Good Chance

[ccali78]

So I am growing immensely and feeling stronger everyday. I am learning about myself and others. I love understanding people and what they are going through as it helps me understand that everyone is different and I can learn from everyone. I volunteer a lot (say 10-20 hours a week, depending on work load). I work fulltime (been at my new job 7 weeks and I like it). I have a puppy that I love to pieces (6 months old)> I am finding myself.

 

I am also learning to respect the feelings of my ex and his need for space to work through his depression. We have such a great time when we hang out but of he gets any pressure from me he crumbles and pulls away as fear of hurting me. Has anyone else experienced this and is there hope? I know sounds bad, but I truly believe not now we will get back together and it will be better than ever. I am calm with myself.

[tushboy]

Sounds like you are really in a good place and finding your own happiness. I can tell by the vibe you send that you both will get back together and it will be for good.

[EddieAdams]

I'm there right now with my ex.

 

She has depression, but, we haven't had contact for about 3 weeks now.

[ccali78]

Thanks Tushboy

 

My ex and I have been broken up 2 1/2 months now. It was hard at first. I begged for about 2 weeks as I was in shock. Than I let him go and said I needed him out of my life. That is when he asked to hang out. It was slow. We had ice cream and did not talkfor 2 hours (eventhough he said he wanted to talk). I did not push it. He is now coming around but I know he needs to do it at his pace. He takes the damage in our relationship (his family) harded than I do. It is the black sheep in the room. We stopped communicating and I know in order for us to build anything. We need to take it slow. your pledge needs to be unconditional (depression is an illness just like any other disease) you need to be strong. I found it easier to join a depression forum too. People will help you there. Until you understand the way a depressed mind works there is no moving forward. Do not corner them or they will either flee to safety where noone can judge them or attack. So I am dedicated right now to working on me so I am stronger to deal with the emotional ups and downs and also to know when he needs space to let him to it on his own but to check in and say when you are ready to talk know I am here.

[rapunzel]

Every situation is different. I think there is hope though. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. My ex is also experiencing depression that he confided in me about other over a month ago. We've started seeing each other again over the last few weeks after a 9 month break up. He also told me he is afraid of hurting me. This is pretty classic. (I recommend the book "Make up Don't Break up" which describes this exact thing that men, and probably sometimes women as well, often say). Things are going pretty well so far and I know there are no guarantees, at this point it could go either way. That's the nature of life after all. I'm just going with the flow, leaving my options open, enjoying the moment and being thankful for the time I have with him. I do love him but I love him enough to let him go.

 

Because nothing is permanent and everything is always changing, the most important thing is to practice self-love, be kind to yourself, do the things that make you happy and trust in the knowledge that you will be OK no matter what. When you love yourself you can love others fully and without fear. You can love them enough to let them go, to give them the freedom to leave if they want to. When you give someone this freedom and you let them know you love them enough to let them go, it releases the pressure and if it is meant to be, he/she will eventually find their way back to you.

 

You should never judge, demand, whine, be clingy, pressure, need an answer now - it usually has the opposite effect of what you want, pushes people away and/or sets you up for an unhealthy relationship. Be loving, gentle, patient and give him space....live your own life, don't drop everything if and when he wants back. He should have to work his way back to you. Let him go into his "emptiness" and realize how much he misses you and needs you.

[ccali78]

That was perfectly stated and exactly what I plan to do.. It sounds like things are going well for you and you are right you have to love yourself first. Keep me posted as to what is going on and any insight. Knowledge is power. I will defintely read that book. I love to read and learn about myself.