The day before NC

[lockedout]

The dozen red roses that I was so excited about sending to you, are for sure dead by now. It was a surprise that I didn't find them out in my front lawn the next morning. But, I'm sure they are long gone, since it's been 12 days since you received them, along with the letter I wrote you. The letter that I so desperately tried to explain why I did what I did. The letter that took me 2 hours to hand print on the nicest paper I could find that Saturday morning. The same letter that you read, then with one movement of your hand, threw right in the garbage basket that sits next to the stove in your kitchen.

 

Then with one last attempt, the following day, bombarded you with texts, because you wouldn't return my phone call the night before. "Hey babe, how's it going? I really need to talk to you. No bull * * * * this time, please, if you feel so inclined, could you call!? K, talk to you later." Were you with your new lover when the phone went off? Did you quickly grab the phone and hit the silence button?

 

The texts didn't help the next day. You sent 6 texts right in a row, telling me every reason why you couldn't do it no more. "I can't trust you or count on you no more!", "I can't put myself out there again for you!", "Actions, not words!", you said, "When I say something, it's usually the truth, and I am done!"

 

I couldn't believe it, I text back, "Please, tell me you don't love me anymore, so I understand." . . . . "?" . . . . ."You there or what?"

 

You write back, "I don't love you no more, it's been gone awhile ago, hope it helps, and it is true" . . . . "Good Bye"

 

I write, "K, thanks" . . I sit there in a daze for an hour, staring blankly into the TV. Wow, now what? NC, this is where it starts.

 

I think of you all the time, I can not let you escape my mind! How I must've made you felt, how? How could've I punish you the way I did, and now think that I could ever try to win back your heart? You did nothing wrong but be there for me and then I leave you there stranded in misery, being hurt my the one you showed so much for. How could you ever forgive me after something like that?