Here's a tough one...not sure if it's in the right subject heading

[timetoremember]

Okay....so my husband and I have had counselling due to certain problems (lack of attention from him for many years (due to his addiction to the computer) and me looking elsewhere for it nearly leading to an affair recently) )After the coun. session, it was still undecided whether I wanted to continue with the marriage. Actually, I had nearly decided on leaving him and starting afresh on my own with my daughter. Here's the clincher though, 2 days ago I find out I'm pregnant. Of course he is over the moon and thinks now that everything will be fine with us. BUT, 1. I despise being pregnant, 2. I'm nearly 38 (and other problems) will mean that the pregnancy now will be a highrisk, 3. I have no desire to have anymore children or go through the whole baby raising episode. 4. Yes, I have heard of contraception, but was told it was highly unlikely that I would ever fall pregnant again because my first pregnancy was against all odds. We had even tried unsuccessfully 3 attempts at IVF. So, after having sex once during all this instability, I fall pregnant. I am going to continue counselling, as I'm considering termination of this pregnancy, I honestly don't think psych./emotionally that I will cope if I continue on with the pregnancy. And the last thing that I think this world needs is an unwanted child in a crap realationship. I would like some honest advice from people that maybe have been in this situation.

[Hayles]

I myelf have not been in this situation, but have been VERY close to one - My youngest sister has just been through something very similar, except she was considering leaving an abusive relationship at the time. She too was afraid of all of the same things as you, with the exception of being younger and having one very young child at that time. I asked her if she would like me to find about her options, as her SO was threatening her life if she was to not continue with the pregnancy. I attended a local pregnancy care clinic, and was able to be very open with them about my sister's situation and my own concerns. They scheduled an appointment for her to visit for counselling, and within half an hour, she was confident that she was able to have an abortion - but decided to tell her SO that she had miscarriaged, due to her fearing for her safety at that time. She knew she was not ready to have another child, most especially not when she would soon be single, and she also wanted no further ties to her SO once she was able to escape the relationship.

 

I believe that you already know that your marriage is quite possibly not going to work, and thereforeee you really must consider YOUR own feelings about raising two children on your own, and you already seem to be concerned about your emotional health... I think you know what is best for you, and you have the support of a counsellor through this time, so I think you're going to be okay... Apregnancy clinic can be a wonderful help, as they know everything you are faced with, and remain objecive, maybe that's an option?

[thejigsup]

You have to do whatever you can live with personally. I would suggest a trial seperation and if you are sure you want an abortion, do it! But do let him know what is going on, he has the right to that. If you two can't agree on abortion, carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption. Who knows, if the trial seperation works along with the counseling, you could end up happy with this child. As I said before, make the decision you can live with personally. Everyone has the right to that.