Man on the rebound

[loveyourself5]

So I was reading this book called "Mars and Venus, Starting Over", and I know this is about starting over after a break up, but I came accross some piece of information that I found very interesting. To those ladies that have an ex who's already found a new partner so soon, please read. Somehow this gave me a little bit of hope when it comes to getting back together with my ex.

 

"One of the biggest differences between men and women starting over is that men tend to get involved too soon, while woman take too long. A man on the rebound moves from one relationship to another. He does not realize that by doing this he misses the opportunity to heal his heart. Getting involved after a loss may soothe his pain, but it does little to heal it. When a man on the rebound makes a commitment, it is hard for him to keep it. Eventually, he wil either wonder why he can't make up his mind, or he will clearly decide that his partner is the wrong one for him. Most rebound relationships do not last.

 

A hungry man will eat almost anything. After his immediate hunger is satisfied, he can then afford to be more picky about what he wants. A man on the rebound is like a man starving for food. He can fall in love with almost anyone who offers him a few crums of love. It is as though he wakes up from a the dream of infatuation and is suddendly no longer interested.

 

After a relationship ends, a man may feel like a failure. To prove his manhood or his competence as a man, he will seek out a sexual partner and "score". Getting involved on the rebound almost insures that we will get involved with the wrong person."

 

I do not know if this can also apply to the dumper (a man) or if it's just for a dumpee (man). Whatever the meaning behind it I believe you can apply it for both. In my case I'm applying to my ex (dumper) who gave little or no time to be by himself and just jumped into the arms of a female in need (at least that's what he says).

 

Anyways do y'all think this is true? I know most rebound relationships do not last unless you've found the time to heal yourself and to forgive and forgett. But those of us who refuse to forgett and start over again with our exes, you think this might hold a little bit of truth behind it?

[james_sx11]

"To prove his manhood or his competence as a man, he will seek out a sexual partner and "score""

 

sounds about right

[sweeteyez]

I just read this as well, and i do think its true. I could never even begin to start thinking of a new man in my life, however I know the ex im sure has moved on to feel "better"

[ycmanvs]

I have seen this happen to almost all the men I know. Even if the rebound lasts for a year or two, they usually break up because they never had time to figure out who they were or what they really wanted. The problem is that many people just end up jumping from relationship to relationship, without taking the time to mourn the previous one. Women do this too...not just men.

[daylightisdying]

Wow, this sounds like me and I'm a woman (and was the dumper). It really hits home. I broke up with my ex of 6 years about one month ago. Not even two weeks after I fell hard for a co-worker (who was also on the rebound) and that ended after one week and I was more heartbroken about him then I was about my ex. Not even a DAY after that happened, I called an old friend (which I always secretly wanted more but couldn't because I was in a relationship) to consol me and now I'm afraid things are going too far with him. I'm just a hot mess of emotions. But all of this makes me realize that I'm not actually healing, just trying to cover up the pain by jumping from guy to guy.

[loveyourself5]

In my situation, a month after my ex broke up with me I found myself dating this guy who I wasn't even attracted to at first. In plain english, I was desperate. Desperate for the affection that I had been receiving for 7yrs, desperate for kisses, desperate for a touch. Come to realize I ended up going out with 3 guys, but whom do I have now? Neither! I just realized that I'm not ready yet...I need some time for myself, especially I need time to let go of the attachment that I feel for my ex. I do love him with all my heart and I need to give time to myself to rekindle the love we once had or to move on and find the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I don't believe in jumping from one person to another, I believe in that one person that just completes me. I don't need different kinds of love or affection..I need the right one.

[Nearwater]

I am at the opposite end, my Gf dumped me, and is dating a co-worker that had been pursuing her at her travel job.

My efforts at getting back with her are failing. She has to travel accross the country to see him, to an area that she went to for work. Her home is near mine, and we rented an apartment in the other place. She will likely be gone for 6 weeks. If her rebound does not work out my prayers are that then she sees what she left behind and returns, to reconcile. I can't even think of dating.

[james_sx11]

If her rebound does not work out my prayers are that then she sees what she left behind and returns, to reconcile. I can't even think of dating.

 

You’re worth more than that – really. Why would you want someone back who has put you in second place?

This sounds harsh but while you’re sitting at home pining over her she’s banging some other guy… walk away. Don’t waste your time.

Do not become second place. Find someone who sees you as the prize.

[redtan]

One of the biggest differences between men and women starting over is that men tend to get involved too soon

 

Don't tell that to my ex, who started screwing some guy less than a week after ending a 4 year relationship...

[spion_kop]

I dont know if this is true. My friends have telling me to go date and get a girl since I was on the rebound. I didnt do it because i wanted to take some time off and deal with this period in my life. I've realized a lot of things from being single and it's helped me to be the person i know i can be.

My ex on the other hand like redtan mentioned, started dating her coworker after 3 days. So i dont think it's just men who have an appetite, it's women too. Who knows, it may not be a rebound but if she is happy, who am i to question? She is not a child and she will discover things in her own way.

[ifloatabove]

My ex started dating a woman a week after we broke up when he said this was all about him trying to figure himself out and not play the field. He later told me everyone thought she was hot and he felt lucky that he was the one to date her. Turns out even later, he tells me that she's a weirdo and he was put off by everything about her including how long it took her to get ready and all her fake hair extensions. I can see now the desperation in him to make himself feel better by replacing me with something similar. Because for weeks after that, he still couldn't stop thinking about me. On Monday I asked him why he did that to me, dated a woman when he said he wouldn't, and he said, "I was just trying to fill the void of not having you in my life anymore." He never really had a chance to heal his heart I guess you could say, it was doomed to fail based on the fact that he hadn't recovered from me yet. And it is true from that book, he wanted to feel loved as I had loved him but he wouldn't allow me to do so anymore so he tried to find it from someone else.

 

I can relate to it that way!

[loveyourself5]

Sometimes I can't help but wonder what's going on in the dumper's head. Specially when they tell you that they want to be single and not have anyone to answer to (I got this as part of my break up speech), but then they move someone in not even a month after you've left!

 

You know why I have some anger deep inside the pit of my stomach, it is not because my ex broke up our 7yrs relationship (I've gotten past that initial anger and the why's??) but because he moved in some chick from work and started dating her right after he ended things with me!! Such a hypocrite! "She didn't have a place to live blah blah blah....! Sorry y'all just had to vent.