I was weak

[ccali78]

So I posted the long letter in another thread that he wrote me yesterday talking about his severe depression which I have always known he has had and I was not going to respond and then this morning I wrote him a book basically being nice. Why am I doing this to myself. Now he wins. I am the last one that contacted him.

[Clabs]

Hi christincali

 

Look hun - don't beat yourself up - what is done is done and it ain't exactly crime of the century now, is it? Lots of people on here do the same thing. But the thing is that you will soon realise that if you are weak and send something it will almost certainly just make you feel worse.

 

Keep strong and keep your chin up - ok?

 

Mark

[JMonkey]

Emotional blackmail sucks, and it is hard to deal with. I'm not so sure what all this 'winning' has to do with anything. It's no game as far as I'm aware.

 

Just try to remember that it isn't your responsiblility to look after him.

[ccali78]

Thanks Mark and JMonkey. I actually feel better I sent the email. There was no desperation or asking him to come back. Just reaction to his email and letting him know that his depression did not ruin my life and that is a disease and something to be taken seriously.

[Clabs]

No worries hun - and no harm done eh.

 

Mark

[soulalone]

I have found a way to stop the urge to call/email/text. Start a journal, it helps. Today I wrote about 5 pages in my journal. It was a tough day, but I am getting through it. Everytime my heart ached, I wrote in my journal. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I asked myself questions that maybe later I could answer. Start a journal rather than mailing him. Write in journal and even a letter to him, change it everyday....but don't send it. Look at the letter everyday, add some stuff or not...it doesn't matter. He doesn't have to know how you feel.

 

It's not a game, sometimes it feels like it.

 

Time will heal...

[ccali78]

Thanks for the response. I am not doing that well we are going to get together this weekend and watch a movie. I am not sure if that is good but if I back out than he will say I have had enough of her ups and downs I have been cancelling and then saying can we hang out. However I am going to watch the movie with him. And than start the journal process. I think that is a good idea. As I am failing in the other departments.