Still sad but an interesting realization...

[mick8888]

I wonder if anyone has had a similar realization as I am having over the last couple of days. After a long time of being broken up but still living together my ex girlfriend finally moved out on Tuesday. So I've had a few days to reflect on things in total solitude and I'm seeing this: as much as I genuinely do miss her company and the way things used to be when the relationship was good (maybe the first year of our 3 years together), I feel like if she came back to me wanting to get back together I would definitely say no, that I don't want her. I'm wondering if the pain I feel is because I got dumped, because it was a blow to my ego, rather than feeling deeply upset that she is no longer in my life. And that if I found another girl tomorrow I wouldn't miss my ex at all. What does that tell me? Does that make me shallow? Is it that all along I wanted the relationship to end but I didn't have the cajones to end it myself? And since she did, I feel that she has the power over me and that's what hurts? I don't even really feel that jealous over the idea that she could start seeing someone else, because I honestly feel like whoever that guy is would just inherit all of her problems and faults and I feel good about not having to deal with them anymore. i don't know -- am I a horrible person for feeling this way? Am I deluding myself? Is this a natural, normal way to feel after a breakup? It is hard to adjust and I do feel lonely and I genuinely do care about her as a person and there are some parts of her I really do miss. Am I totally over it - no. Do I want her back - no. This is a weird sort of limbo. Anyways, any comments or advice or whatever would be great, and thanks for reading!!

[Rooster1616]

Hi There..

 

I totally understand where you are coming from..I have recently wondered If I am a bad person as well..My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago and I have since been away from her for bits and pieces and I don't miss her when I am gone. She is the one who ended it and i too wonder if i was hurt because of not having her in my life, or because my ego was hurt. Along with you am I over it, no, but would I want to deal with her issues again, no.

So i don't think that you are a bad person and i am SO HAPPY that I have read your post. It describes how i am feeling exactly and provides comfort that I am not the only one!

[kuhl282000]

I read your post and you are a very deep person not shallow at all. I'm in the same boat in several ways. And I have to say if I had to put it in words. I would have written it from my heart just like you. I will share with you from my experience and alot of quiet time and deep thought. Yes it is about ego when you get dumped. Alone with the self esteem. Are you a bad person. Violent people are bad people not people like us. We had our hearts broke. Like you I just could not deal with her issues. I kept trying to put the water under the bridge, and she kept throwing more trash in the river. I could not take it anymore. Do I miss her ? You bet. Did I love her? You bet. Mine had a lot of unresolved anger that would go off at a moments notice like a trigger. Will the next guy be in for a surprize.

 

Peace and Harmony

 

Kuhl