Oncebittwiceshy Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 This sucks. One day I'm fine the next I'm a mess. He called me out of the blue to see if I was okay. It was after midnight and we started talking. All I really told him was that I was okay. I told him that I would always care for him, and that he probably never knew how much I cared about him, and it would take awhile for me to be myself again but I'd get over him soon enough. I also said that I thought we had been really good together but he was obviously over me so I need to get over him. Then for some reason I dont know how the topic changed to this but he started telling me how I have a lot of "faults" and "poor qualities" but he wouldn't tell me what they were because they were too mean. Then he goes on to say that his parents and his friends all support his decision to get rid of me 100% and thought it was a good idea, and that he's been on two dates already. He asked about a hooded sweatshirt that was his (the day he broke up with me over the phone*last mon* he told me to keep it) I told him I threw it away. He went nuts and started saying "what are you stupid? That was a $78 hoodie, and you f'king threw it away. God you're dumb. Why didn't you give it back" I said "Dont call me stupid.(whichw was interrupted with a 'you are though) you gave it to me when you dumped me, and I just got rid of everything that reminded me of you. the shirt just happened to be one of them, and since you told me to keep it it was mine to do with what i please". I wish I could remember the rest of the conversation, but he hasn't called since and Im not sure how I feel about it. I still kind of miss him, but damn did he have to call me stupid? I know I havent gone to college yet, I'm trying to find a good school to go to for my RN degree. I know I just need to forget him and that he's no good for me, but for some reason I just feel weird and cant. I shouldn't miss him but I still do even after all that. This is so confusing. Why would he get so upset over a shirt he GAVE to me? What, am I supposed to keep it and cry every day I wear it? He doesn't make sense. He's made it obvious that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, and I still miss the SOB and am willing to forgive him and start over. My heart hurts but my brain is confused lol. For the record, Im not the type of woman to stay in an abusive relationship, he's the only guy I"ve dated thats been like this. I just cant seem to get over the fact that I have "faults that cant be said" appearantly and I dont understand why they cant be fixed, why we cant be fixed after four years. Link to comment
Leezon Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 It sounds like my ex. She moved out and left all her stuff here. She had been gone for about 2 weeks and i told her i needed her stuff out the house so i can try and move on, she just replied saying that she would do it when she wants to. About a week later with no contact from her i told her that i was going to put her stuff in our garage because she has had long enough to get it. About 3 days after that she came over so her son could see me on his birthday. We were fine and being normal. Then she went into the garage and saw her stuff, then came back into the house kicked me in the balls, then stabbed my arm with her car keys (all infront of her 6yr old son) she then went into the front room and ripped my expensive surround sound speakers off the wall and smashed them against the floor and left. Its just pathetic isnt it, i have been left with so many physical scars from her flipping out because she cant get her own way (like the time she pushed me through a 2nd story glass window because i wouldnt turn my computer off, but lets not go into that). But just like you i love her with all my heart still, its insane.. Link to comment
LifesontheUp Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 He sounds like he is verbally abusive and thinks himself superior to you.........what an a$$hole. Its like he thinks he's perfect and doesn't have any faults.......yeah right! I wouldn't answer anymore of his calls and don't even think about the hoodie. Keep repeating that you don't need to be involved with a selfish manipulative monster over and over again until it sinks in. You deserve better than all the cr%p he's dishing out. Link to comment
Zampotne Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 It's because he wants you to still miss him, still want to be together, etc.... even if HE doesn't. Lots of people are like this. They don't want to be with you but are angered when you don't want to be with them either. It's immaturity at it's finest. Think of it as another reminder that you're better off without him. Link to comment
keenan Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 good god, what a creep. he calls to make sure you're still missing him, then once he has you in a vulnerable spot he insults until you feel even smaller and weaker. he's a loser, baby. the only stupid thing you did was listen to him while he tried to hurt you. those "you have faults that i can't tell you about" pseudo-insults are on par with a 6th grader breaking up with somebody because "if you don't know why then i won't tell you." they're designed to make you doubt every last thing about yourself, and analyze every character trait in excruciating detail while you wonder, "was THIS what he doesn't like about me?" it's a trick--he's mean and he's a coward. send me his sweatshirt, and i'll cut it into little pieces and mail it to him. Link to comment
Oncebittwiceshy Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 It's because he wants you to still miss him, still want to be together, etc.... even if HE doesn't. Why would he do that? If he's already seeing other people whats the point? Link to comment
Oncebittwiceshy Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 Originally Posted by Keenan- those "you have faults that i can't tell you about" pseudo-insults are on par with a 6th grader breaking up with somebody because "if you don't know why then i won't tell you." they're designed to make you doubt every last thing about yourself, and analyze every character trait in excruciating detail while you wonder, "was THIS what he doesn't like about me?" it's a trick THANK YOU. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he said that and this makes perfect sense. I mean, if we arent going out anymore why would he be concerned about hurting my feelings? If anything I want to know what these faults are so I can fix them for my next relationship (which will probably never happen lol) Link to comment
keenan Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 THANK YOU. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he said that and this makes perfect sense. I mean, if we arent going out anymore why would he be concerned about hurting my feelings? If anything I want to know what these faults are so I can fix them for my next relationship (which will probably never happen lol) You're very welcome. He's not really all that original--he didn't invent that particular form of abuse--but it sounds like he's learning to perfect it at your expense. Don't play his mind game. Just don't play! Of *course* you'll have a next relationship--trust me, there are ALWAYS more men. Always. And most of them are very nice and will NOT find lots and lots of mysterious things wrong with you. Break-ups are hard, but be brave, smile, be yourself, and do whatever it takes to feel confident--an RN program, good friends, inspirational books, chick flicks, the gym, a yoga class, cute clothes, a new hairstyle, whatever. This is your road, and you're driving the car...and *he's in the ditch somewhere about a mile back hurling rocks at your back window as you drive away.* Leave him there. Link to comment
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