breaking up with the nice guy

[sprkal]

Hello everyone,

I have a simple, yet terribly difficult problem, and was hoping that anyone who's been in this situation might be able to help. I've been dating a guy (who i started out as friends with) for just under a year, we've become very close and i regard him as one of my best friends - I love him very much, however I cant see a future with him and have decided that I need to be single again.

 

He's such a nice guy, and I want to remain friends with him... can anyone suggest some words to say that might ease his pain a little... unfortunately i think this is going to come as a shock to him.

 

Breaking up is hard to do...

 

thanks - SprKaL

[akatoro]

Hey, Sprkal.

 

I don't think there's any words that you can say to him in order to make him feel good. Eventhough he might take the news well, his mind will probably still wander on till he finds an explanation that he can accept and feel good with..

 

As you said, breakups are hard. There's always great sadness when it happens and one part will always feel left behind. Perhaps the best thing you could do is to assure him that you'll cover his back and be there for him when he needs a friend. But to also let him have his space and let him find himself again.

 

Good luck to you.

[real amour]

Hi. Just do it. Don't stay with him because of pity, guilt or because he will make a good father, provider, whatever. I subconsciously did that and I am now married with 2 young kids, but sadly, I believe I am in the process of separating. I congratulate you for knowing that you really want to break up. That is a first step and you must be sure of this or your words will quiver and come out wrong; do it in a letter or email if you must. It doesn't matter, just do it and move on and let him go also. I wasn't sure until now, but I regret it--all of it, and we have a great life, but the chemistry just isn't there, I was just too old and he had me by the ovaries!!!

[Michael2]

Real amour offers some good advice.

 

Except for the " do it in a letter or email"

 

Im guessing you are older then a fifth grader so be mature and tell him in person, dont resort to weak and immature tactics like email or letter writing, its cowardly to say the least.

 

You have to do what makes you happy, so think, and then act. TEll him how you feel and you will feel tons better.

[dikaia880]

I'm going through this right now, just on the other side. I've also been on your side of the coin. The best way to do it is to (in person) tell him exactly how you feel, and why you feel that way. If you don't give him a reason that is all he try to figure out and it will stay with him for a long time. Then give him some space, don't talk to him for awhile, my ex called me for weeks crying telling me how sorry she was and that she missed me an all that, it really messed with my head! Do not give mixed signals, it will keep you two from being friends in the long run! And don't put it off, the longer you wait the harder it will be

[sprkal]

thanks for everyone's advice... I did the deed (and i feel pretty sad, but it was for the best) and i think he took it ok. I will follow dikaia880's advice and stay away for a while. Thanks again...