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Was seeing him again a bad idea???


Delusional Kisses

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I hadn't seen my ex/BFF (man I am in love with) for four months...since the last disasterous trip I made. He now lives 600 miles away. When I left last time, I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him. Less than a week after I left, that was broken when he contacted me and I (of course) replied. Since that time, we have had daily contact...some good...some bad and about a month ago, his friends asked me to come back for a visit. I got here yesterday and saw him last night. I didn't know how that would go, but as always, my heart did summersaults...lol. Nonetheless, I have been "trying" to date again and its been difficult for me. I can't seem to let go.](*,). And I even told him that I was dating. He has done nothing but make fun of the guy and last night he brought him up again. I just changed the subject because I have no intention of discussing it with him anymore. Anyway, I'm babbling. The thing is...ever since last night...I hadn't contacted the new guy and I don't have the desire to do it and I can't get the BFF off my mind again. This morning he called and I asked him to come spend the night with me tonight....stupid! stupid! stupid! And I know if he does, nothing will happen...but I just want him close to me again. I need to stop this pattern, but I can't seem to get the strength to do it. Any suggestions?

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It was unhealthy in the sense that it was one sided. I'm in love with him and he's "not ready" to settle down and apparently he has always assumed that this is what I wanted which isn't. He has told everyone I know that if he were ready to settle down, it would be with me...whatever that means. In the meantime, I found myself sitting, waiting and wishing to be with him and I was only getting hurt in the long run. When I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him, it was because he had just taken a girlfriend. I guess she is history now...but I don't ask about it.

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