Am I being stupid?

[bridey]

I met this guy in August. He was on my softball team. We were clearly attracted to one another from the beginning, however, I found out his ex-girlfriend found out she was pregnant and so he got back together with her (reluctanly, from what I know). I saw him the end of October and he was very flirty and I told him he better figure out what he was doing with this woman and that I was not getting in the middle of anything. So I saw him for the first time since then about three weeks ago. He said things were over with this woman (although he is takig care of his new baby, she has custody). We wound up having sex that night (after I made it clear to him that I really liked him and if he just wanted to have sex I would be really hurt) and we went for breakfast with another friend the next afternoon. He called me later that night and we talked for an hour. We talked again 2 days later and I went over his house and spent the night (at his request, I was going to take off that night). Anway, he was supposed to come over my place on Thursday but broke his plans and was going to come over on Friday. Friday he called me and said his our friend was there and would I mind going there instead. I did. Called him Sunday and Monday, but didn't hear from him til Wedneday. I didn't answer and called and left him a message Friday. He called me Sunday and we made plans for Thursday. He called me two times during the day, and basically had to go to a hockey game with some venders from work! He was all worried that I would be mad and I said I wasn't that I was disappointed. He said he was too because he was looking forward to our date but he really had to go. He was very apologetic and said he knew his story sounded lame! So I just want to know, is it just that we have had a bad time getting our schedules in sync or is he trying to make me angry so he doesn't have to feel guilty about sleeping with me? We both have plans for the weekend so he told me to call him (if I don't hate him) so we could get together next week! Am I being stupid? Could this guy possibly be interested?

[sidehop]

I'm going to be totally honest from what you've just said. Stop seeing him. Not only you two had sex just too early in the stage of a relationship but to me he sounds like a person that can't make up his mind & set his priority. Besides he has a child now right? Are you ready to get involved with someone like that? I would have no contact with him for awhile...

[bridey]

I am sure he can't make up his mind. This relationship he just got out of did not sound very healthy. When I was at his house it was extremely bare, because she came and took everything, including his stereo which was not something they got together. She even took the washer and dryer! I am not defending his actions, I just thought maybe he needs to move slower then what I wanted. You are right about having sex too soon, as well, but I don't necessarily feel that is a deal breaker. As far as him having a child, it seems everyone but me in their 30's has one, or an ex-wife! Originally, I was not going to date people with children, but I don't see why it is a big deal. I feel like he made a mistake in that area (birth control anyone?), but no one is perfect (and no bc is 100% effective!). I am going to continue to try and see him, as long as I think he might be interested. Its just that at this point I can't tell if he is or if he just makes some contact because he feels bad for sleeping with me. We do have mutual friends, so he probably feels like he can't be a complete jerk with out any repercussions!

[Prettyangel]

I agree with sidehop.

 

I feel that this man seems to be playing a game and that is not kool! Concentrate on your own life and respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better.

 

I feel that he is going to eventually end up back with his ex. Think about how he treats her and how he is treating you. He will treat women in that way until someone stops him and shows him that this is not the way this goes. So be the 1st one to show him.

 

He doesen't have any self respect or self love to be doing stuff like this. So how can he give you a healthy relationship when he has so many issues.

 

BTW, men love sex and as long as you give it so freely, he will take that. Don't confuse sex and lust with love. Love does not hurt!

 

God Bless!

[bridey]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

I had a great conversation with this man about what was going on and how I was feeling. Basically, he is not ready to rush into another relationship. He would like to date me but he felt I was looking for an all or nothing situation. I can appreciate that he is not ready to rush into anything to quick, being out of a 7 year relationship for only 8 months.

 

Anyway, since our chat, we have talked more on the phone and when I left him a message instead of days to call me back it was merely a few hours. Plus I saw him over the weekend. I think I was just rushing things and overanalyzing and making myself crazy!

 

I told him I thought it was healthy to want to take things slow and deal with healing from his last relationship before getting into another. It will be hard for me, but I will go as slow as he wants and see where it goes!

 

Still interested in other peoples opinions though...