moto_rider Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Hi I found this forum on google. I'm a guy. I'd really appreciate it if any of you would offer me some friendlily advice and words of wisdom. I'm young (22) and I have only been in two serious relationships. Last night I know for sure it's over with my GF (19 yo) of 3.5 years. Over the years things were great with the occasional arguments followed by a week or two of cool off periods. We always make up after. Not this time. Last night I realized she had already started to date another guy she met for 3 months. I know because she told me and I met him on the same night (he came because he didn't want me to talk to her). She told me I've been a real unloving BF. She said that her friends' BFs did this and that and I didn't. She told me it's all my fault. She implied that she despises me because I'm ready to grow up and focus on my career while she just wants to go party, get drunk, and get high. She thinks I'm cheap because I didn't rent an expensive limo for her prom night while her friends did. She told me I've been unloving because I don't take her to the movies as often. For her, watching movies at my condo wasn't enough. One time I warned her about a guy friend she had that wanted to steal her away from me. She didn't believe me because she had known him since grade 7. Now finally she told me that I was right all this time and she never apologized for doubting me. During our talk I apologized for the things I did wrong and I even did so for things she did wrong. Because telling her wrong wasn't going to solve anything. I know her well and I know that she has a problem with admitting to mistakes. Anyway, I'm heartbroken because she even flirted with that guy in front of me. Told me I'm worthless, and etc. Told me I'm unadventurous and anti-social because I don't party often. A bit about me: - I'm Chinese. My ex GF is Caucasian. - motorcycle rider - beginner skydiver - beginner dancer (latin ballroom, swing, salsa) - snowboarder - business student - beginner stock trader I really don't think I'm that boring. I'm 6 ft tall and 170 lbs. I go to the gym often. I really want to forget about her ASAP. The thing is her 17 yo sister and 14 yo brother likes me a lot. So does her mom. I like them too. Often I go jogging with them. So chances are I will still be seeing my ex when I hangout with her siblings. What advice do you have for me. It hurts to think about her and the nasty things she said to me. Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Hi I found this forum on google. I'm a guy. I'd really appreciate it if any of you would offer me some friendlily advice and words of wisdom. Welcome to ENA! I'm young (22) and I have only been in two serious relationships. Last night I know for sure it's over with my GF (19 yo) of 3.5 years. Just so I get this right, your 22, she is 19, together for 3.5 years makes you 18.5 and her 15.5 when you two met? How long was the other serious relationship and how old were you and her when you two started dating? Over the years things were great with the occasional arguments followed by a week or two of cool off periods. We always make up after. Not this time. Last night I realized she had already started to date another guy she met for 3 months. I know because she told me and I met him on the same night (he came because he didn't want me to talk to her). This is an immature and WAY disrespectful act on her part. Bringing her new BF with her to have a "break up" talk with you is obsurd! I wouldn't have even agreed to talk to her once I saw him. I am sorry that you had to go through this. OUCH! I will just say... I AM GLAD ITS OVER BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU! No self respecting, mature woman would do such a thing. She told me I've been a real unloving BF. She said that her friends' BFs did this and that and I didn't. She told me it's all my fault. Well she needs to wake up! She can not be comparing you to her friends BF's or her ex BF's because every man is different. She implied that she despises me because I'm ready to grow up and focus on my career while she just wants to go party, get drunk, and get high. Well I applaud you for wanting to make something of your life. LOL. How can someone sit there and say "your such a loser! all you want to do is focus on your well being and better your future". LOL. I despise her for wanting to act like a child, party and smoke herself retarded. She thinks I'm cheap because I didn't rent an expensive limo for her prom night while her friends did. She told me I've been unloving because I don't take her to the movies as often. For her, watching movies at my condo wasn't enough. She seems to be a spoiled little brat. How did you manage to make it 3.5 years with her? You should have said "Britney spears bought her husband a Ferrari and a nice Harley... Why can't you buy me a nice sports car and a crotch rocket? Dam your such a cheap A$$!" lol. One time I warned her about a guy friend she had that wanted to steal her away from me. She didn't believe me because she had known him since grade 7. Now finally she told me that I was right all this time and she never apologized for doubting me. If she really respected you then she would have ended contact with this guy or at least had a talk with him and said to chill out. During our talk I apologized for the things I did wrong and I even did so for things she did wrong. Because telling her wrong wasn't going to solve anything. I know her well and I know that she has a problem with admitting to mistakes. Very mature on your part however I wouldn't have said anything to her while her new BF was sitting there. The only thing I would have said was "You two make a cute couple, I wish you the best" and then walked away. Anyway, I'm heartbroken because she even flirted with that guy in front of me. Told me I'm worthless, and etc. Told me I'm unadventurous and anti-social because I don't party often. Seriously man, she did this because she is trying to justify her being an idiot. By trying to make you out to be the bad guy, she will temporarily feel better about herself. That is until this new guy figures out how crazy she is and leaves her. Kudos to you for not exploding on her. A bit about me: - I'm Chinese. My ex GF is Caucasian. - motorcycle rider - beginner skydiver - beginner dancer (latin ballroom, swing, salsa) - snowboarder - business student - beginner stock trader Unadventurous huh? You seem pretty extreme to me. I am glad you have these hobbies because now you can fully focus on your life and keep your mind off her. Get out and do some of these things a lot more. Try to meet a nice girl while you are riding your motorcycle or dancing. You will be much better off dating a girl that shares a common interest with you. I really don't think I'm that boring. I'm 6 ft tall and 170 lbs. I go to the gym often. I really want to forget about her ASAP. The thing is her 17 yo sister and 14 yo brother likes me a lot. So does her mom. I like them too. Often I go jogging with them. So chances are I will still be seeing my ex when I hangout with her siblings. Its nice that you established a great relationship with her siblings but I would suggest cutting off your ties with them because thats the only way to stay out of her life. Let her feel the loss. I am sure that she will hear it from her family about how bad of a move it was to end things with you. This will be punishment enough for her. What advice do you have for me. It hurts to think about her and the nasty things she said to me. Break your ties with her Focus on the bad parts of the relationship whenever you feel that you MUST think about her. Continue to point out the good things about yourself and better those positive characteristics. Hit the GYM a little harder, go dancing a lot more and start to mingle with other ladies. Just don't rush into anything. Try to find a lady friend that you can go out to movies with. One that can show you that not all girls are immature like your ex and one that can help occupy your mind and encourage you to keep striving. Good luck to you man. You will get trhough this. You seem much stronger than most people are when they go through a rough break like this. Link to comment
moto_rider Posted May 17, 2008 Author Share Posted May 17, 2008 Thanks for the kind words. We met in high school and started to date when I was 18 and she's 16. Our birthdays are half a year apart but technically we dated for about 3.5 years. Yeah you are right. I just need to get busier, hit the gym harder, etc. Thanks again. Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Did she ever tell you about the things she didn't like about you before you guys broke up? I mean, it's one thing if she told you about them before and you didn't bother to try to work things out and it's another when she tells you all these things when she's breaking up with you. I mean, how are you supposed to know if she didn't tell you? Link to comment
moto_rider Posted May 17, 2008 Author Share Posted May 17, 2008 Did she ever tell you about the things she didn't like about you before you guys broke up? I mean, it's one thing if she told you about them before and you didn't bother to try to work things out and it's another when she tells you all these things when she's breaking up with you. I mean, how are you supposed to know if she didn't tell you? Excluding what I said earlier. She said she hated it when I ""acted like her father"". All I did was telling her don't get drunk so much, and stay away from weed. She hated it when I told her not to get involved with multilevel marketing business (marry kay). I have a marketing diploma and I know how MLM operates. I told her to be a little more frugal. She hated me for it and now she still has about $500 unsold marry kay products sitting there, and $900 in credit card debt. She never actually made profit from doing it like I had told her but she didn't believe me. I don't know why I loved her. Now come to think of it I really don't want her to be my wife. For some reason I still feel the pain. I blame myself because I thought if I had been more persuasive and supportive with her she wouldn't hate me so much. For a time I wanted to tell her "what she wanted to hear" instead of "what she needed to hear". Her friends tell her what she wants to hear and she loves them. When I tell her what she NEEDS to hear, for her own good, she hates me. Link to comment
bobsiesprincess Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 I don't know why I loved her. Now come to think of it I really don't want her to be my wife. For some reason I still feel the pain. I blame myself because I thought if I had been more persuasive and supportive with her she wouldn't hate me so much. For a time I wanted to tell her "what she wanted to hear" instead of "what she needed to hear". if you two were right for each other you would still be together. its hard and it hurts, but you need to realise that you deserve to be with someone who really appreciates you and who would never let you go. and you will find that person. theres really no point in blaming yourself, or thinking about what you could/should have said or done, cos you cant change it now, and if you acted differently you wouldnt have been acting naturally. you want someone who will love you unconditionally, not if you change certain aspects of your personality. come back here and post when you feel down, there will always be someone to listen. feel free to pm me anytime. Link to comment
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