The saga continues.... and I still need advice

[pktmkm700]

I have posted about this before but i will give you a breif synopsis. My girlfriend (of 2 years) told me she needed a break to figure hersekf out. She is still in college and I graduated so we are doing the long distance thing. Myself, her parents, sister and friends thinks she is depressed she has pushed us all away.

 

I realize that this break is probably not a relationship issue, we have never had a bad relationship very loving, no BAD fights and so on. We had been making plans for the future, and now she wanted a break.

 

I told her i understand, that I loved her and would be there to support herthrough this. Things were weird but we still talked occasionally and I went and visited her last week. Things were weird when I was there one day she wanted to be around me the next she didn't. The last two days we were close and talked about whats going on, and held eachother and were intimate.

 

I asked her if she still wanted a break and she said yes, I reassured her I was there for her and that I loved her. She said she still loved me. I asked her how much space she needs and she said its day to day.

 

I have sen her some emails to let her no I was thining about her, not talking aboiut anything serious just how my day was nothign about the relationship. I got nothing back. Talked to her on the phone yesterday she wasn't to happy.

 

I am thinking about breaking it off, she doesn't seem to appriciate what I amdoing for her, by supportng her though a rough time in her life. I feel like I am doing a selfish thing here I love her so much but I feel like if I keep tis up she is only going to play tis game longer knowing that I will be there for her when she wants it.

 

any advice

[xc460]

pktmkm,

 

Definitely a difficult situation.

I guess she is ovbiously depressed about something, i am sure like you say the break is nothing to do with the relationship.

This is going to sound a bit strange, but I've been through a similar experience.

It is possible that she is unaware of her mood state or depression levels shall we say. you think she is playing a sort of game with you \ your emotions or something. First of all, you have known her for two years (maybe longer). Does this seem like something she would be capable of? Personally, i don't believe she would be playing games, if she is really in a depressed state.

i went through some depression and my attitude \ manner towards people, especially those close to me, changed dramatically from day to day.

it is something i was half aware of, but only really able to realise after the situtation had occurred.

By space (or a break), does she mean just you, or is she withdrawing from everyone who is close to her? if it is not just you, it is unlikely she is playing games.

it sounds like she needs your support and help through whatever she is trying to deal with (as much as it may seem she doesnt)

i would reccommend standing by her if you feel it is right.

hopefully, she will manage to overcome the depression, and she will remember and be grateful for all your support.

 

Best of luck.

[pktmkm700]

Well she called me last night right after I posted this. I really was under the assumption that she didn't want to talk to me. After much debate to myself I decided I was going to hang in there through this depression she is going through. I think I know deep down she appriciates the fatc that I am here for her to talk to if she needs it. I don't bring up anything that is going on I figure if she wants to talk about it she will. I just wish she wouldn't have decided that she needs a break from the relationship.

 

I don't know if I did the right thing but I decided to get her a Valentines gift. I am not expecting one from her so I am not going to be surprised if I don't receive one. Do you think i should have gotten her the gift?

 

When deprssion hits your girlfriend its the hardest thing especially when they are in denial

[xc460]

Well I bet you were glad to hear from her!

There is no doubt that she would appreciate being able to confide in you at any time, especially a difficult time for her such as this.

Your decision not to talk about the relationship between you is a good one.

As much as I'm sure you are longing to know what she is feeling and when the "break" will end, it is most possibly something she is not even thinking about, and is unaware of the painful effects this is having on you.

However, her calling you to talk is a good sign that she is still thinking about you a lot. Her deciding she wants a break from the relationship was most probably for what she said, to sort her feelings out. For instance, if she was aware that she was becoming increasingly depressed to begin with, she may have used the "break" to slightly distance herself from you to determine if the depression was anything to do with the two of you. On the other hand, it is also possible she didn't want you to see her in the depressed state, because she didnt want you to think you were the cause of her depression.

She probably just doesn't want to make you unhappy by sharing her depression. i know it will seem to you like you would have been happier without the break, by trying to help her work through it, but if she is withdrawing from everyone this wouldn't have seemed like a good option to her when she made the choice.

 

I think the Valentines gift was a good idea, to let her know you still care for her. Remember, you have been together for two years, and I am sure her feelings for you have not just vanished, most likely just clouded by other emotions or problems. I am sure she will appreciate the gift, and be grateful that you are thinking of her.

 

Depression is a strange thing. When I was depressed I also found myself in denial - saying to myself and everyone around me that I was not depressed. I did not have a girlfriend at the time, which in hindsight was probably a good thing. I feel that I might have done the same thing as she did, in order not to depress my partner further, had I been with someone at the time.

I started noticing that everyone said I seemed depressed and withdrawn.

I dismissed their comments, and continued about my life. However, I ended up noticing myself I did not see family and friends hardly at all. I started thinking about the depression consciously from this point on. Every day I made extra effort to be nice to people, and chat and smile. It took a fair while, but I feel things are back to normal.

When she says the space she needs is day to day, I can relate to that. My mood towards contacting people changed greatly from hour to hour when I was depressed.

 

I am sure she will overcome the depression and things will return to a happy state between you.

 

Good luck!