Am I being Used?

[inoccent2004]

I am 18 and my ex is 23. I love him so much, and he means the world to me. Recently we broke up because he says that there is something that just isnt clicking. I did nothing wrong to this man. I never cheated, lied, or abused him. But he would push me away from time to time. He says that he still loves me, and cares for me, but something is telling him not to be with me. THe only time i talk to him is when I go into his work, and say hello. Everyonce in a blue moon I will talk to him on the phone. But lately the only time he has called me is if he wants me to come stay the night. And it only seems to be for one thing, SEX. He then When I am there tells me that he wants to be with me and what not, but then when I talk to him the next day, he starts his $hit all over again, I am hurt. Ive been abused in past relationships. But he only abused me mentally. what to do? HELP

Dawnyale

[lil_mamarains13]

Sounds to me like he is using you for SEX. It is hard I know how you feel to let go, but you need to do just that. Mental Abuse is still abuse. In my opinion it is worse than physical abuse. I was abused mentally also, and it messed my world up. I guess you would say I was also sexually abused by this man because he only came to my house to have sex, and the worst part is he had a girlfriend, but if I did not agree then he would threaten me in some way. He would threaten lives of people I love and care about deeply or he would threaten to cut the screen on my window or threaten to mess my truck up. You need to be careful because this kind of thing can throw you into a deep depression, and then it will be very hard for you to get out. Good Luck!

[Mar]

Once again, a case of someone wanting all the plusses and none of the minuses of a relationship. Think about it-"something wasn't clicking"??? Come on, that's ridiculous. Something clicks enough for him to want to have sex with you when he's in the mood, now, doesn't it?

 

Think about this long and hard. Right now, you're being used, plain and simple. It's very easy to say the words to someone when you want something they've got (i.e. "I think about us getting back together" when you're having sex) and then push that person away the next day when you've been satisfied.

 

Have some self-respect and call the shots for awhile. If he calls and wants you to come over, tell him you're busy and it's not convenient for you, and the reason being that it's not convenient to be used for sex when he's in the mood and happens to want it! Point out that little fact to him and see how he reacts. If he gets defensive, ask him how HE'D see it, if he were in your shoes. Because you're not getting very far right now in rebuilding this relationship, and he's certainly not putting any effort into it! Wanting you to come over for sex is NOT working towards resolution, much as he might try to put it that way. If he's not willing to work at resolving the issues you had, and avoids discussion of getting back together, or ANY discussion, as he seems to be doing, BUT expects you to still have sex with him, then you have your answer right there. Good luck, I hope I've shed some light for you...

 

Mar

[Boromir]

Hi there, I am a guy and have played this game myself. Don't fall for it. Giving him what he wants in this case may bring him back, but mostly because he'll get lazy and complacent, as all guys to when they hook up with a girl for awhile. It is like settling. . .

 

I know being with him is what you want, but don't be used. Your exes are about the easiest people to have sex with because it is familiar ground.

 

Try not going over and you'll see him get a little annoyed.

[inoccent2004]

I give him what he wants tihnking that he will give me another chance. OMG i lovew his so much, but I cant handle all of this damn pain.

[little_bear]

and find out what's wrong. if he cant explain it, just leave... I know it's easy to say "leave" and actually very hard to "do it". Just tell him what you want, and what you will do if you dont get what you want. Tell him you feel like being used for sex, as you said in the posting. The only time he called me and asked if I want to stay for the night...

 

Wish you all the best

[routerx]

I think you need to stop sleeping with him first of all. Unless you are MAKING LOVE, you are doing yourself no good.

 

You deserve better.

 

Also, you are 18 with a great future ahead of you. I would suggest focus more on your future (education/career) and less on this guy.

[little_bear]

Because I'm 18 and dating a 34 years old man. I always doubt that he loves me... and I always question myself as you do... Is he using me for sex?

 

Well, I think you should be more clear than anyone else. here are some questions that I sometimes use to ask myself when I am in doubt:

1) Does he care about you? (school, family, work...etc.) Does he remember that you're having finals, and call to ask to see how you're doing? Does he ask about your work or supervise you when you have problems?

 

2) Does he ever tell you to finish your homework or study before going out to see him? Or does he want to be with you even though you need time for yourself?

 

3) How does he prioritize his friends, work, or family... Another word, who does he spend his weekends/ holidays/ vacations with?

 

4) Do you know where he is or what he's doing at this moment? I think this is a very important, because it shows the intimacy and closeness of your relationship, and how much you know each other.

 

Well, I'm not an expert, or filled with experience, it's just what I'm learning right now. My boyfriend and I are together for about 6 months, there are lots of drama, but overall, I'm happy, and I believe this is the main reason why I'm still with him.

 

Wish you the best, and hope that we can continue to share our experience.