i get so jealous

[silverfish]

I am wondering about how to get over my jealous feelings... I came out of a relationship where I cheated and was cheated on.. I was together with her for 7 years.

 

Now 2 years later, I am dating a new girl, we have been together for about 11 months... and we have recently moved in together... She is 29, I am 26...

 

This is the thing.. I love her to death.. but, we spend too much time togehter, so much so that i dont really do much on my own at all, and neither does she...

 

I want to do things on my own with my friends etc, but i dont trust her, I want to but I find it so hard.. she moved out here to be with me, and knows people in this town, but all the people she knows are ex-bpyfriends, and that is who she will hang out with if she isnt with me... She has already made plans to meet with ex's at the bar for a drink etc..

 

I want to be cool about the whole thing, i want to say "hey go out and have fun" but at the same time.. she has had sex with these dudes, she has a lack of interest in me at this moment that i can feel, just from spending so much time together...

 

Basically, i dont want to feel jealous.. at all.. i just want to hang out and not worry, but at the same time im not stupid, she is a sexual girl, and i have an issue with her going out on the weekends with other men.. DOes that make me a weirdo?? A jealous freak??

 

I tried talkingto her abotu it, but i come accross as weak, and she feels trapped.. she says these are just friends, and that she would never do anything like that... she says that i have a huge issue.. its just, i dont know many guys that would be comfortable with their girlfriends hanging out at the bar with their ex's or "friends" i should say...

 

i dont want to feel this way.. some of these guys are pigs as well, but there is a reason she didnt stay with them too right??

 

I guess im just scared of getting the wool pulled over my eyes.. anyway, anyone have advice?

 

Thanks.

[CrazyKarl13]

I'm not quite sure there is way to NOT be jealous about it. I think it's perfectly normal. I would be worried if you WEREN'T concerned! I would be uncomfortable too if I was in the same situation. You can still let her know that it bothers you. She won't think you're being overprotected. Just let her know that it makes you feel uncomfortable, but tell her that you still trust her! Because just letting her go when she doesn't know it bothers you, she might go and do it all the time because she thinks you're okay with it. Let her know how you feel. It wont come off strong at all.

[silverfish]

Thanks Karla...

 

So I tell her Im uncomfortable, but tell her that I trust her, and she should do what she wants... Thats what you are saying?

 

I dont think she would ever do anything, its just hard when you feel that interest level fall after she used to be so crazy about me... SHe doesnt like to sleep together much anymore, but she says its cause she is stressed, hates work, doesnt feel attractive cause she is gaining some weight. I feel like i feel the exact same way I did when we first met, Im so crazy about her, and I tell her all the time, probably tell her too much..

[CrazyKarl13]

let her know that you trust her, but don't come on too strong about it! just tell her that it basically bothers you, but you love her and trust that she wont do anything. maybe that can put pressure on her so if she was thinking about doing it, she'll feel bad if she actually went through with it. but honestly, i dont think she should be hanging around her ex's anyways! if she doesnt see a problem with it, maybe you should ask her if it would be okay if you went out with one of your ex's. sounds a bit childish, but then maybe she can put herself in your shoes.. i dunno, just a suggestion

[Sooz]

I think your feelings are completely normal, is not that easy to let your girl hang out with someone she had feelings for. If what bothers you is the ex's part, maybe you can encourage her to start new activities (take a class, go to the gym, join a group), where she can meet other people and have new friends. That way you'll feel more comfortable and she won't feel trapped.

Another thing you can do, is introducing her to your friend's girlfriends, that way you can hang around with your buddies while he hangs out with girls you actually know. You can either plan a night out with all the crowd or invite them to a party at your place. Who knows, maybe she'll find a best friend between one of your friend's girlfriends!

Wish you luck!