I feel confused

[evangela]

Hi, I'm new to this forum but I guess getting help anywhere is helpful. I've been married for a year and a half now, and I feel confused about our marriage. Back in the summer time I caught my husband talking to other women, he would talk to them on the phone all the time lying to me that they were his long time ago friends, also to add to that after each phone call he would write email to them and it wasn't just a friend email, it all was sexual talk mails. Of course he does have the adventage that I don't speak his language so whatever he talks and whatever he writes I don't know. Well it got to the point that I had enough and I took his email to translate and that's when I found out what the content was. What hurt me the most though was, he wrote an email to that girl on our annaversary and that email was the worse. I felt crushed and I was ready to get a divorce but at the same time I felt week and didn't know if I could cope with a divorce. Well it took few days for us to work it out. But after that I just couldn't get my trust for him. Yet everytime I would show that I have some trust to him, he would act weird towards me. He would be more distant and our sexual life went way down. I mean seriously we have sex maybe once every to everyother week. Which you might think is still good but not for this man. Everytime we would get into fights he would say all these terrible things that he will make me suffer and all these things, which I know were only threats to make me sad. And after that it would always follow that "Let's get a divorce we are not good together"

Well few days ago I found out that he is still talking to women but I have no idea this time about what because he is chatting on this website. And I saw he was talking to this girl that I have also met, but everytime she called he would tel me it his co-worker, when I confronted him about it and showed him evidence that he wanted, he just said I don't know, I don't know about this. When obviously it's right there ont he paper. What really makes me sad is that he always lies to me when I asked him if he still talkes to other girls he said that "no" and when I asked him when was the last time he used that website he said it was bwfore the summer, yet on his computer it shows that it was decemebr 21. Well after that whole fight he hasn't spoken to me for the whole night (we slept in separate rooms) and he is still not talking to me for this whole day I mean this is not the first time but I don't know what to do anymore. I love him very much and I would do anything for him but I'm tired of getting hurt. I feel very confused I want to live happy but yet at the same time I don't want to leave him. And I'm scared that I will have to. I really wonder a lot of times why he married me. And why is he tormenting me like this I haven't done anything to deserve this. I feel that my emotional state will not cope if I leave him, and I don't want to leave him, because I love him too much.

What should I do? How can I fix this is there a way he can stop finding other women? How long is this going to last?

[Dieselmetfan]

Wow! To be honest with you, I really dont think he is the right person for you and that it is probably best to part ways simply because of all the things hes done to hurt you. I know that you dont want to have a divorce but he is obviously not the person you thought he was. You also mentioned that he said that he'll make you suffer and all. Thats a threat by him and really should be thought of as serious. What I think you should do since you still love him a lot is, you should have a serious talk to him. no arguments, nothing like that. a casual not hostile conversation. he is your husband and you deserve better from him. you should tell him the way you feel and that it really hurts you a lot. Since he also used some threats, it wouldnt be a good idea to bring up the divorce by yourselves alone just yet. Ask him if he still loves you the way u love him, and if he really does, then he needs to stop lying to you and start being honest because thats how you will regain your trust for him. Maybe marriage counseling would help. Your family and friends needs to start being informed about your current situation so they can watch out for you. Remember to not have an argument, no voice raising, just serious husband to wife talk. B4 you make your decision, its best for you to post up another ad so people like me and others can help. Wish you the best of luck.

[evangela]

Well that is the problem, he is not a guy that can talk normally when as he puts it "I attack him". When I usually simply just ask him questions, he just tryes to avoid them. He always tryes to change the subject and tryes to revse the fight so it seems that I am the bad guy and it's my fault we are fighting. During the first fight I did go to my parents house and stayed there I think for two days until he came and picked me up appologizing. Right now he is still not talking to me and it seems that he is getting ready to go out, and even though it's very hard for me I will try to give him some space. Really not knowing when I actually can talk to him because not all the time he comes back with open arms to me, there are times that he comes back not talking. It's like a russian roulette, you don't know what you can get.

[evangela]

He just left and I've noticed that he didn't wear his wedding band. And also I forgot to add earlier that in our fight he said "you are just a roommate anyway. I tell everyone we are just roommates" now I don't know if it's true or he just said that to hurt me. But the fact that he did wear the ring shows me he dosn't care. Should I call him and tell him we have to talk and we should get a divorce or should I be patient. But it is killing me inside not being able to express what I feel. Should I call him?

[Dieselmetfan]

I think you should let him go out and then stop talking about the situation first. You should wait tonight and do this tomorrow.