Help from a stranger

[hecka_bekah]

I really need any opinion I can get...even if it's not what I want to hear. That's what I like about posting online. People you don't know give you their honest opinion and have no prior judgements about you. So I'm asking for help since I'm a complete nervous wreck and I don't what to do next.

 

Well I had a long story that I posted in September but it's so long I'll just ignore it. If anyone wants to read about it they can just click on my name and read previous messages I have posted.

 

Basically I told Jared that I liked him and it seemed to be okay. Though he didn't flat out say he liked me he gave me some hints. That wasn't enough so I told him to be honest. He said that honestly he didn't know and that was so rare. He didn't know b/c I wasn't in any relationships before and that girls tell him how they act in a relationship and that's how he knows if he can deal with it or not. Well there was nothing I could really do about it except get to know him better and become better friends. I decided not to make the same mistake which was to try and force something to happen.

 

So we got to know each other better and I didn't mention anything about a relationship until the night after we went clubbin'. Basically he paid a lot of attention to me, but he was drunk at the club. The next day He was basically acting like it was no big deal and it bothered me that he was saying how he was always confident. So I made the mistake of telling him that someone told me that Jared didn't think he could get a girl. I guess that upset him 'cause he said that he could have had me and this other girl (one he doesn't like at all). I told him I didn't want him to think I still liked him and asked him what he meant. He said that he just didn't think we were compatible.

 

That hurt...but I was strong enough not to cry. I just had to be myself and just become closer friends with him. So we hung out more and everything seemed to be okay. I didn't talk to him for several days once and one night on the internet he said that he missed our talks. He said that three times! I told him I had homework but he seemed to be disappointed and before I left he said that he would call me. I told him yet again that I had to go. He not only repeated that he missed our talks but he talked about hanging out several times...something he hadn't talked about before.

 

Last Saturday we went clubbin' again and I know he really enjoyed my dancing. That night we held hands in the car a couple of times, but he was drunk. I remember one time he told me that holding hands means more than a friendship. We ended up being really intimate that night....he saw a part of me he'd never seen before. Something I didn't let anyone else see. We had a deep conversation, it was great. I stated that I hope it wouldn't be awkward since I thought that someone should be intimate in a relationship instead. I told him how before I went for guys different then him. I wasn't really clear...I meant that he was so different but perfect just the way that he was. I started describing and he said that he was what I had described.

 

We also talked about me not being able to attend the college he attends. He was really bummed about it and I asked why it was such a big deal. He said that it would be really cool if we hung out up there...he sounded so sentimental, but then talked about his friend (the one he doesn't like) and how she got kicked out and wasn't going back.

 

I feel that he's confused about what he feels. He's trying so hard to please girls that he might not know what he wants himself. I basically stated that he doesn't know what he wants since he pleases people and I said that I'm often like that too so I know how it feels. Once I told him that before I usually went for guys with dark hair and dark eyes...the next day....when I went to the club for the second time he had contacts on and his eyes were dark. When we were intimate he kept on asking me if I was comfortable...he wanted so much for me to be comfortable and I wanted the same for him just as much.

 

I haven't talked to him since then...it's been a week. My stomach started to hurt because I had missed him so much. But I can't call him. You see...he thinks it's okay to have friends with benefits and I don't think it's a good idea. I feel that that's what we will be if I don't do something about it now. I think that time out will help him gather his thoughts. It's just so odd that he hasn't called yet because we call each other so often. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do or what to think.

 

My sister told me to just wait...wait for him to call. She told me to just go on with life and if it means meeting other guys, so be it. If he starts to notice that I am starting to go away from him, assuming he is worth it, he will take action. I'm not sure if he'll know what he has 'til it's gone.

 

I'm asking anyone for advice! Thanks so much for taking the time to read this! I don't want to ruin any chance of a relationship or even just a close friendship with him! Thanks again!

 

Rebekah

[MrKawabata]

I think wait for a few days and then call him if you haven't heard from him. I think it best to talk things through myself. The issue of having "friends with benefits" can wait till later but first it sounds like Jared could do with a good understanding friend at the moment who understands him. I think he is trying his best to be a good guy and I think he needs encouragement (why does he get drunk?). For you to go out with other guys I think would make him jealous and compound the problem since your focus would be on other guys and not him.

[Colls]

Hey, why can't u call him? If u wanna talk to someone, then take action and call him. but if theres a good reason then i completely understand. Im just saying dont be nervous to call him, he's prolly waiting for your call ne ways. To me it sounds like he has started to fall for you. He finally realized what he's been missing in you. Maybe he's tryin to sort out his feelings, b/c he doesnt really know what he wants. Like u said yourself, be his friend for now. Find out what he wants in a relationship right now. This may bring things out in the open for the both of you.

 

Good luck with everything

[hecka_bekah]

I see both your points. Friendship is the most important issue and I should focus on just being there for him when he needs me. But I also have to think about myself.

 

This is what I've been struggling with: Is he even interested in me or is it just physical attraction? Nothing more, just the fact he misses actually being in a relationship (maybe that's why I'm getting mixed signals)? I don't want to wait forever, but things happen that make me continue to have feelings for him. When I think I should move on, I get signals that make me think that our friendship is growing stronger. I'm just afraid that I'll be taken for granted. That's why I'm afraid to call him. But what do his actions mean???? Yes, it could mean he's falling for me, but it could also just be a desire for a relationship without the commitment. A desire where I'm just a physical attraction and nothing more. What do you think he's actions mean?

 

Any more advice will be greatly appreciated! I thank both of you for your wonderful advice. I will take both into consideration! Thanks again!

 

Rebekah

[hecka_bekah]

Today I found out why he didn't call. He was gone all week! Today we hung out and now I think that he's probably not interested. It keeps on bouncing back and forth! The reason behind my thinking is because I told him I left my earring in his car (while we were being intimate) and he said "if I had got a nickel for everytime I heard that..."! Like he was showing off or something! I don't want what we did to mean nothing. I'm just so confused! I tried to bring up other guys, but I don't know if it made him jealous. Maybe 'cause he might think that I probably won't start anything with another guy. I feel like he basically wants me to focus only on him. Ughhh....who knows? Maybe next time I talk or hang out with him I'll think he's interested in me. This guy is the most confusing guy ever! lol! Can anyone read his thoughts and actions? Should I ask who he likes? Any other advice?

 

Rebekah