nervous..anxious...sick

[r3drobin]

well. i've been here before. this site was very helpful to me 2 years ago when i lost my mom, my job, and my relationship. so im hoping it will help me deal with something ive been battling for a very long time and have not been able to conquer.

i am a binge eater and i hate myself. ](*,)

my defense is humor... ive joked about those things forever but never have i truly put it out there and dealt with it.

i honestly hate myself. from my looks to my personality i am a horrible unattractive person.

and i spend almost every night lately stuffing my face with food beyond the point of feeling physically sick and mentally exhausted from the guilt. then i fall asleep with grand thoughts of starting over again "tomorrow".

 

tomorrow never comes.

[tbickle76]

I think that for you food offers a temporary solace for your depression. You eat because you know it will alleviate the depression. But it's only temporary. You have to start forcing yourself into habits that will help you in the long run.

 

One thing you could try is to get a membership to a gym and instead of sitting at home eating, force yourself to go exercise at the gym one night. Even though you really don't want to just force yourself to go. Tell yourself that it's just for one day and if you hate it then you can go back to eating tomorrow. I think that by the end of the day you'll feel like you accomplished something and you'll feel better because you'll know that you're on your way to becoming more attractive which will raise your self esteem.

 

Your depression won't go away overnight but each week you'll be able to say that you feel at least a little better than the week before. Just focus on the progress you make. I would also recommend meditation, at least for me it helps relieve anxiety and it improves my concentration and focus.

 

Also try to get out of a negative thinking pattern. You don't have to look at everything in a overly positive light, but in a realistic light. Like if a guy turns you down for a date don't think it's because your ugly or a bad person, just chalk it up to not being his type or something. I struggle with fighting off depression every day and some days I loose it, but I'm definitely more stable than I was a year ago. You just gotta keep trying every day.

[Haven]

This page helps me a lot when I'm thinking negatively about myself. It's a little silly, but I think it's very true. You don't have to be a certain way to deserve love, whether it's from yourself or from someone else. Just by being a human and a person, you deserve love. link removed

 

My suggestion is to find something else you like doing. Then, when you get the urge to eat, go do that other thing instead of eating. I've never actually applied this method to eating, but it works with other things in my experience.. I used to do certain things every day, feel horribly guilty about wasting my time and not bettering myself, and think 'oh, well I'll do something else tomorrow' and then I would just go and do the same things again.

 

Try breaking the cycle somehow. Tomorrow, before you start eating, think 'what else could I be doing?' And as soon as you think of something, go and do it - don't stop to think about it! Just do it. Don't worry about what will happen, or whatever... just do it. And hopefully that will be a first step.

 

Sorry I can't give more helpful advice. But you definitely do NOT have to be a certain way in order for people to like you. You don't have to be a certain way in order for you to like yourself. You just have to do what you want to do... do you really want to spend the rest of your life binge eating? You are powerful, you have it all in your power to change your life now. It will be hard and it will take a slow, gradual process, but if you want it badly enough, you can start changing now. Best of luck.

[r3drobin]

oh thank you very much for the replies. ive been thinkin that i set this up to email me when someone replied... ive been checking my email but not the forum! so ive been thinkin...ouch... noone said anything.

 

anyway... ive been thinkin about this site since i posted and honestly been too busy chattin/flirting online to strangers looking for something to fill this obvious void in my life. i am going to turn this into a journal here instead of postin in the threads. i think thats what i really want...is just to get it out there...when im feelin it i do like to write...and funny, i have tons of journals around the house that ive started a thousand times.

so anyway...im gonna post over there. thank u for the support, come visit me at my journal if you like...

 

love and light