non closure, no contact is driving me crazy

[brianmac]

What is killing me is when I thought it was over she contacted me in November 2003 and bore her soul and said I was the only one for her and that I needed to really think things through and contact her. I did 3 weeks later. I wanted to make sure that I was not running on emotion and that I really wanted the relationship to work. She never returned my call. My call just stated that I took a real hard look at things and wanted to talk. Never yeah or nay. Just that I really thought about things and wanted to talk.

 

It's killing me that she never returned my call. It's like why bring me back and encourage me to get back with her only to shut the door on me. I have no closure. I know she loved me more than life itself, so how could she not contact me after I did what she wanted me to do. Don't get me wrong, if I got back to with her - it wouldn't of worked. I needed this 3 months to really step out of my self and analyze, what I want, what I didn't do to make it work, and if I was capable of NOT changing, but excepting her for all her faults.

 

From what al lot of people are telling me, she is on the rebound and her true feelings(for me haven't resurfaced). I am not lying when I say that she truly loved me and wanted no one else but me, back in November 2003. How could this change or am I just kidding myself and she just moved on. either way I am not going to contact her for two reasons. One, if she is happy now with the new guy(I have no idea how long or intense her new relationship is) I don't want to hurt or confuse her any more. Two, I am so hurt that she didn't return my call after opening her heart again I feel betrayed and that she never loved me the way she confessed in November 2003(the last contact we ever had) and now I'm wondering if she ever loved me the way she always confessed through our entire relationship. I am really hurting!

[drea_devine]

Give it about 6 months......hopefully you'll still be available by then. But it sounds to me like she's hurt and doesn't want to feel rejected by you, so she rejected you first.

 

The way that she rejected you, by not letting you know probably stems from being rejected in past relationships. She's just taking that frustration out on you and you also hurt her when you were ready to give up on the relationship. So it's a combination of things.

 

She's dating that guy because she knows that your mutual contact will tell you. She wants you to think that she's moved on. But at night, she thinks of you and she's hurting. If u love her, you'll wait for her to come back you and hopefully you both can work this out. But if she has sex with that guy, dump her ass.

[Prettyangel]

I read your story and I am sorry you are hurting over all this.

All I can say is as a woman, move on.

 

Now it is time to take care of you and your life. Whatever her problem is, she has to work on it and you have to work on your problems.

Take some time for you and makes some inner repairs.

 

Love does not hurt! PERIOD! A relationship takes 100/100% on both sides.

You can't change her, but you can change you and find out why you are in such pain with yourself.

 

You see, when you love yourself and you respect yourself, you don't hurt because someone broke up with you. It is a myth that people allow themselves to go through every day, millions of them.

 

Noone can break your heart, no one can make you feel bad, no one can make you miss someone and so on, why? because you are in charge of your own feelings, you are th eone who is making you feel bad or good.

 

That is your responsibility as a person. If you are so hurt right now it is because you chose to hurt. She has nothing to do with that.

 

I know that may sound strange to you but those are the facts! All the love "you think" you feel for her is the love that is within yourself, that is the kind of love you must give to yourself 1st!!!!! before you can ever be in a healthy relationship.

 

Some food for thought before I close.....why do you give her such "power over" you?

 

Think about that.

[mbl1991]

I dated this guy all the way from the 7th grade until almost the time I graduated highschool. We broke up a million times and got back together, well, even when we were broken up and seeing other people we always still hung out and talked no matter what other people said, and that is the main reason we always made up. Well, when we finally quit talking after all those years it was hard for me, but somehow I made it through. He graduated the yr. before me and met his long time girlfriend which is what contributed to the final break up. I got preganant right after graduation and then a few yrs. later had another baby then married the man that is their father. I have love for my husband, but he's never been a very nice man to me, just never would complement me, and put me down alot and I waas never very happy. Well, last July my cousin and I were walking through Walmart and there was this purfume that I used to wear back in school, and she said hey there's your old purfume, and I was like ya, so I sprayed some on and I said that reminds me of my ex. Well, the next day my cousin calls me out freaking, my ex had emailed her, he seen her email address on a website our highschool has and said he wanted to get in touch with me because it had been 7 yrs. and he wanted to see how my life was, so she gave him my number, and the next day he called, and within a few days it was like we never stopped talking. He was still with the long time girlfriend and they were living together, but not happy anymore. Well, whenever he came to town to visit his family we would sneak off and see eachother, we were very happy, and would discuss how me may finally end up together after all we went through. Well, then word got out and his girlfriend and my husband found out, and we had to kind of distance ourselves from eachother, and I seemed to be putting in more effort then he was, and I was frustrated. Well, I was always friends with his best friend also, and we had started talking again, and he was real nice to me, well, we ended up sleeping together, and I couldn't live with the guilt so I told my ex. He was bothered but to my surprise still stuck around even though he knew since November, well, the other day out of no where he just got a disgusted tone in his voice, and we were talking about hurting peoples feelings, he said you don't think it hurt my feelings that you slept with my best friend ? I said I don't know you always change your opinion, I said you had slept with someone else since we'd been talking and I accepted that, and he said well, she wasn't your best friend. Well, now he won't talk to me, I received a text from him the other day that said, Now when I am single (he had broken up with his gf and she moved back to pa) you have to mess it up by sleeping with my best friend. Now, he won't answer any of me text or emails and I don't know what to do now. I know I love him, the sick thing is even my own husband knows I love him, my marriage is more of a marriage of convience. I know I shouldn't have slept with his friend. I think I just like that attention, but he woun't speak to me, and I'm freaking because why did he wait so long to get angry about it. If anyone has some advice for me please help me...Thanks

[brianmac]

thanks for your response and the last line made a lot of sense. My question is the whole middle of your post. How would you feel if God forbid your mother passed away. Your telling me that you would not feel bad because you are in charge of your feelings? Please don't think I don't appreciate your help, I do. I just don't understand.

My fianaly decision in my situation is to have no contact with her and move on, as much as this hurts. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. I will move on, but with the hope that we can reconcile before I find another true love.

[hoppy26]

from past experience move on with yourself and do not look back. as for prettyangle said...the stuff about you being in total control of your pain.

i disagree 100%. if someone walking out on you after 4 or 5 years doesnt cause you any pain, sadness, anger, etc. i would consider you a pretty cold hearted person. i would consider an action like this a major trigger to all sorts of emotions. if you can honestly sit back and say you have complete control over situations like this i would also say you are un-human. its human nature to cry from sadness, yell from madness, etc.

im a 26 yearold guy and i have no problem admiting ive cried and will cry again. live isnt meant to be an easy ride. every bump you hit will mold you into the person you will be through your time here.