Thinks Valentines Day is stupid

[confused79]

Ok I've been dating this guy for about six months. He isn't really romantic but I really enjoy being around this guy. I feel like I'm falling in love. He did mention over the phone a coupleof weeks ago that he loved me. He hasn't said it since. Recently, I asked him if we would do something for valentines day and he said maybe. Then today he says its a hallmark holiday and that its stupid. An occasional thoughtful gift or flowers or something like that would mean the world to me. I tell him how much he means to me and that it hurts when his says that valentines day is stupid. I think hes still bitter about a marriage that ended after 6 months that happened 5 years ago and how my psycho ex roommate hurt him. I don't know how to help him get over this bitterness and open up to me. He says that he doesn't want to get hurt again and thats why he keeps his distance but its starting to hurt me more and more each time. what do i do? as strange as it may sound, i think i love him

[amilasiu]

Regarding the stupidity of Valentines day: my bf thinks so too and I disagree. Our solution: love can be shown any day. Suggest him to go to romantic dinner and exchange small presents or what have you before or after the v-day. That way his feelings of dislike for Feb 14 are respected and you get your romantic love-relationship celebration. Do not get upset, after all it is just a day, you both can have your love days any time.

 

Regarding his distance, it is not an easy topic. Risk is - he may never open up. If you think you are willing to take this risk - go for it. If you are not in love with him yet, take your emotions slowly. If it is too late for that still give him the distance he wants, putting pressure will not help much if at all. What do your instincts say? Do you feel you have a chance of helping him?

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I think you really need to look at what you want out of a relationship. If you want the romance, then you're with the wrong guy. People think they can change the person there with so that they meat the expectations that they have, but the sad reality is that things don't work that way. True the guy may have been hurt in the past, but he is who he is. You seem to have done all that you can, and now you have to decide whether or not your willing to live with who he is. He is who he is and if that hurts you then it really isn't a good relationship.

[Athena]

Relationships are about getting what we want/need and giving to the other person what they want/need. That said, if an acknowledgement on Valentines day is important to you and he knows that, it would be a loving act for him to make a gesture on V-Day, regardless of what he thinks of the holiday.

 

He's being pretty open with you about not wanting to get involved deeply with you. I would not take that lightly unless it's OK with you to love someone who does not love you back perhaps as much as you might need, i.e. sending Valentines Day gestures......

 

-A

[confused79]

Well we started this conversation days ago and I brought it up again today online. I told him how I felt but bc we are both at work we both are busy and through instant messanger its hard to talk we will talk about it later. I just want him to know that Valentine's day is important to me, regardless of what he thinks of it. We need to compromise somehow... I just want him to be able to express his feelings to me somehow bc sometimes it is really hard to read how he is feeling about us dating. I am trying to take things slowly with him but I can't help falling in love with him. I think he's starting to feel the same way about me but through Valentine's day I thought he'd be able to show me. I do a lot for him, show him and tell him how much I care for him and I just hope to get the same in return so that I know I'm not wasting my time with him bc I really do hope things can grow and develop a future together. Sometimes I think he thinks about himself too much and not about me in order to protect himself or thinking that he's the only one that has been hurt in past relationships. How to I get him to realize I'm there for him and I'm not in this relationship with him to hurt him? I do love him and thats what makes this little valentine's thing hurt. thanks again for your support and help.