Revelations

[Loris]

Some of you may remember that I've been seeing this girl that I don't fancy (its been just under 4 weeks since NC from my ex). I went to see her last night as we agreed to meet down the beach. I managed to tell her that I wasn't ready for a relationship towards the end of the day. She said that she thought that was the case as she keeps on suggesting that she stays round my place and I keep telling her how I have things on and don't have time as I'm concentrating on getting a job sorted etc.

 

I always remark about how she should do her own thing with her friends but really don't think she has a great deal to do and is always thinking of things for us to do, which I'm not comfortable with. I said she could come over Tuesday if she really wanted but best not to stay over as she has work and I've got things to do. Anyway, I left not feeling bad but she seemed a little meloncholy.

 

The thing that left me feeling really odd was what she said earlier in the day. I was catching up with all the gossip from work and she said that she thought my ex and her new fella had split (if you remember, my ex was seeing her ex). She said that she hadn't seen them together at lunch or any other time for a week or so. I remarked about how odd it was as I knew they'd booked a holiday together, which I thought was a bit extreme as they'd only been seeing each other for about 2 weeks before announcing that to me. She also said that she saw this guy flirting and having lunch on a number of occasions with another girl he'd been seeing previously. This girl was acting all coy by playing with her hair and all giggly etc, you know, giving all those stupid signs.

 

I really didn't know what to think. I felt sorry for my ex as I did tell her how this guy was, as he's a bit of a player, and now it seems she's succumbed to it. Another thought was that this girl I'm seeing was creating a bit of gossip herself, maybe fabricating things to see how I'd react and might have been misinformed. I could be paranoid as my trust in women has plummeted significantly since my break-up!!

 

She then asked me if I'd contact my ex to see if she was ok! I replied by saying "Why bother? I'm done with that now. She can have her cake and eat it". I'm really suspicious of what's going on. The girl I'm seeing also told me that one of my ex's friends came to see her at work to ask how she was and told her that he was going to Greece with my ex and her friend. He know's we're seeing each other so is just stirring, knowing that she'd tell me, which she did.

 

I feel like making contact with my ex, as I feel satisfied she is probably feeling worse than me right now! I now know why she sent me that email with the job on it. I think if maybe she'd still been with this fella she wouldn't have bothered, and I also think she was half-hoping I'd reply, which I haven't. I'll be 4 weeks NC on Sunday, have potentially got a job lined up and should now know by next week if I'll be in work. Then my healing process improves greatly. When I know this I'd feel as though I can contact her and not talk about the relationship, crack or be needy. I still think about her loads but I don't feel as though I'd get upset if I talked to her. I've even said to myself that I can confidently tell her that I no longer want her back as she is not what I want anymore and there is no future for us, so she can get that notion out of her head. At the first sign of her getting pissed off, I'd just hang up.

 

I know you'll all say 'don't contact her' but I feel I can make this move next week and it gives me plenty of time to think about it from now. I'm not in any hurry, it'll just be a "catch-up" chat. I'm a lot stronger than I was 4 weeks ago and I never thought I'd make it this far. I really feel positive as I've worked so hard to find myself some work, it gives me an opportunity to tell her what she's missing out on (again) and I want her to know she's made a big mistake (again) without actually saying those words. To be honest, if she said to me "Don't contact me again" (which is very unlikely) I doubt I'd lose any sleep over it. I've worked hard at improving my life and I know it may improve further with or without her - it doesn't matter to me either way. I'm making a good life for myself and things are turning positive again.

 

4 weeks does seem like a good record for NC and it'd suck to break it! I want to keep going to see how long I can do it for, but I also feel good enough about myself to speak to her and not be concerned about her now.

[Panda2008]

So how would you feel if you rang your ex expecting her to be miserable, but find that nothing has changed, she is still with this other guy and is wondering why you are contacting her?

 

It could be that your new girlfriend has more than one agenda. If she likes you and you are not 'playing the game' then she could be telling you all sorts just to get a reaction out of you. You don't have any *proof* that your ex has split up from her ex... or do you?

 

Also, and this is just my opinion, I think it's pretty weird how you are seeing her when you don't fancy her - is it just so you can get all the gossip on your ex and her ex? Be careful you don't hurt her feelings if you're not interested in having a relationship with her.

[Loris]

Nope. I told her last night I wasn't ready for a relationship so I guess that's it - I wouldn't even call her a girlfriend. More like a rebound. As for gossip, she told me. I didn't ask and she was probably looking for my reaction.

 

You're right. I have no proof my ex has split from her fella and chances are nothing would've changed. She's still the same person. At the end of the day I'd be contacting her to see how she was and catch up. It doesn't seem like such a good idea now though. But like I say, even if she was still with this guy, it wouldn't really bother me as I would still feel the same as now. I guess I've got used to the idea she's with someone else.

[Loris]

I went for an interview today and bumped into a friend of mine that's good friends with my ex's fella. My friend told me that this guy was in Egypt with a mate only my ex told me that she was going with him a while ago. As you'll see from the post above, I was told that this guy may have broken up with my ex, but I now have reason to think otherwise and I'm feeling pretty rubbish about it.

 

I did a thoughtless thing and sent another joke email to all my friends that my ex was included in, as I'd forgotten to take her off the email distribution list. I got an Out of Office Reply back saying that she wasn't back into work for another 2 weeks! I guess that confirms any suspicions that she IS still with this guy and they DID eventually go to Egypt together.

 

However, there is another possibility, although I may be overanalysing things.

 

It is possible that they HAVE broken up, she's taken 2 weeks off to go somewhere else with her friends or maybe she went to Greece (see above post) or to France where her parents live and that he really did go with a mate. I prefer to believe this one but I think maybe it's unlikely. Maybe they broke up, he asked a mate to go, he gave her the money back and she's going somewhere else with her friends? It's driving me round the bend not knowing!

 

I'm starting to go through things in my head about how I can find out whats true but I know deep inside this will only make things worse. Why am I so curious about it? Why must I have this insatiable apetite to know things when really, I know I'd be better off not knowing?

 

It gets worse when I think I was actually going to call her if I found out if I was going to be starting work again, just to catch up etc. I guess the positive thing about this is that I now know I won't be calling her this week and that I'll stay NC for another 2 weeks

[Loris]

Been to the gym today and went food shopping with my bro, so feeling a bit better. I guess I'm just upset about the way I found out.

 

It's starting to sink in that, even though I knew it was over, I always thought sometime in the future there'd always be some kind of reconciliation due to how we always were with each other.

 

Now I'm starting to realise that maybe we will never get back together. Nothing's changed for me, I still feel the same about NC. I didn't get upset about finding out today. I guess I felt let down somehow.

 

Any advice or words of comfort would be really helpful right now. I have a job interview tomorrow that, if I get it, would be a milestone in my life, seeing as I left my job 2 months ago and in the same breath, the woman of my dreams also left. Probably one of the lowest points in my life.

[BrokenDuc]

keep the ball in your court Loris

you were doing so good in the first post, then the story turned sour...