Eternal Jinx On My Mishandled Life

[Guest eternaljynx]

It's taken me two months to muster up enough courage to start writing again. This time, I've taken it to the Internet...as my black spiral bound notebook doesn't seem as inviting as it did in 11th grade.

 

Many (people) would assume that as I approach 30 I have the 'perfect life'. A good man, a home, a car...no "drama". Ah, what fools. Instead I continually get pounded with those dreaded questions that make me want to pull out my hair and light it on fire. (Note: My writing can lean to the extreme sarcasm category. Fair warning.)

 

As the scent of burning hair would actually be refreshing compared to hearing these awful utterances....

 

1) "Are you married to him yet? What are you waiting for?"

2) "So, when are you having kids? What are you waiting for?"

3) "When are you going to buy something new, save the planet, jump off the nearest bridge?"

4) "What illness do you have again? Can't you fix it?"

5) "How in the hell can you be so miserable when everyone wants what you've got?"

 

Okay, #5 is what I ask myself daily. I've done the "grass is always greener" thing. I believe I've accomplished it 5 or 6 times in my short time on Earth. Maybe 'accomplish' isn't the word I'm looking for...rather...'screwed it up' may be the correct phrase.

 

I don't foresee this a a doom-and-gloom attempt to summarize my existence on this planet. On occasion, it could be dark and brooding or bubbly and on the verge of nausea. Please feel free to comment via messaging. I'd include them in the journal -- but I would rather have a chance to write without response directly on the entries. It helps the flow...

 

I need this space as a way to read, write and then re-read my thoughts, memories and wishes...while sharing them with others. I hope to answer my own questions through time and possibly just writing everything down -- that I've been keeping inside for over 8 years -- can help me accomplish that.

 

If you're reading this now or in the future, I hope you enjoy. Laugh at my dorky ways; scream at my idiotic screw-up moments; realize that you're not the only one. As I've read and looked through other posts and journals on this site, it's made me realize that I'm not crazy for wanting to make this journey into my past and present public. It's actually rather sane.