It is so hard

[zeevegal]

Ummm let see. My bf is/was my high school sweetheart. We have been together for the last three years.

He cheated on me and we broke up for three months (Dec -Feb). We didnt talk or see each other the whole time. Then he started calling and trying to get me to contact him. I didnt want to but it was so hard to listen to him cry. So I started talking to him again.

 

Things were great the first couple of months (Feb-May), but I am very paranoid and I have always had a lot of trust problems with everybody. I told my self I would not get to attached but it was hard and I did. We would stay on the phone all night when we are not together. We text and call all day. So I was getting used to the hang of things.

 

Yesterday he had his number changed because some girl would not stop calling him. I had not heard anything about this till yesterday and was completely thrown off. He said they had exchanged numbers because he wanted her to work for him. But she kept calling so he changed his number. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to worry and that he was going to deal with it.

 

Yes I would have really wanted to know that somebody was harassing him. I am with him every weekend so I know who calls him and i have never heard of this person before. But he said this was all happening this week, so she couldn't have called last weekend. So I just said let me go check your phone records (online) and verify that you haven't been talking to this person a lot. He said no. I demanded, so when he said no, I said I can't do this anymore. He accused me of investigating him.

 

I really think I could have moved on from this if I just checked his calls And verified his story. I think he has to prove himself to me now, he has cheated on me before. So when he gets defensive, I automatically think he is lying and I feel stupid for even being with him again. (My WHOLE family knows what happened. EVERYBODY who knows me, knows what happened between us. LOL. it is sad I know.)

Only a few people no we are back together because I was so ashamed to tell them.

 

I miss him so much. I hate to see him cry. He said the only way for me to get over my trust issues is to stop trying to verify everything he does. I'm just confused.

 

Any opinions........

[DN]

You either trust him or you don't. If you verified his phone records and he is telling the truth you still won't believe him the next time he does something that arouses your suspicions - and they will be aroused at almost anything.

[Litgirl01]

You either trust him or you don't. If you verified his phone records and he is telling the truth you still won't believe him the next time he does something that arouses your suspicions - and they will be aroused at almost anything.

 

I agree...and that is such a bad place to be! You really have to think about this relationship...it is hard to rebuild trust when you are betrayed! It can be done...but both members of the couple have to be willing to work hard at it!

[dreamwarrior]

No trust, no relationship...period...once a guy loses my trust he is done...no going back...never go back to your ex..move forward with your life not backward...start fresh and new with someone else...why rehash old relationships?? I know for sure most of the time in life once you walk out, break up, or whatever it never is the same again....and if you get back with someone it probably won't last long...How do I know I tested the theory several times and never once did it work.

 

Who cares if he cries...poor baby...he should have thought about your feelings how you may have hurt or cried before he started waving his weenie around.

 

Don't worry dear...his cheating is no sign of something wrong with you...it's all about him...because you cannot control what other people do or be a babysitter to him.

 

If he wants to mess around then let him go....stand up and take charge of your life and never allow another person to have power over you.

[wheezy84]

I have the exact same experience. He cheated and left me. I never knew he cheated. I was a loser for a while and begged him to come back, but moved on once I knew he was with someone else (still didn't know he cheated). He came back, I found out he cheated but accepted him anyway. Ashamed yadda yadda..

 

Could not trust him. Quarrelled almost every single day. He blamed me and started treating me like * * * * . Then he left. And blamed me for not being able to trust him.

 

I still don't trust him. Never will again. Once someone lies and you find out all about them, it's hard to trust again. How can you trust someone that has lied over and over to you? Yes, I understand, you love him. So did I. I never wanted to see him cry too, but I don't trust him. And part of me HATES it SO much that he cheated and lied to me. Yes, part of me wants him beside me, but for what? You'll never get over it. (Maybe some do, but I couldn't and CAN'T)

 

Trust me, dump his ass and move on. At least you'll have your dignity and confidence, unlike me.

[amure]

he obviously had something to hide. like you said, he needs to prove himself to you now because he did cheat. you have every right to get up him for this