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How do you ask for more romance?


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I just recently voted in a poll on another thread that I don't really need to be romanced in my relationship. I think it can set expectations that can't be kept in a relationship and I'd rather it just happen from time to time, because it's more special that way. However, I feel like my boyfriend never really romances me.


He says wonderful things to me, something I always appreciate and love and know that's from the heart. He made me a mix CD once. This is enough for me most of the time, but I'd like to be surprised from time to time with maybe a sweet note, or a romantic dinner (though he does make something from time to time, his friends are usually around and we're sitting on the couch watching sports, and we've gone out to eat at diners and BBQ places), or something simple like that. I don't need to bought pretty things, I just would like a little romance.


I invited him to go to a baseball game next Wednesday, which happens to be on our three month anniversary, and I'm paying--I'm getting a special deal. I figured it could be the two of us out and eating dollar hotdogs just having a good time. Not really romantic, but something for just the two us to go out and do. Well, he called me tonight and asked if his friend could come along, and the friend would give me money for it. I didn't know what else to say, but yes. I never really made it clear that I was kind of looking at it as a date and I didn't want to turn down our friend for decent, cheap seats and dollar hotdogs. I don't want to be "that girlfriend", but I really would just like to spend time with my boyfriend.


How do I approach him about this? We already had a long talk a couple of weeks ago about spending more time with just each other, instead of his friends always being there or it being at parties, and he was doing okay for a few days but it seems to be the same ol' same ol' again. I just don't want to seem ungrateful for what he does do. I love him and I'm happy, I just think we're lacking that aspect in our relationship.

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I guess we never get everything we want from men. I would like to do more things with other couples, but he is happy with just the two of us. I guess I am more of a social animal than he is. I would like to have friends over for the weekend, but no, that never happens. Maybe we should swap boyfriends;-)

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Haha, maybe.


I like hanging out with his friends. I really do. We're all really close now. But, this week for example, aside from the couple of nights I have stayed over at his place, we've spent maybe an hour alone together the entire week. I'm not asking for a huge change, I just would like maybe one or two days out of seven where it's just us.

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No one can read your mind, and men certainly can't. More often than not, even obvious hints pass them by. If you want your guy to understand that you want to spend at least once a week as a couple and that you'd like the occasional romantic treat, then you have to say it.


"Honey, I really enjoy hanging out with our friends, but I would like to spend some time just the two of us at least once a week. I miss talking to you, cuddling, just being together as a couple. Maybe we could rent a movie and buy some snacks for Thursday?" [and if he still doesn't get why you want to be alone, hint at something sexual...men loove sex]


Reframe everything - don't say "you're not doing this...", "Why don't you do more of that...?", but "I'd like...", "I think..", "I miss...", "I need...". Make it about your needs, not about blaming him. And make sure you compliment him too (like...I really want to spend more time just the two of us, because I miss you/ love you/ think you're the funniest man to be around...)


When it comes to romance, you have to realise that men, typically, are different. They show their love in different ways. On top of this, every individual show it differently too. And people mostly show it in the way they'd like to receive it.


There are "five languages of Love":

1. Hearing words that affirm

2. quality time spent together

3. recieving gifts and tokens of caring

4. having things done for you

5. physical touch and connection


Check out: link removed


Which one/ones do you use? Your guy? Maybe you don't know. In which case, the best way to get more romance out of a guy is to start a discussion called "What can I do to make you feel more loved?". He'll tell you what kind of behavior he sees as romantic (don't be surprised if it's more sex or getting him a beer when he watches the football and if he's a nice guy, he'll ask you the same question. And that's when you have a chance to say you like romance every now and then and quality time ! Then you'll try to accommodate his wishes, and hopefully, you'll get your romance too


Good luck!

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Thank you so much, smiliegirl! That post was really helpful! I guess I was more or less asking how I go about talking to him without it sounding like I'm complaining or being critical. You really gave excellent suggestions. I'll start with the "What can I do to make you feel more loved?" discussion and go from there.


Thanks again!

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