No Contact Rule does it work if my ex is dating her ex

[MISSINGYOU2004]

I need serious help, Im so lost, my heart is shattered, I cant sleep, I do not know what to do, my ex has gone back to her ex, the reason for this is all my fault. I put my ex through two months of pain, I went out of state to visit my family and disappeared for 2 months without calling her or letting her know how I was doing, when I return to her state where I live I call her and she tells me she has gotten back with her. I know deeply why she got back with him is because she missed me and was in so much pain that she went back with him to help heal the pain, we went out to dinner a few days ago, we talked about everything, she told me that she still cares for me, and that she really likes me, but she told me that she cant believe that I have changed, and only with time she will see. She told me she would call me the next day which she did, then she said she would call again she didnt. I dont think she is playing games, she just wants to do exactly the same thing I did to her on me, and it really really hurts.

 

My question is I have met another girl, exactly what she did she went to her ex to hide the pain, but this other girl is very very good to me, should I tell this new girl about my last relationship, I do not want to hurt her, also if things dont work out with my ex I want to go with this new girl.

 

But my heart is still with my ex, because she is a challenge and I love challenges, is the no contact rule okay if she is dating her ex, or should I call sometimes to check up on her, what if she calls me back in a one month or two and wants me back should I go back with her, do going back with your ex girlfriends work out good.

 

please someone who has ever been in my position try to help me out , thank you very much.

[kuhl282000]

Hey West Coast Dude

 

I just went through the same thing. I read your post and let me start by telling you that this is not a movie script. So start thinking with your head and not your emotions, and that is what you are doing now. In a movie script all the right words are always spoken, in real life it does not work that way. You were wrong for disappearing for 2 months with no contact. What did you expect on your return ? You have no where to go when they go back with the ex. You will look like a begging fool being desperate. No woman in her right mind likes desperate. Let it run the course with her ex. They may stay together they may not. But in the meantime you will drive yourself crazy and maybe insane if you don't move on. She may never come back. And you have to mentally prepare for that. It may happen. Do not tell the new girl anything about your old flame. They really don't want to hear it. You are in alot of pain right now, I have been there. Took me two months just to start to get a grip. I drank over her around the holidays to no avail trying to kill the pain. Could not sleep, so I came here. And I'm still coming here. Mine went back with her ex, I just let her go. Really what could I do ? "NOTHING" She was back with her ex. Should I have went to her door saying, Darling I love you please take me back ? Not a chance. After two long months of pain. She callls out of the blue at midnight on a Friday night. Says what are you doing ? I said I'm just getting in and was feeling a little tired so I was going to bed. She said come over here and go to bed with me. I went over, it was like I was back in heaven in her arms once again. That lasted a week, then she broke it off with me, because we could not put the water under the bridge. This time it was not as hard because I had time to heal. She had alot of issues and unresolved anger and abuse from her ex, and I could not deal with it. Do I miss her ? You bet...Do I think of her ? you bet. But I have to move on, I still have some healing to do. A few suggestions......see a Doctor if you can't sleep, you may be going into a depression if your not in one already. They have some good stuff to help you get through the pain. And go to a book store and spend $13.00 and buy this book. It is called Love Addictions (don't let the title scare you) just go buy it. The author is Susan Peabody, it will really help you heal and that is a promise.I think you can get it online 2. It is never the same the second time around once the trust is broken. It just never is. Take it slow with this new girl, you may not be ready (I don't think you are from your post) to even be dating at this point. You need to work some self esteem issues out in your head.Your ego is crushed right now. It will get better in time. They say let true love go, and if it comes back to you then it was meant to be. Only time will tell. Be strong. You can pm me if you want to talk in private. We are all here for each other.

 

Warm Regards.....and get some well needed rest

 

Kuhl

[MISSINGYOU2004]

Dear Kuhl,

 

I just ready your response to my post, I just wanted to let you know thank you for taking the time to explain this to me, thanks for caring, you are right I am not in the right state of mind, this is not a MOVIE. I really liked your response and I am going to try to move on and leave the past in the past and my mistakes in the past. You also answered my second question if going back to your ex the relationship works or not, you told me yours only lasted one week. So I need to just move forward and take it slowly with this new girl and just never make the same mistakes twice, it is really really hard, I will go get the book, thanks again for all your help your help did make a difference, now I have to fight time and the pain, and if she does call me I will keep it short , so I can move on, thank you again.

[kuhl282000]

You will be fine bro......don't expect to much from her. Sometimes the ones we love the most hurt us the worst. Sometimes they don't even know or even care. They leave you on the hang to put the pieces together and some questions will always go unanswered. So don't be to hard on yourself, you tried. And that is a good thing. Please get the book, it may save the rest of your life.

 

It does get better in time

 

Stay in touch

 

Kuhl

 

Watch the drinking