brianmac

thanks for your response and the last line made a lot of sense. My question is the whole middle of your post. How would you feel if God forbid your mother passed away. Your telling me that you would not feel bad because you are in charge of your feelings? Please don't think I don't appreciate your help, I do. I just don't understand. My fianaly decision in my situation is to have no contact with her and move on, as much as this hurts. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. I will move on, but with the hope that we can reconcile before I find another true love.

What is killing me is when I thought it was over she contacted me in November 2003 and bore her soul and said I was the only one for her and that I needed to really think things through and contact her. I did 3 weeks later. I wanted to make sure that I was not running on emotion and that I really wanted the relationship to work. She never returned my call. My call just stated that I took a real hard look at things and wanted to talk. Never yeah or nay. Just that I really thought about things and wanted to talk. It's killing me that she never returned my call. It's like why bring me back and encourage me to get back with her only to shut the door on me. I have no closure. I know she loved me more than life itself, so how could she not contact me after I did what she wanted me to do. Don't get me wrong, if I got back to with her - it wouldn't of worked. I needed this 3 months to really step out of my self and analyze, what I want, what I didn't do to make it work, and if I was capable of NOT changing, but excepting her for all her faults. From what al lot of people are telling me, she is on the rebound and her true feelings(for me haven't resurfaced). I am not lying when I say that she truly loved me and wanted no one else but me, back in November 2003. How could this change or am I just kidding myself and she just moved on. either way I am not going to contact her for two reasons. One, if she is happy now with the new guy(I have no idea how long or intense her new relationship is) I don't want to hurt or confuse her any more. Two, I am so hurt that she didn't return my call after opening her heart again I feel betrayed and that she never loved me the way she confessed in November 2003(the last contact we ever had) and now I'm wondering if she ever loved me the way she always confessed through our entire relationship. I am really hurting!

Get busy. I went back to the gym and got back in great shape. I started travelling with my childhood friend. I know what your going through. I had two opertunites to get back with her. When I tried to initate after this, she never responded and it left me in the cold. The one thing that is giving me strength is that I needed this breakup and I needed things to progress the way they have. I finally realized that it was not all her fault and that she needed to change(compromise). A lot had to do with me. I realize my mistakes now and would give my right leg to go back knowing what I know now. Knowing that she is with somebody is killing me, especially knowing that she loved me more in the relationship. Maybe we will get a chance to reconcile down the road, especially if this relationship she has is a rebound, but if this happens it would be a new start and not just getting back together. I have grown and learned so much in the 3 months that I have not had contact with her.

I met a girl and fell in love. She was 5 years younger and very immature. She was 1st generation italian and had a lot of rules. We couldn't go away overnight together and stuff like that - she was 26 years old. We engaged and she gave 100% to the relationship. The one thing I could never complain about is how much she loved me. She always complained that I was no affectionet. She moved in jan 2003 after a major fight with her family. I hestitently accepted. There was some adjustment, but not too bad. We started fighting alot. Stupid stuff, but I would always have to turn the other cheek. I even took her to the bahamas for her aunts wedding. We fought 4 out of five days. Maybe it was the pressure of the wedding. Anyway there is the background. We had a lot of arguments(stupid stuff) and I was talking to my friends and family about it and they said that if your fighting like this now, it will only get worse after marriage. We finally had a bad fight at night and I had it. I told her when she woke up the next day and she was crushed - it was the worst day of my life. I can still see the pain in her face. Her mother came over and helped her move things out. We talked a couple of days later and she wanted to go to councellor. I said fine, but we were supposed to get married 9 months later and I told her it's still off even if we figure this out with the councellor, because I don't want to jump into a bad marriage. She freeked, she thought the councilor would fix everything and everything was back in order. She never told her extended family for 4 months. I was still in contact with her about mail and stuff like that, but it got pretty limited. About a month or so later she called me to go out for a drink. It was nice and we talked quite a bit. I talked to her a week later and said that I had a really nice time, but she was very distant. I asked her out again and she was a little hesatant, I told her if she didn't want to go that's fine, she turned tail and said no she wanted to go. We went out for the day and it was great, uncomfortable in the beggining, but we wound up hitting it off. We got back together for about a week and a half and I started feeling trapped again, I started being a little distant, because I didn't want to hurt her again. She confronted me and said this wasn't for her and that its over. She called me two days later at work and was crying and saying she maid a big mistake and needed to talk to me. I accepted and she came over my place that night. She told me that when she broke up with me that she did it to try to push me back to her, but it didn't work. she laid all of her cards on the table and told me that I was right about everything and she put her family infront of me and caused most of the fights. she wanted to mary me and loved me. I was going away on vacation a couple of days later with some friends and she told me to think about what she said and contact her. I contacted her two weeks later and left a message on her cell phone that I wanted to talk and I really thought things through. That was right before thanksgiving 2003. I never heard from her. I got mad, I thought after everything that she told me, she didn't have the respect for me to call me back - wether she wanted to get back or not. Now I have had no contact with her since I left the message in november. I was going a way last week with the same friends(all male) and realize, I havenot had any conversation with her in two months. I was getting ready to go away with the same friends. and my buddy called me. His wife is her best friend and he is mine. We both have stayed in contact with them. She actually works with my buddies wife. He said I need to tell you something and I have been wrestling with it. I told him that I can guess, my ex is dating one of his friends - that was it. I told him good for her and that I was still annoined that she never called me back, but I was happy for her. I lied. I on the otherhand have not been with another girl, not even on a date. I have had occations, but I always felt that I was cheating on her. I went on my trip and was misserable. I cannot eat or sleep. I have had breakups before but nothing like this. I love her and know we could work things out, but why did she never call me back. I have had no contact with her and don't know what to do. I was thinking of telling my friend the whole story and see if I have a chance to get back with her. He is much closer to me than this other friend that is dating her. If she is happy with this guy, I don't want her to know a thing, because I love her so much I would let her go to be happy. I am so misserable. My friends think that if we got back the same problems would resurface. I also thought about sitting back and waiting until she single again and maybe contacting her. I also thought about sending a couple of thing to my friends house for her, some stuff that she left, hoping it might trigger a feeling or two about me. I can't understand how she could lose all those feelings for me. My current aproach is not contacting her and not letting anyone who knows her, know how bad I am hurting. I think I just need to let her go because I love her so much - I know that sounds stupid, but contacting her will annoy her and she never return my call in November. That pretty much gave me her answer.

We have been broken up for 7 months now. We got back together 3.5 months ago for a week. The last contact I had from her was when I called right before thanksgiving. No contact in over 3 months. I know what you guys are saying about contacting her, but I don't think she will take my call. I told my friend after he told me she has been dating(I don't know how long) that I was hurt that she didn't call me back - I know that got back to her. At this point I don't think I should contact her and I really feel that she decided to move on. I thought about asking my friend if there was any hope. He would know what's going on, but again, I don't want to put him on the spot. I just feel that she is over me. the other thing is I don't want to confuse her or jepordize her current relationship, it's not fair to her. I think what might be best is for me to move on and maybe(slim to none) we might rekindle down the road? I really think I should just move on.

Thanks for the response. I'm not sure if your clear on this, but she is dating a friend of my good friend. I don't know this guy. I hope you are right, but I don't think I have the nerve to call her after she didn't call me back and since I found out she is dating. I also don't want to get in the way if she found someone that is making her happy, I love her too much to ruin her happiness. Like the old motto, If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever. I still pray that you are right. Thanks again for the great(hopefull) response.

I met a girl and fell in love. She was 5 years younger and very immature. She was 1st generation italian and had a lot of rules. We couldn't go away over night together and stuff like that - she was 26 years old. We engaged and she gave 100% to the relationship. The one thin I could never complain about is how much she loved me. She always complained that I was no affectionet. She moved in jan 2003 after a major fight with her family. I hestitently accepted. There was some adjustment, but not too bad.We started fighting alot. Stupid stuff, but I would always have to turn the other cheek. I even took her to the bahamas for her aunts wedding. We fought 4 out of five days. Maybe it was the pressure of the wedding. Anyway there is the background. We had bad fights and I was talking to my friends and family about it and they said that if your fighting like this now, it will only get worse after marriage. We finally had a bad fight at night and I had it. I told her when she woke up the next day and she was crushed - it was the worst day of my life. I can still see the pain in her face. Her mother came over and helped her move things out. We talked a couple of days later and she wanted to go to councellor. I said fine, but we were supposed to get married 9 months later and I told her it's still off even if we figure this out with the councellor, because I don't want to jump into a bad marriage. She freeked, she thought the councilor would fix everything and everything was back in order. She never told her extended family for 4 months. I was still in contact with her about mail and stuff like that, but it got pretty limited. About a month or so later she called me to go out for a drink. It was nice and we talked quite a bit. I talked to her a week later and said that I had a really nice time, but she was very distant. I asked her out again and she was a little hesatant, I told her if she didn't want to go that's fine, she turned tail and said no she wanted to go. We went out for the day and it was great, uncomfortable in the beggining, but we wound up hitting it off. We got back together for about a week and a half and I started feeling trapped again, I started being a little distant, because I didn't want to hurt her again. She confronted me and said this wasn't for her and that its over. She called me two days later at work and was crying and saying she maid a big mistake and needed to talk to me. I accepted and she came over my place that night. She told me that when she broke up with me that she did it to try to push me back to her, but it didn't work. she laid all of her cards on the table and told me that I was right about everything and she put her family infront of me and caused most of the fights. she wanted to mary me and loved me. I was going away on vacation a couple of days later with some friends and she told me to think about what she said and contact her. I contacted her two weeks later and left a message on her cell phone that I wanted to talk and I really thought things through. That was right before thanksgiving 2003. I never heard from her. I got mad, I thought after everything that she told me, she didn't have the respect for me to call me back - wether she wanted to get back or not. I was getting ready to go away with the same friends. and my buddy called me. His wife is her best friend and he is mine. We both have stayed in contact with them. She actually works with my buddies wife. He said I need to tell you something and I have been wrestling with it. I told him that I can guess, my ex is dating one of his friends - that was it. I told him good for her and that I was still mad that she never called me back, but I was happy for her. I lied. I on the other hand have not been with another girl, not even on a date. I have had occations, but I always felt that I was cheating on her. I went on my trip and was misserable. I cannot eat or sleep. I have had breakups before but nothing like this. I love her and no we could work things out, but why did she never call me back. I have had no contact with her and don't know what to do. I was thinking of telling my friend the whole story and see if I have a chance to get back with her. He is much closer to me than this other friend that is dating her. If she is happy with this guy, I don't want her to know a thing, because I love her so much I would let her go to be happy. I am so misserable. My friends think that if we got back the same problems would resurface. I also thought about sitting back and waiting until she single again and maybe contacting her. I also thought about sending a couple of thing to my friends house for her, some stuff that she left, hoping it might trigger a feeling or two about me. I can't understand how she could lose all those feelings for me. any advise would be drastically appreciated