ycmanvs Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Yesterday I cried and felt sorry for myself, for wasting 4 years of my life with someone who cared so little about me. I let it all out. I do feel better today but I am still upset that I have not heard from him. It is silly to expect him to contact me and I know that, in the long run, not speaking to him will be best. I have to focus on myself. I have to learn how to be alone on a Friday or Saturday night. I have to learn to trust people again. My friend is in a long distance relationship with a guy who lives about 500 miles away. She talks to him every day, multiple times a day. When she is upset, they work it out. Although she does not see him very often, their level of intimacy is so much deeper than anything I had with my ex. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 It's hard when you lose someone who is very close to you. Sometimes it feel like its impossible to move on. But you will, sooner or later. You didn't waste four years of your life with a guy. Every relationship has a role in our life (whether it works out or not). Sometimes we are just meant to learn from it. It's hard being alone. I do understand that. Good luck! Link to comment
septembermourning Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 I totally know how you feel and I am going through it now too. In my case the guy was a jerk and I am lucky to be away from him but I am still hurting over it and regrettably I do still love him. It's horrible. We were on and off for two years... he made me feel on top of the world and could just as surely rip the carpet from under me and devestate me which he did many times. I actually just moved to another state two weeks ago (in part to escape our roller coaster painful cycle). But we were still close and talked every day among other things. Since my move I have not heard a word from him and it is super painful. I feel like I never mattered like I've been completely replaced already. I know there was a girl he kind of liked when I left. It's a knife in the heart. It really is and I wish it did not hurt but it does. Time really does heal though and that's what I'm counting on... that and the fact for the first time ever he is actually not contacting me. But you are right, you need to focus on you as hard as that is and get well, be happy again and heal. The best revenge IS LIVING WELL. Link to comment
amya Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 I think coming out of any relationship makes you feel a bit insecure, when the one person you thought loved you more than anything doesn't seem to care anymore you start to think oh crap well then who DOES! We can all give each other advice, we can all take other peoples advice, but we all know deep down the only thing that will cure this misery is time. Sick of hearing it but it's true, just think about all the other people you used to like once... gross ent they! What will be will be etc etc! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 I think my problem is that I do not have anything certain in my life. My job is temporary......and so are my relationships. Perhaps if I started to get serious about my career, other things would eventually fall into place. Link to comment
amya Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Yeah i can relate to that. What went wrong in my relationship, aside other things, i think was that he had so many interests and hobbies yet i didn't really have anything that occupied me, apart from university, but when i was at uni i'd just be wanting to come home and see him! I think it's really important to have things for youself, be happy within what you're doing with YOUR life otherwise it'll cause a strain on the relationship. It's important to have goals and ambition without that other person and not to revolve everything around them. Realised to late, but it's better late than never. No man should be your life, he should just be a handy little bonus! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 Yeah i can relate to that. What went wrong in my relationship, aside other things, i think was that he had so many interests and hobbies yet i didn't really have anything that occupied me, apart from university, but when i was at uni i'd just be wanting to come home and see him! I think it's really important to have things for youself, be happy within what you're doing with YOUR life otherwise it'll cause a strain on the relationship. It's important to have goals and ambition without that other person and not to revolve everything around them. Realised to late, but it's better late than never. No man should be your life, he should just be a handy little bonus! That is funny because I was actually the one with the hobbies and the interests and working full time and going to grad school. His only hobby was going out drinking, picking up women and gaming online. He was no catch. He looked good and had a job and owned property but his personality was horrible. Link to comment
amya Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Well then, you answered your own question! Sounds silly but i'd much rather think my boyfriend was horrible rather than the saint i make him out to be, coz it would be a lot easier to forget him! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 I am mad at myself for staying with him, knowing that things would not get better. I knew this would eventually end, but the sex was great and I was too busy to date anyone else. Link to comment
septembermourning Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 I am a total disaster... not only am I dealing with a break up and a move to another state. I am also unemployed and looking for a job with no money! I went on a temp to perm assignment yesterday/today and found out the managing partner is an evil b*tch... very disappointing. It bugs the hell out of me that there is not one concrete thing in my life. I cry all the time about it. I am almost 33 and I feel like a failure but you just have to do your best and believe things will turn around... I moved here to start a different and hopefully better life. I left behind a poisonous ex and a job where I was not appreciated. So now no guy, no job... and I feel horrible and alone but I will find a new better guy and a new better job one day. Change is scary but staying where you are unhappy and settling is worse... Change will make you sick and terrified for a little while but it also gives you the opportunity to be happy... and find something better. Most people don't take the risks for fear. I just made a huge leap in my life and I pray it works out because I knew my old life wasn't working and it was not the state I wanted to end up in. Moving here was the scariest/hardest thing I've ever done and it's awful right now but I have hope. Link to comment
amya Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 EVERYTHING ends. Everything. Think of the poor people who are married for 30 years and break up! Jesus!!!! And don't worry the next guy you meet will be crackin' in bed! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 Wow, that sounds amazing. You must be a very strong person to be able to change so much in your life. I have to take a leap of faith and go find a permanent job, or ask the people here if they would like to hire me. Link to comment
septembermourning Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Thank you for saying that because I certainly don't feel very strong!!! Don't you just love this site?? I come on here every time I am going through a rough time over the past few years and it does help to write and get random people's feedback. Make the leap!! You deserve better! if I can do it anyone can do it! Get out some Madonna and play "Jump" for motivation. I do that sometimes. lol. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Another weekend spent with friends. I thought about the ex a few times. I thought about calling him but I did not do it. It was not easy to stay away from that phone but I am proud that I did it. I am still very lonely and I am still hoping that this feeling will pass. I am a little depressed. I am still losing weight and I have no appetite.... Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Ycmanvs, I know how you feel. Sometimes I wonder if relationships are worth it at all, since they all seem to end and someone gets hurt one way or another. Yeah, my bleak outlook. Link to comment
deang Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 the feeling will pass...I am starting to feel normal...I miss her but don't dwell on it which to me is awesome...I hope today is just a building block for tomorrow. It will happen for you soon...the funny thing is yesterday may have been my worst day but last night I felt relief and this morning wasn't great but by 10am I was feeling pretty good and it's lasted all day...keep the faith and hope that things will get better...they always do. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 It's been almost a month since I last spoke to the ex. Yesterday, I saw that he posted a picture of his naked torso on the same dating site that I use. He said he would never do on-line dating, and made fun of me when I told him that I had used it in the past to meet people. It seems that he is looking for "hook-ups" so he is still not serious about meeting someone special. This is helping me heal because I know that he is not the type of guy I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Link to comment
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