My lover is engaged to another woman...PLZ HELP!!!!!!!

[Miche]

Hello! My name is Michelle and I was dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years of and on. The last time we broke up was for about a month when I found out that he was engaged to a woman that he'd known for only 3 months prior. The way that I found out was when I saw him at an event and went over to greet him. I wasn't exactly sure if we were still together or not, we just hadn't been communicating for a month. Anyway, I greeted him with a tight hug and a warm smile, and he did the same. As I was walking away, his girlfriend (now fiance`) said to me, "Did he tell you that we're together now?" I said "no", and kept walking. I didn't want to seem alarmed by what she said, because our love relationship has been a secret ever since we met. Only my closest friends knew about it. Anyway, now we are still seeing each other behind his fiance`'s back. We are even still sexually intimate and it's as if we have not even broken up. He calls me almost everyday and we talk on the phone for hours. We also spend a lot of time together...still in secret. He sais that he really loves me but he can't really commit to me because I'm almost 19 years old and he is 30 years old. Huge age gap. He sais he wants to get married again soon (divorced because his wife cheated on him) and I would take too long. I told him that I want to go to University/College for four years to pursue nursing, and when I'm almost finished we can get married, but he still rejects my offer. I'm so confused and it's so hard for me to let go of him even though he is engaged to another woman. He sais that he really loves me, but life just looks a lot different when you're thirty yrs old with no wife and kids. He also sais that he just wants to please his parents.

 

I want him to break up with his fiance and wait for me, because he honestly seems a lot more interested in me than he does in her...even though he put a ring on her finger. (sigh) He calls me so much telling me he misses me and we see each other so often and we are intimate every now and then. What do I do? How do I let him go, even though I love him so much. Am I being a fool by still seeing him or should I just stick around and see if he changes his mind about getting married. They are to be married in a year and 9 months. A lot could happen in that time.

 

I just feel so hurt by the whole situation, because I've known him for 3 years and she knew him for 3 months and they are already engaged!!!

We didn't even have any problems in our relationship when we were together, except that I always felt guilty when we'd have sex and that we were so many years apart in age and we couldn't be open to the public about our relationship. It was only for moral reasons. That was all that was between us that led to break up off and on. But even though we would be apart for a while, somehow we would always get back together. It's like we are inseparable. He was also my best friend I have ever had. Now I risk losing him. What should I do. Please help me!!1

[passionforliving]

Michele,

Whether you like to believe this or not, I have the BIG impression that he is using you and for whatever reasons he has, i.e., age gap, parents approvals, schools etc. if he is really interested in you, he will give you a solid commitment. A person who is really in love with his girlfriend will go through all odds and great lengths to make sure that she knows and believe in it. He wouldn't let her doubts his motives and deep down, I am sure you are questioning all his words.

 

Go on with your strive to make better your life ambitions. Don't short change anything for someone who prefers to keep you in secret, while engaged to someone else in another relationship. If he cannot stand the pressures of his parents and his environments, can he really takes care of you when its call for?

 

passionforliving

[tough_girl]

Hi Michelle,

 

I agree with passionforliving. If he really loves you, he would go through everything that it may take and not make as many excuses as possible. Have you ever though about the reason he is a divorcee? Has he cheated on his ex before?

 

What I see from what you tell me is that he wants the best of two sides. From his fiance and yours. Do you think you can still love and trust a man who constantly sleeps with you but is engaged? Do you get the idea? He wants you for sex and not love. I assume that you are a younger girl than his fiance and that actually makes him sexually excited.

 

You are only 19 and you have the whole world in front of you. Why not reach out your hand and grab nicer and more responsible man than this. He does not love you and if he does, he would gladly accept your offer of waitting for you.

 

Love is about compromising and sharing. You are sharing your future with him while he sleeps with you and has his fiance. As you can see, he is on the gaining side. Take my advise and forget about him. Pursue the course you intend to take and give it your all. Perhaps you may meet a better man there.

[arizona39]

sigh It's stories like this that make me feel embarrassed for being a guy. I know you have strong feelings and are committed to this person, but he's not worth your attention or endearment. Sorry for being so harsh, but you deserve so much better, it's not even funny.

[Miche]

Thank you all for helping me with this problem that I am having. It has boosted my confidence to stand up for myself, and to stay away from my so-called "lover". I realize now more than ever that he was just using me to get what he wanted, while he is being unfaithful to his fiance`.

 

Again thank you all for your replies. It means a lot.