Cowards

[Fireman Sam]

One of the biggest flaws I now see in my ex is that she didn't have the courage or the guts to tough it out.

 

Bailing out...another partner....LIYBIDLY crap..

 

 

This is cowardise behavour.

 

 

Some people just don't have the balls to work through a crisis.

[Xetra Dax]

Yeah but on the other hand everyone has weaknesses ,even you. Maby its school, or not good at finding jobs or other traits that aren't so desirable. Nobody is perfect, but if you get hurt because of those imperfections, it indeed doesn't feel nice one bit. =\

[thejigsup]

Are you saying that if someone finds that the relationship is not what they need or it is not working for them, they are cowards if they leave? While I have been hurt like this, I never thought the other person was cowardly at all. That is not how you should think about someone you love.

[kuhl282000]

Coward may not be the correct word, sounds to me your still angry and hurt ......very understandable .......sometimes it takes courage to leave another person .....but I do understand where you are coming from .......

 

Stages of Grief

Stage 1

The loss of a relationship can be incredibly hard - you can feel so much pain. There's not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well. Sometimes this is the hardest part - having to totally readjust your view of how you saw your life unfolding in the next 5 to10 years. Suddenly, you can't see into the future and it's scary.

Feeling Like You're Starting Over

You may feel like you're starting over - that you've lost everything that was important to you and you're not sure what to do anymore. It may be hard for you to imagine your life without your partner - your lives have been so intertwined

At this stage, you may have trouble remembering things, focusing, and feeling a sense of purpose or direction in their lives - you may feel as though you are drifting through the day.

The Second Stage of Grief

The second stage involves feeling fear, anger and depression. This stage often lasts the longest and can be filled with feelings of insecurity, panic, worry, crying, anger, and feelings of depression. Some people don't allow themselves to feel, while others have trouble letting go of how they are feeling. Both are essential - feeling and eventually letting go.

Some people worry that if they let themselves feel that they'll be overcome with emotion and never come out of it - they'll drown in their feelings and not be able to function. Others feel their feelings but can't seem to let go of them even after a lot of time has passed. Either way, it's important to give yourself permission to feel and at some point to let go so that you can move on.

In the beginning, you may think that you will always feel this way, but you won't. Your feelings will pass. You'll discover that the time between down periods increases. Too often with break-ups we don't feel that we have the right to feel upset much longer than a few weeks when the truth is it usually takes longer. I have found that grief tends to run a cycle of at least one year unless of course the relationship wasn't very important, was short-term, or you were grieving before you actually left her/him. But, if you spent a number of years together, and the person was important to you, even if you're the one doing the breaking up you can still be grieving for approximately one year. Of course with very long term relationships, it can take even longer to feel back on your feet but it is still possible to recover.

The Third Stage of Grief

This is the stage where you begin to accept that the relationship is over, and that you're going to be okay. You realize that you haven't thought about your ex-partner in awhile, and that without realizing it you are moving on. You've gained back some of your zest for life, and are beginning to see a future ahead of you.

Sometimes the process involves a little movement forward and a little back. This is okay and perfectly normal, after all you need to get used to your forward steps and occasionally may need the comfort of what you were feeling before. Try not to be hard on yourself, change is not a linear path. It's full of up's and down's. It's okay to feel good and then feel hurt and angry again, especially if you see her/him in the community or dating someone else.

In the acceptance stage, you've done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realize things that you hadn't before. You understand yourself better, and you aren't as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you're feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try.

Try not to lose faith if you fall back into a funk - each time that you feel better will have an accumulative effect. Grief comes in waves - up and down.

Sometimes letting go just happens after you've let yourself grieve and rage and whatever else you need to do. Other times, people have to deliberately and consciously focus on letting go. It is tempting to hold on, and scary to let go. Saying to yourself that you are letting go of your ex-partner can be helpful. Interrupting yourself when you get stuck thinking or talking about her/him and redirecting your focus onto something else is all part of letting go.

Filling your life with activities that you enjoy - creative, playful, sociable, soulful activities - are all ways to nurture yourself back to health.

Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and so permanent. Let yourself know that you won't always feel this way and in the meantime let yourself grieve your losses fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.

[Steve 7745]

I can relate, Fireman Sam.

 

And sometimes, I know they're cowards. They face a challenge to our relationship, one that even has a face, and they will not take it on. Family seems like it's always a huge one- if her family automatically hates you, they reject you. Two of my exs did this to me.

 

I agree with you Fireman Sam, some people are straight cowards. Some people would rather run away and find someone else and throw the dice again then work with what they have, no matter how promising. They could find someone who seems perfect but for the tiniest flaw sometimes and would aggravatedly cast the dice again then accept it.