Fun Date, Angry E-mail?

[Genji05]

Hi, I've posted before about my relationship problems. I'm the guy with the girlfriend who [link removed couldn't commit to anyting . Anyway, I suppose we are officially broken up now.

 

Here's the thing. We went on a date last week and things were a little weird at first. We fought a very little bit. But soon things smoothed out and we started laughing and having fun again. She joked around with me and even touched me every now and then. At the end of the date, we were hugging and then she kissed me.

 

So everything is going good, right? Well then that night, I get this angry e-mail from her basically saying, "I had a horrible time today, and I think you did too. It seemed like you just wanted to hurt me by showing me how well you were doing without me. I feel like I can't talk to you when you're being so evasive and playing games. You don't have to hurt me just because I don't want to be your girlfriend. I'm sad too. I know I lost something and it's hard to let go.

 

I was totally confused. I thought she had a pretty good time from her actions during the date. I waited a day and then wrote her back saying more or less, "I'm sorry you had a miserible time, but I had a good time seeing you. It was never my intention to hurt you and I'm sorry if I did so. I hope we can still remain friends."

 

Then she replies back with, "I can stay friends with you, but only if you stop being so evasive. I hate hints and guessing games when I'm trying to have a conversation with you. If you feel you can be open with me, I can talk with you."

 

So I write back with, "I'd like to see you again sometime soon. I can be open with you. It seems to me as if you have something you want to talk about. Let me know when you're ready to talk and we'll get together."

 

Now I'm just in the "no contact" zone. I've sort of painted myself into a corner and I can't contact her now without giving the appearance that I'm caving in. It's really hard to fight back the urge to pick up the phone and call her. But I'm doing fine so far.

 

So I'm just wondering what you have to say about all this. Why did she get so mad when she seemed to be having so much fun on the date? Was she testing me? Was it just part of her being confused about everything in life? Do you think there's much of a chance of us working things out here? I'm don't really know what's going on! All of these questions are driving me crazy! It's really hard to fight the urge to call her, but I know I have to. Thanks for taking the time to read this. It means a lot to me.

 

-Genji05

[kuhl282000]

Hey Dude

 

I read your post, thanks for sharing what must be a tough time for you. Sounds like from her actions verses what she is saying you would for sure be getting mixed messages. I believe she feels you have hurt her or maybe even insulted her in her mind in some way. I think you did the right thing in the way you have responded. And as tough as it may have been. I have found that when people get mad, they have to take like one or two little things. And they can get blown way out of wack. Sometimes when people play head games, you have to try and find the secret hidden message. And sometimes you find things out you really don't want to find out. Just the little bit I read, sounds to me she has to be in control. Some people have to be the one in control in the relationship, or they feel they are losing control. I think your doing the right thing. Give her sometime to sort things out. It takes a big person to say they are sorry. You were that.

 

Kuhl

[Charlee]

Genji,

 

I understand how your confused. My ex has done similar things. I was given advice to stop the begging and pleading with him and act normal and happy around him so he could see what he was missing.

 

One time he called in to collect some items. I left him to it ater a brief converstation and laughed and joked in another room with the kids. Later he rang me and said 'you seemed differant and were cold towards me - why?' There have been other times when I have shared things I did with him, like he does with me, only to have him get mad and ask why I rub things in his face!

 

I think those that leave us 'because I need space/this won't work out' are obviously confused and fighting their feelings, so they read things into our actions and words. Maybe your ex enjoyed the date more than she expected to, and lashing out at you afterwards was her way of dealing with it.

 

Hang in there, and go the no contact rule. Let her miss you and wonder what your up to. Fight that urge.

 

regards

[brim]

you guys just went through something. i suppose you gotta bear in mind that she tends to be more sensitive to all the little things.

 

but i think you did great. =)

 

the best thing you can do now is to give it some time i suppose. all the best!

[Genji05]

Hi everyone. Thanks for the replies. It means a lot to me. Anyway, I've kept the "no contact" going, and last night (after almost a week of no contact) I got an e-mail from my ex.

 

She seemed more mellow; she didn't seem to be overanalyzing things as much. She basically just said that she had a nice Christmas and that she hoped I did too. Then she said that she still cares about me and that she often wonders how I'm doing. She also said a few things about what she's been up to lately too.

 

That's about it. She didn't say that she wants to see me or anything like that. So, I'm debating if I should reply or not. Should I write back and tell her how I'm doing? Maybe even ask if she wants to do something? Or should I not reply and let the sense of mystery build around me for a bit longer? Any advice is welcome. Thanks!

 

-Genji05

[avman]

It would certainly be polite to email back and reply. You could tell her that you are doing fine and tell her a thing or two that you have been up to.

 

And then close the email. Just say nice to hear from you and glad you are well. Then see where she wants to take this next. Its only been a week of no contact so let her think about things some more. Don't ask her to get together just yet.

 

avman