Seeing ex around at school

[jjj87]

So after the break up, we have stayed in pretty low contact, except for one time we went out to eat, where it was made clear she doesn't want a relationship at the moment to figure things out about herself and needs her space(whether this is just a bull * * * * excuse, I don't know).

 

Anyhow, my first question is, we both go to the same college, and I usually see her around before/after my classes. Every time I see her now after the break up, she always gets this HUGE smile on her face, though I am not sure if this means anything. Today I ran into her before one of my classes, and as usual she had a big smile as she approached me, and we talked about school, and I offered to walk her to class but she responded with "You will be late though", but I told her it didn't really matter and walked her to her building just talking about everyday stuff. When we go to her building though, we stopped to talk for a bit and I guess I was expecting a more involved hug, but she did a very loose quick hug, though I am not sure that is because she was 10 mins late to class and was in a hurry or she was just trying to not make it an intimate moment?

 

And my last question is, when I see her around would it be better for me to NOT always stop and chat, or sometimes just wave and smile and just walk off? She asked for her space, and I am just trying to be nice by talking to her (and I will be honest, I like being around her so that little bit of talking calms me a bit), but maybe it would be best to rarely stop and chat?

 

Anyhow, she went home for the weekend, and offered to go out and eat again Monday after classes, more likely just to talk and be around me (she said she likes my company). Is it a bad thing to pay for her meal if we go out to eat at a restaurant?

 

Thanks for your time, much appreciated.

[allesnordnung]

what you do is not correct.. as I see...

 

doing so, makes her more and more way from you.. going to her and chatting with her.. although she told you that she wants to have her own space.. makes you "cheap" in her eyes...

 

prove her that you can afford being away from her, and be cool.. and if she shows you a "HUGE" smile, show her he same.. but stay away from her..

 

*ADVICE: ignore her... dont look at her too much.. then she will come to you.. believe me!

[Mindy1607307824]

Seeing my ex at school sucked. We took ALL the same classes, and even though we ended in good terms and stayed friends, it was SO hard for me. (I broke up with him). He would always want to hang out with me, or hug me, or flirt with me, and it made it impossible for me to get over him. Eventually I decided I wanted to stop talking to him and I switched to a different commission (same classes, different people), because I couldn't deal with it anymore.

 

I just think it makes things harder.

 

What's your story with this girl? Are you still in love? Does it hurt to see her and have this type of contact? Are you waiting for her to tell you that she wants to get back together? Are you being realistic about your expectations?

 

Mindy

[jjj87]

 

What's your story with this girl? Are you still in love? Does it hurt to see her and have this type of contact? Are you waiting for her to tell you that she wants to get back together? Are you being realistic about your expectations?

 

 

Story is long and windy, but I still love her yes. It doesn't really hurt that much to see her though, more so a relief, but I already know she doesn't want to be with anyone (or just me but she says she needs to figure some things out with herself and learn to be independent again, but I hope these are real reasons, and not just words to cover up the true meaning). So what are my expectations? Well, in all actuality, I would love for things to happen again, however I know that at this time nothing would have changed (well I never had problems with anything, she just claimed to start feeling off about herself), so now that I think about it, I don't really have any expectations. I mean I hurt over it (one moment I am good, next I feel bad), but I know there is nothing I can do.

 

So really, the point of this topic was just to see if you guys thought I was being too "there" or in other words, too intrusive to her space she claims she needs, by stopping to talk all the time and such.

[Mindy1607307824]

Yea, definitely.

When you stop being available, that's when she'll turn around.

[amystar]

Hi there JJJ87,

 

Although my situation is a little different I can still understand where you're coming from. I just got out of an almost 4 year relationship myself. In 6 months I will be going back to graduate school, same department where my ex is working on his PhD. I will most definitely be seeing him around. I'm sure in 6months things will be easier but I doubt the fact that I will have stopped loving him by then.

 

So here is my advice, be civil with her but don't give her any attention. Just wave and smile and walk off. I think you are holding on to false hopes with her. By chatting with her and giving her attention she knows that she can have you anytime she wants and still go off and play the single thing. Give her space and let her come to you. Let her know that you will be OK without here. This is what I keep telling myself these days: You can't force anyone to love you and be with you, if they don't want that, just walk away because there are many people out there who would love to have you in their life. It helps every once in a while. Good Luck!