again.

 

How about you hold a contest with him? 1 month, no sex. I imagine you would have great sex for the month after that.

 

Lingerie always gets a guy going. Don't take it off during sex. It's very hot!!

[Illhelp]

SHOW him! Read the other post I left you. It makes sense right?

[Sexlesssassy]

It is wrong, because I am finding more women upset about not enough sex than men. I have the same problem as well as a couple other girls I talk too. You are not elone.

 

One thing that I have come to grips with is that some men have a low sex drive (Including mine). I have tired everything.

 

At least mine participates. I feel so sorry for you and know how it feels.

[pchellak]

"How about you hold a contest with him? 1 month, no sex. I imagine you would have great sex for the month after that."

 

I am not sure if the above approach suggested in a couple of other forums will work. Using sex as a "carrot on a stick" seems mean and stupid. There is also the risk of cheating. I would think talking about it as mature adults without emotions or insults would be the way to go.