My Life

[taylor21]

I actually used to keep an online journal when I was a little bit younger and really enjoyed it. I feel like it really helped in expressing my thoughts and emotions on a regular basis. Being apart of the 21st century, obviously it was kept online. lol

 

Well, I'm kind of in a pickle right now and it's taking a toll on me emotionally. I think starting back up with a journal would really help so I'm not bottling up all of these thoughts running through my head.

 

It's really late right now and I'm a little too tired to put up my first deep entry. I was just really excited about my new idea and plan for action, that I couldn't resist at least getting it started! lol

 

Tomorrow's my complete day off; I don't have class and I'm currently jobless, so I get to sleep in and catch up on some things around the house. I've got a huge pile of laundry that's begging to be done! That and some tidying up around wouldn't hurt.

 

Well, happy 1st entry! I look forward to really diving into this come tomorrow. For now, I'm gonna finish chatting with the boyfriend and then hit the sack.

 

Goodnite! =]

[taylor21]

So today was a pretty laid back and relaxing day.

 

I got to sleep in a little bit, which was very nice for a change! I got up and had to run a few errands. Nothing serious. Came back home, ate, and just lounged around. Eric* (my boyfriend) left to go home for Christmas break yesterday; I already miss him! I was supposed to go over to his place tonight (obviously not to see him), but to get together with Calvin's* (Eric's roommate) g/f, Kim*, and hang out. She found out she actually has to close up at work tonight, so that's a no-go. I think I'll just watch a movie tonight and relax some more. The guide says "Untraceable" is coming on in 10 mins, so maybe I'll check that out since I've never seen that one before.

 

I've been having a lot of thoughts on my mind lately. ( ) I was chatting with Eric online last night and came SO close t telling him about the whole situation. I told him I was gonna start keeping a journal online just to vent to on a regular basis. He said that it sounded like a good idea. Then he asked me if everything was ok and if there was anything I specifically wanted to talk to him about. My heart paused for a second. I seriously contemplated just telling him...right then. Before I could type the confession, I chickened out. I'm just so scared of all the problems this will cause. But the advice that I've received on this site had really helped and I think that's the only reason why I even came that close. Hopefully I'll build up the courage to tell him soon.

 

Well, I think that's about it for now. The movie's going to start soon, so I'm going to go ahead and cut this one short. I'll probably update again sometime this weekend! =]

[taylor21]

Wow...I haven't written on here in a long time! I actually forgot I had this thing for a minute. lol

 

So, what's new...I'm on Christmas break right now and have just been spending time with the family. Definitely enjoying the break and relaxing around the house. I really miss all my buddies from school and Eric! I went to this little high school reunion party an old friend of mine was throwing. That was really fun; I hadn't seen some of those people in a couple of years. Other than that...I've been having a rather uneventful holiday break...which isn't a bad thing! lol

 

I have a countdown going...I'm flying on the 31st to see my boyfriend and his family! Before he drove home for break he told me that for Christmas he really wanted me to fly to his hometown to visit him and meet his family. Then we could just drive back to school together. So I went online and found a reasonable one-way ticket. I'm so excited! And kind of nervous. He speaks so highly of me...what if I fall short of expectations? lol, I just hope they approve...I'm the first girl he's ever brought home. Sounds like this is getting pretty serious! lol, I really care about him and still think we have lots of growing to do, but look forward to the time we'll spend together evolving. I'm definitely in no rush. I have med school to look forward to in another 2 years and he'll be doing grad school next year unless he finds the job he wants straight out of college. Anyways, I'll be sure update on how the trip goes!

 

An update on my other situation I posted a while ago...still no real change. Eric and I were talking on the phone one night about relationships and things. We touched on cheating and I kind of kept that part of the discussion going for a while so I could just get a feel on his thoughts regarding the issue. His response wasn't exactly what I was hoping for. Obviously I don't expect him to be ok with cheating and I realize that I didn't exactly cheat. But we talked about staying in a relationship after infidelity and he told me that he couldn't do it. Basically, he said that he doesn't think he could stay in a relationship after his SO cheated because he knows that even if he were to forgive the person...he would still always think about the fact that his SO was physical with someone else and wouldn't be able to go on in a normal relationship. That scared me farther away from telling him anything. I'm afraid it would ruin our relationship because even though I'm not at fault...he wouldn't be able to get over the thought of someone getting physical with me. I still don't know what to do with that one. For now, it'll remain under wraps. =/

 

I think this has been a pretty decent entry. lol, Plus..."Daddy's Little Girls" just came on tv, so I'm going to go watch that. This Idris Elba is really growing on me. He has that handsome, mature, older guy thing going for him. lol, I think I'm a fan!

 

Oh, and I wasn't too fond of "Untraceable". A little yucky for me. lol, Nite all! =]

[taylor21]

New entry! So, I've been running around like crazy trying to get some stuff in order for school. It's really been ridiculous! I've finally gotten it all taken care of and have some chill time to spare. I have sooo much to update on!

 

First things first...my visit to meet Eric's family went great! I absolutely love his entire family! They were all so sweet and welcoming. I was only there for 3 days, but we pretty much packed those 3 days so I could meet everyone.

 

I arrived at 10 am and Errol brought me to his house to drop off my stuff and meet his dad (his mother was at work). Then we left to grab some breakfast and went by his aunt's house. She was really sweet and has a doggy just like mine! lol, After that we went to his pastor's house. Eric has always had a really close relationship with his pastor and actually lived with him for about a year during his high school years. I always hear so much about him, so it was really great to finally meet him. After that we stopped to pick up his brother and niece to bring back to his house. His niece was seriously the cutest little girl I have ever seen! So precious and such a daddy's girl! Those two are completely inseparable. lol, I met his mom and she was super nice. Eric really could be his mother's twin...minus the hair and make-up! lol, That night we went to Eric's church to bring in the new year. That was really great and I couldn't have thought of a better way to bring in the new year. The next morning Eric got a phone call from his pastor letting him know how pleased he was to have met me and he thinks that he found a really great young lady. That meant so much! The next day and a half incorporated even more visits and were equally wonderful. We finally made the long trek home...7 amazing hours of driving. lol, He drove the first half and I drove the last.

 

By the next day, all of Eric's roommates and their g/f's were back in town. Everyone wanted to have a party amongst ourselves to kinda celebrate the new year and bring in the 2nd semester. I was down for the idea, but worried about drinking and being around Tony.

 

Second update...since the initial incident, I make sure to never be in a room alone with Tony...sober or not. And obviously we aren't as close as we once were. Well, we all drank and we all had fun. Tony stayed clear away from me and I had a good time. Despite all of that, when Eric and I went to his room ready to go to bed, I couldn't help telling him. All the built up guilt and worry on my end...I just couldn't stand holding it in anymore. Basically, I asked him a million "what-if" questions...even though I wanted to tell him about everything, I was still really scared about the whole situation. He caught on very quickly and realized that someone had pushed on to me and it happened at a party we were at together. He was really upset to know something like this had happened. He wasn't mad at me, just at whoever was like that to me. I couldn't tell him who it was. I guess that was one step I still wasn't ready to take. At first he was upset that I wouldn't tell him who it was. I just tried to explain how I was feeling and tried to ensure to him that it was a scenario that wasn't likely to happen again. That still didn't sit right with him...so he locked himself in the bathroom to take a shower and think things over. When he finally came out, he just cuddled with me and told me that he just wanted to protect me from being hurt...that he'd be able to accept that I can't tell him every detail right now, but also wanted to make sure that I know I can talk to him about anything. His ability to handle this situation so well reminds me of how wonderful he is and how lucky I am to have him. We haven't discussed it since...I feel much better about everything and the guilt has gone away. I don't know if I'll ever disclose all the details...I'm not sure if they're necessary at this point...but if need be, I think I'll be a lot more able to be open with him about it.

 

...sigh...So that was a very long post! lol, Hopefully I'll update this more regularly to keep them a little shorter from now on. I'm off to lay down with Eric...he's getting restless with me sitting here at the computer. lol, I'll update again some other time. =]