I have no close friends....

[infinitism]

Hi. I'm a guy in high school and this has been the case for almost my whole life. I have a lot of friends at school (as well as a few enemies) but it seems that I can't become more than just "aquaintance friends" with them. I want a group/clique where I can belong and call someone up just from being bored, or at least someone other than my parents I can share my innermost feelings with. I know that sounds really gay, but that's how stuffed up I feel whenever I'm extremely bored and always hear about "this groups did this... this group went to the mall... etc etc". My AIM conversations never last more than 5 minutes at the most, even if one gets started at all. I've tried many methods and been through a variety of help sites but I can't find a way to change myself for the better.

 

Any suggestions would be appreciated,

Ben.

[Haven]

I used to feel that way too. I never had a group/clique in high school. All I wanted was for a group of friends that I could count on to want me to hang out with them.

 

The irony is, now I have one, and they get on my nerves a lot. While I think they are great friends and great people, there is definitely a LOT of drama (even though we're all in our 20s already). It gets old after a while.

 

The problem with being in a clique is that you never get to meet new people. And if you do and you want to hang out with them, everyone else in the group thinks you're shunning/insulting them by hanging out with the new people rather than the group. It's like you HAVE to hang out with the group. Once you make it clear that you are hanging out with people who aren't in the group, you are no longer part of the main group anymore. Because that's the definition of being in the group. You can't hang out with anyone else.

 

I don't think you have to be in a group/clique to have people to share your feelings with. It's possible to befriend just one or two different close friends. Not everyone is in a clique. Find those people and hang out with or talk to them. It's really easy to tell who's in a clique, even after high school, because they're the ones who are interested in talking to you and getting to know you. People who already have a set group of friends, who don't plan on expanding their friends network at all, won't be interested in talking to you or hanging out with you. In a way, that makes it a lot easier to make friends, because you don't waste time with people who aren't interested.

 

Trust me, it is REALLY hard to get into cliques (unless you're really good at getting along with people), and once you're in one you have to do everything they do to stay in it. It is possible to be in more than one clique, but still... you're not going to get very far in terms of meeting new people, since you're always hanging out with the same people. While this probably doesn't sound like a big deal now, I know a number of people in groups who complain a lot about being single. Well guess what? They're single because they always hang out with the same group of people and don't make an effort to meet or spend time with anyone new.

 

Anyway, I don't know if all of that applies to you, but hopefully you can find something useful. Again, I really think you should focus on making friends who aren't already in cliques, rather than trying to get into a clique. Good luck!

[arcadefire]

I felt the same way in high school. I hung with a group of acquaintances but since I didn't have a car I wasn't able to hang at their house or whatever they all did. It made me feel left out.

 

I find it better to have a few good friends than a group of okay friends. The better friends that I made in high school still contact me even now after college. And they'll come. If not high school then college is a prime opportunity as well.

[Creative]

I always wonder what I should have done when i was still in highschool.

 

What grade are you exactly?

 

I think if you're in say Grade 11, you might want to meet more acquaintances than loyal friends. That way, you'll be able to open up a conversation with them when you go to post secondary. It's a pretty good skill to have too cause you're able to adapt to any environment quickly.

 

When i was in HS, i just play soccer most of the time. Where there's soccer, I am able to make any friends there and be "in" after playing a few times with them.

 

You may want to find your thing. Mine was soccer. But if you want to think long term, you should build the skill to chat up with anyone & make acquaintances.

[YabbaDabba]

I know this is going to sound like an over-used cliche but the best thing I ever did in high school was GET INVOLVED. Join clubs. I'm serious--that way, no matter what, you're hanging out with people who have something in common with you. When I started high school, I only had one friend from middle school. My freshman and sophomore years didn't suck, but they weren't great. At the end of 10th grade, though, I asked my only real friend to join a club with me. She didn't want to do it but I, uncharacteristically, joined anyway--it was the best decision I ever made. I collected a bunch of new acquaintances, but formed a real friendship with two girls who were also in the same clubs as me. We weren't a "clique" but we had some good times.

 

Also, I had a good time in high school because I forced myself to. I didn't allow myself to get caught up in the whole, "Why can't I be like them?" mentality. And I could have. I was shy, quiet, chubby and relatively friendless while taking honors/AP classes with all of the rich, popular, pretty girls (and quite a few good-looking guys, mind you). But once I decided that I'd only care about me, I had a much better time in high school. A word of advice: don't stress too much about high school, anyway. A lot of the time, you'll have a clique in high school but once you graduate and move on to college or whatever, you sort of drift apart. I don't know if you plan on going to college, but if you do, the friends you'll make there will, in some cases, be much more valuable than the ones you had in high school.

 

I'm about to finish college and I've had a "group" of friends since freshman year; we've added people in over the years, but it's basically the same core group. I have three roommates--two of whom I love like sisters. In college, you'll find people you love like family. I'm not kidding. People who will shape and change you for the better. People who will give you some of the most lasting memories of your life.

 

High school seems like the most important part of your life, but afterward, you'll think, "Okay, why was I so stressed about all of that, anyway?" In the meantime, find a few people that you get along with. JOIN clubs. Put yourself out there. I guarantee that you're not the only person having the thoughts you're having, so you should take a chance and start the conversation(s) with people. It really is up to you.

 

Good luck.

[infinitism]

I always wonder what I should have done when i was still in highschool.

 

What grade are you exactly?

 

I think if you're in say Grade 11, you might want to meet more acquaintances than loyal friends. That way, you'll be able to open up a conversation with them when you go to post secondary. It's a pretty good skill to have too cause you're able to adapt to any environment quickly.

 

When i was in HS, i just play soccer most of the time. Where there's soccer, I am able to make any friends there and be "in" after playing a few times with them.

 

You may want to find your thing. Mine was soccer. But if you want to think long term, you should build the skill to chat up with anyone & make acquaintances.

 

I'm going into 11th, and I noticed that I've become somewhat more friendly wiht the people I made a club with. I wouldn't say they're at the level I can confide in, but we're planning on doing things over the summer together. Hopefully there is light.

[Lily04]

Well I just graduated from college and had some friendships throughout but lost all of them due mainly to my own personal insecurities and problems I was going through. Some drifted apart, and some I didn't trust or they broke my confidence in some way as a friend... sort of depressing. So I'm in the same boat: 23 at the moment, with almost no friends. As a result, I've been forcing myself to go out to more political events to meet like-minded people. It's somewhat worked: I've made quite a few acquaintances in a short amount of time these last 2 weeks or so. But mainly of those are also guys who are only my acquaintances with the hope of dating me (often which happens) whcih really SUCKS because I have no intention of doing so... also why I am somewhat friendless... in any case, one obstacle for me is that a lot of the events to meet people tend to be expensive and as I don't have a job at the moment but a lot of expenses, it's difficult for me to go out. You may feel the same... I'm going to try to do something a bit less expensive until I'm able to secure employment...