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putting pride aside


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i havent been on here in a while, if you dont know my situation, me and my girlfriend got back together about a month ago, and were doing really well.. we moved back in together.. we have a 11 month old son together... i got mad over something yesterday, i asked her to change her top friends on her myspace because she has to guys on there.. i know a little immature, but its the point that she wont, and everytime we get in a fight i do what ever it takes to fix it, as for her she's always the one who will wait the fight out until i say lets talk about it.. she CAN NOT put her pride aside for one minute.. i know this is over something so stupid but its the point that i would do it for her if it would help the situation.. please some advice.. its always me trying to end the fight never her..

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i know what your saying but i bother's me, i know its really immature but i cant help it... if she seen something like that on my page she would flip.. so what can i possibly do to not make her mature a little more but to make her see things a little more my way?

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Why do you care that she has two guys are on her friend list?

Is it because you are worried that she is secretly talking to them and meeting up with them and cheating on you? Why are you jealous and why do you care that she has guy friends? I understand that there are probablly some underlying issues that may have caused this.

With respect to her pride... Just straight up come out and say to her that you wish she would take some initiative when it comes to working out your problems..


I'm no expert but I hope this helps.

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it sounds to me like u are ready to commit to her but u r afraid that she isn't ready to commit to u. u r scared that she is giving other guys her attention when she shouldn't give that kind of attention to them. i think u would be secure if u know that she's 100% committed to u. if u were secure, u wouldn't have a problem with her putting up pix of other guys or even hot looking celebrities.


i think your insecurity stems from the fact that u were hurt once before, when u two broke up. now, u guys decided to give it a shot again, but u r having trust issues with her. u r not trusting her 100%. and thereforeee, you suspect that she's not 100% committed to u.


i think u guys should try to talk about this.


don't talk when u r mad. but try to talk when u r both in ok mood. pick the right time and place. try to be honest and maybe she'll understand. maybe she'll want to work on the relationship. cuz u can't save the relationship all by yourself. you both have to try. it's complicated since u have a kid, but she has to want to be in this relationship with u.


hope u guys work it out. and don't belittle her implying anything that may make her feel like she's immature or she's less than u.

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it may be that she feels you are trying to control her a bit too much. you say you would do this for her if she asked in order to end the fight and help the situation. but would it really help the situation? others have mentioned that maybe you are having trouble trusting her or having trouble with insecurities?


i don't know the full story so i don't know if there are lots of reasons for you to be distrustful. but the fact that she has a couple good friends who are guys and who are at the top of her myspace maybe shouldn't threaten you in and of itself. i have lots of women friends and i also have some guy friends who are amongst my best friends. if i'm dating someone, i don't hide these friendships and i introduce everybody and all that. i'm not secretive, and it doesn't sound like she is being either. have you met these guys and are you friendly with them? is she hanging out with them but never including you? if not, then i'm not sure what the worry is. i haven't taken the time to rearrange my top friends on myspace - it is just in order of who linked up with me first. if someone i was dating started telling me i needed to rearrange that stuff i might think there was a bigger problem and feel they were being a bit controlling.


i might have been guilty of similar things as your girlfriend - meaning i didn't just do whatever my ex-boyfriend requested in order to end the fight. he said something similar - that he would have done whatever it was for me in order to keep me from feeling insecure/bad/threatened/etc. but it got out of control. for example, he never wanted me to call him by his name - it had to be honey, sweetie, baby all the time. he got upset when i sat next to a friend at a restaurant and left him to sit next to his friend, instead of making sure we sat together. he got upset if i fell asleep without saying good night and giving him a kiss every night. he got upset if i held his hand "loosely" in public, interpreting that to mean i was embarrassed to be holding his hand. i'm not saying that you are this sensitive - but he did say something similar which was that if i cared for him i would just do all these things he was asking me to do. but i came to feel stiffled and controlled and like no matter what i did he was going to continue to find other things to feel insecure about.


bottom line is that you two have a child together, she moved in with you, and it is you she is with.


i could be all wrong on this if she has given you lots of reasons not to trust her or she is being secretive. just throwing it out there.

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