New relationship... seems perfect...

[SheIsPerfect]

I recently met a woman through a mutual friend.. someone we both have known for years..

 

After meeting, we talked about what we wanted from a relationship and she told me that at this point she just wanted to take this slow and see what happens.. I agreed, and we have been nearly inseperable for months now..

 

She has confided in me why she is scared and a little gunshy at this point, and I understand completely..

 

anyway, even though I agreed to take it slow, I am driving myself nuts with wanting more and thinking it may never happen..

 

We talk every day, and sometimes for hours at a time, our children all get along really well, and have become close as well..

 

she has told our mutual friends that I am exactly what she is looking for in a relationship but that she is not ready, and the other day, she told another friend that she is starting to think of me as more and that there are definite feelings there, etc, just that she is not sure she is ready for another relationship..

 

for my part, I have only talked about it when she brings it up, and I am keeping it very easy going and not trying to push too hard, so she remains comfortable with things

 

In the last conversation we had about "us" she was telling me about a conversation she had with someone close to her where she described me and what I was all about.. we talked about how I already could tell she was scared and understood why she was, etc..

 

anyway, what I am wondering now, is how do I maintain the comfortable atmosphere and resist temptation, without losing my freaking mind...

 

SiP

[JMonkey]

An easy way to do to take it slow is to think about what will happen if you push too hard. Likely scenario: She'll get pushed back and you'll end up losing her.

So if you want to keep hold of her you need to take it at her pace, be sensible, I know it's frustrating but don't sabotage this!!

[tangi39]

The first thing- STOP saying She is Perfect ! She's not.

And if she is trepidacious- the last thing she'll want is an idea of perfection to live up to.

I'm glad you like her so well. But if you really want her in your life- you need to take things at her pace.

Don't try to force things- You don't want her to think you're selfishly persuing this for the wrong reasons.

Cool your jets. Just focus on enjoying having her in your life. And if it's meant to happen, it will happen.

Don't get so excited that you scare her away.

[SheIsPerfect]

That is exactly what I am doing.. taking things slow at her pace and not trying too hard to rush things.. I want to stress that things are great with us, there have been no problems, things are going fantastically.. I am here asking because I want to be able to talk freely about what i want with her, to others without feeling the need to talk to her about it at every turn..

 

the people here have been very helpful in the past, its a safe place to talk about it and not jeopardize the progress we are making.. the screen name SheIsPerfect is simpl an anonymous screen name for this topic, since my other one is pretty obvious its me..

 

Thanks

SiP

[Double J]

SheIsPerfect,

 

I recommend that you continue looking around while you continue seeing this woman.

 

As the saying goes, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." She seems a bit unsure as to what she wants. You can't afford to wait around forever if she decides she won't be ready for two years, can you?

[SheIsPerfect]

SheIsPerfect,

 

I recommend that you continue looking around while you continue seeing this woman.

 

As the saying goes, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." She seems a bit unsure as to what she wants. You can't afford to wait around forever if she decides she won't be ready for two years, can you?

 

I am always open to that.. I agree completely.. I understand the why as far as her trepidation, and i won't go into it here, its personal to her, but I will also only wait till its clear that she is never gonna come around...

 

SiP

[crazyaboutcats]

I personally don't see what is wrong with putting all your eggs in one basket. The idea that we need to have 'plan b's, c's and d's ' in case A doesn't work out, seems so cynical to me. If this is love...it's love. There is no time limit on it - or are you in a rush?

 

Take your time and don't write off her trepidation just yet. She might just be naturally cautious, maybe even a little scared of how she feels about you and is trying to cover it up and put the brakes on. Hang in there and just...wait and see and enjoy the journey.

[Double J]

She might just be naturally cautious, maybe even a little scared of how she feels about you and is trying to cover it up and put the brakes on.

 

We can assume a myriad of things. The possibilities are endless; being optimistic is great but you at least have to be open to different outcomes.

 

I really do hope she is interested in him and will soon put her guard down. However, other things are possible: she's not interested, only seeks friendship with him, etc.

 

I don't see any harm in being proactive and continuing to meet other women. Do you apply for one job and forego further job searching until you know for a fact you didn't get that position? Same thing here. It's about broadening your options.

 

At least it will keep his mind busy and his emotions in check in case nothing arises from his dealings with her.