Vulnerability

[Weeblie]

Has anyone ever just put themselves out there for someone they thought they loved, knowing fully well that there's a good chance the feeling isn't reciprocated? Putting yourself out there to mean...allowing yourself to be wholly vulnerable and honest with the person about how you feel.

 

What was that like for you? Do you regret it? Did they feel the same way? If they didn't, did they ever change their mind?

 

Sorry if this seems weird, but I was watching One Tree Hill the other night and I thought to myself...geez louise. If only they communicated better. ](*,)

[SugarHoneyIcedTea]

I have. It was probabbly one of the most depressing times in my life. I totally let him in, trusted him, was honest with him & I got everything thrown in my face when I had to find out he really wasn't feeling the same. I don't regret it though, because through that one experience I have matured greatly. I will never put myself out there like that again, it came with too much risks & it's something I can only hope to fully recover from one day.

 

He did change his mind in the end but, he is the past and will forever remain in the past.

[Weeblie]

SugarHoney, I'm sorry that was such a depressing experience for you. I did something similar and it sucked so bad. But like you, I don't feel regret. For me it felt like a giant weight had been lifted (though another one soon replaced it).

 

I do hope you're able to recover from that experience. I think there's something empowering about being open and honest about feelings. Though, perhaps I might be more cautious about sharing it again.

[Jetta]

I have and got bite in the but. I opened up fully about how I was feeling, he said he was feeling the same but when push came to shove he wasn't there for me.

[Excalibur]

I never thought me loving them - was contingent on them loving me.

[Weeblie]

I never thought me loving them - was contingent on them loving me.

 

Very true.

Why do you mention this though?

[Excalibur]

Becuase you're asking if you can put yourself out there and tell this person what you think and feel about them - without assuranes and guarantees of reprocicity.

 

And my point is - my perception and perspective of them was never based in any belief I had that they "wanted what I wanted". I adopted thoseposition o respect, admiration, trust and love based on the character they exhibited at all times, in the actions, decisions and words they were always taking.

 

So I had no problem telling them precisely how i felt, and waht I thought - it wasn't about "were they going to say it back at me".

 

It's not vulnerability to state what is a fact. It's only vulnerability if you believe if they don't think/feel same, I've exposed myself to being hurt or humiliated by them knowing what i've told them.

 

If ou believe what you're saying about thier character, even if tthey don't want what you want, you won't be humiliated or hurt by their actions, they don't have that type of character.

[Weeblie]

Ah, thanks for the explanation.

 

It's not vulnerability to state what is a fact. It's only vulnerability if you believe if they don't think/feel same, I've exposed myself to being hurt or humiliated by them knowing what i've told them.

 

If ou believe what you're saying about thier character, even if tthey don't want what you want, you won't be humiliated or hurt by their actions, they don't have that type of character.

 

Right, it's vulnerability, only when you're uncertain if the feeling is reciprocated. And I think regardless of the other person's character, rejection is still going to hurt. I wouldn't feel humiliated, but I definitely would feel hurt.

[Excalibur]

No,it's only vulnerability when you don't believe what you're saying as a fact, and it's only true "if they think/feel same".

 

it's not vulnerability if you believe everyting you're stating - and they go "well, that's great to hear, but I don't feel the same about a relationship with you".

 

It's not going to not hurt - to have rejection of an offer. But it's not vulnerability to state your views if they're your views - no matter what the other person thiniks/wants/feels.

[Weeblie]

I think we're viewing this from different angles.

 

If I'm in love with someone and I let them know that and they reject me. I will feel hurt. While I won't regret what I've said or resent them for their choice, the fact that the feeling isn't reciprocated will still be painful. And because there is always the possibility of feeling that hurt, I consider being open like that, being vulnerable.

 

Just because I can rationalize it, doesn't mean that emotions automatically turn off. Now if I was to feel humiliated, that's a different story. I wouldn't feel humiliated because I was being truthful and so was the other person. There's no shame in that.