Me and my sis - just too different now?

[richie_nut]

Me and my younger sister have always been extremely close, to the point where strangers mistook us for best friends. We were always incredibly different people in the extreme - she's overly careful with money while I'm in a lot of debt, she's extremely studious but I dropped out of Uni etc - but I'm finding that now the differences are getting in the way of our once close bond.

 

We live in different cities so I suggested her and our cousin come to visit. One night we went out clubbing with my two flatmates, a gay couple, one half of which I would consider my very best friend. We often get mistaken for a couple ourselves but always laugh it off and he has seriously helped me get through a very dark patch in my life involving an abusive ex-boyfriend.

 

While we were out my friend kissed my cousin - not just a peck on the cheek but a full-on pash. Yes they were drunk but he did it right in front of his partner who I know gets touchy about things like this. I'd be just as upset if any of my girlfriends did the same thing in front of their other halves. So I kind of lost the plot and stormed out. My mate followed me, we talked it out and everything was sweet. Or so I thought...

 

Next day my sister is being incredibly rude when we take them out shopping, glaring at me and my friend behind our backs, mumbling things under her breath etc. My friend commented she looked like she wanted to kill herself. I wasn't sure what I'd done. I talked to Mum about it the night before she left and she agreed that her behaviour was out of line and that she'd chat to her about it when she got home.

 

Turns out my sister said it's "obvious" to "everyone" that I'm infatuated with my gay best friend, that I'm getting in the way of his relationship and claims his partner told her that I'd never find any other friends so long as I'm hanging around him. I brought this up with both of them and his partner assured me that what he actually said was I'll never get laid while I'm hanging around gay boys - which is true lol. Given my behaviour, which I apologised for numerous times, and the incredibly close bond me and my friend have, I can see how someone looking from the outside in could initially view this. But all our mates we've told this to find it laughable to even consider an attraction between us. I offered to move out if it was true that I was getting in the way and they both freaked out and said not at all. All three of us have always been very honest and open about everything, I have their word that they'd pull me up about any weird behaviour.

 

I really wish she had just sat me down before she left and got it off her chest instead of beating around the bush and acting like a spoilt rude b!tch in front of my flatmates and our cousin. We could've talked it out and I could've explained and it would be fine. And I wouldn't be freaking out my flatmates with talk of ruining their relationship. But now there is definitely a chill between us sisters which is heartbreaking given how close we were growing up.

 

She actually acted very similar when I first started dating my one and only ex. We were together 5 years and in all that time she was beyond rude to him. She once even punched him in a restaurant because she caught him whispering something to me. It's almost as if I can't get close to any male, no matter what their sexual preference, because they steal me away or something. Which is so not true; I've always put my family before anything else in my life.

 

Is it possible, with us being in different cities and our completely different outlooks on life, to just be too different now to rekindle our once amazing bond? I was home last weekend and she spent most of the time out with her boyfriend. Didn't even hug me when I came through the door, just stared and said "hi" in a deadpan tone while I was greeting my brother. I love her to bits but in the end...I dunno if things can be the same.

 

Apologies for the rant!

[hmdreamer7]

I'm not sure if you and your sister can have it the same either, it does sound like you are both growing apart from each other. I think your sister needs to understand that you're living your life the way you want to, and she needs to be more accepting of it. But, if you're both open to communicating your feelings to each other, you can definitely create a better relationship than what you have now.

[android]

Your sister's possessive about you.. If you are feeling that you are losing that bond, then you're late. Your sister has probably felt this before. She doesnt like it when someone else is close with you, wondering whether you love them more than her.. possessiveness can be talked over, but trust me, it'll still be there in the heart, once it comes...

[richie_nut]

Yeah, my mum said she was possessive too. I thought she might have matured a bit by now, that's all...it has been almost six years since she last acted like this

 

We don't really communicate well. Not lately anyway. We didn't speak for three weeks once she went home and were only forced to, very awkwardly, when I came to visit.

 

She doesn't realise how poisonous she was and my flatmates are p!ssed off that she had the nerve to say such things and almost ruin what has been the best thing that's happened to me since my ex beat me up a year ago. I'm insecure enough as it is and don't need ideas planted in my head that I'm unintentionally causing problems for my best friends.

 

I think some breathing space for a while will be good. I just hope it's not a long-term thing.

[android]

well richie_nut.. I'll keep my fingers crossed.... There's this something, you might as well feel better when you hear, you cant wipe off a blood relation... somewhere or the other she's gonna need you... But when she comes back, keep your arms wide open and dont talk about what all she did.. That will make you a better person (i know you are) and she'll have a closer feeling towards you... Dont fight poison with poison... She aint going anywhere... Just keep looking forward to being with her... forgive her... tell her you love her... things will help... and yeah clear her position with your flat mates,i guess they will understand...

[android]

and one last thing, hang in there k?