She ended cos arguing, has new bf, sorta likes me but wont talk, but now is on break with new bf!!?

[spanish89]

Aloha im not gna write much cos im crying too much too.

 

Me and her were incredibly so so so close and lovey n affectionate for half a year.

We both v v clingy and so thats why we got together and were always so close and happy.

 

 

She was always so so desperate for me, wanted me so so much!!

 

 

However for the last 3weeks we had LOTS of arguing, until it finally got to teh stage where she ended it, and as she is very clingy and didnt want to be alone she got straight with a new boy (who she claims has more in common with her).

 

 

 

Since then 3weeks ago almost i tried huge love letters n cards, presents, no contact, light contact, flowers n poem delivered in person....

 

 

Despite what everyone says on here about 'no contact will get her back', it was the 2x after i gave her the card n presents, and then the flowers n poem in person that she unblocked me on msn and talked 2me a little..

 

(She said in texts that 'she wasnt going to change her mind' and 'theres nothing i can do to get her her back' and that shes moved on...,

But then unblocked me on msn later both evenings and talked to me).

 

 

 

 

She has now told me when i asked her that if she knows that she just doesnt like me for how i am n my personality and knows she doenst ever want me back to just tell me..,

But she said that she does still like me for how i am n look, and feels that she might wnat me back 1day, but feels like she wants to be with someone else for some time...

 

 

She then said that she ended it with me because in the end she didnt feel the same for me as we were always arguing so seeing me was more a chore rather than soemthing she enjoyed, and it made her fall out of love with me..

 

 

 

Ive foundout now that she has been with the new guy 3weeks but they are now on a break for 6weeks because they were arguing so much always, and she thought it must be cos of stress from their upcoming exams, and so they on a break now for 6weeks till after exams..

 

 

 

Shes unblocked me on msn again now but wont reply to me when i even say hi, and wont reply to my texts even when i just say hi what you upto.

 

 

 

 

PLEASE DO NOT SAY 4 ME TO JUST MOVE ON OR FORGET ABOUT HER, COS IVE MET ENOUGH GIRLS TO KNOW THE ONLY EXACT TYPE I WANT, AND THAT IN 1000S UPON 1000S OF GIRLS WHO I CHATTED TO SHE IS THE ONLY 1 I WANT.

 

 

 

But plase please can you give me any advice on what you think will actually work now in me getting her back???

 

How can i show her that we wouldnt argue in the future, when she wont even talk to me to give me another chance??

 

 

And how likely do you think it is that when she and this guy breakup that she will then wnat me back not another ne guy???

[MushroomGod]

You will argue in the future and you can't force someone to be with you.

[eurocar]

I doubt anybody here told you NC would get her back. In 99.9% of cases, it won't; it will just help you heal--but at the end of the day, that's the most important thing, isn't it? Wouldn't you like to be happy, not needlessly desperate and hopeless? It sounds like she isn't ready for you now. And, nothing you say or do at this point in time is going to change that. The only thing that might is time.

[Aviatormy]

Aloha im not gna write much cos im crying too much too.

 

Well you blew that one because you ended up writing a short novel anyway.

 

Me and her were incredibly so so so close and lovey n affectionate for half a year.

We both v v clingy and so thats why we got together and were always so close and happy.

 

This is called the honeymoon phase, this is natural and happens in most relationships. A couple always wants to be together during this phase, you feel inseperable and NOTHING seems to be wrong.

 

 

She was always so so desperate for me, wanted me so so much!!

 

No girl is ever DESPERATE for you. They just show a powerful level of affection. The only things that living creatures are desperate for are Food, Water and Air.

 

However for the last 3weeks we had LOTS of arguing, until it finally got to teh stage where she ended it, and as she is very clingy and didnt want to be alone she got straight with a new boy (who she claims has more in common with her).

 

There is such thing as an "arguing phase". This is another test of true love. If she ended the relationship because of a lot of arguing then she was not as "desperate" for you as you thought.

 

 

 

Since then 3weeks ago almost i tried huge love letters n cards, presents, no contact, light contact, flowers n poem delivered in person....

 

This is the "nice guys" way of trying to get a woman back into their life. Why didn't you do all of this while you two were so in love? You may have bought her flowers, wrote her poems or love letters but perhaps you over did it. A nice bouquet of flowers and a love letter are acceptable and work only when the relationship is going well. They lose their sentimental value when they are given out of worry or loss of your significant other. It is very possible that by doing this, you pushed her away even more.

 

 

Despite what everyone says on here about 'no contact will get her back', it was the 2x after i gave her the card n presents, and then the flowers n poem in person that she unblocked me on msn and talked 2me a little..

 

This is because she has a heart. She probably felt sorry for you and wanted to let you know that she does not hate you but she is finished with the relationship until you learn to be a man about things and deal with your self pitty.

 

P.S. I am not trying to be mean to you but you seem VERY needy and whinny so you need someone to tell you how it is and be blunt about it. This is the only way that you can ever fix this problem with your relationship. Take it as constructive critisism

 

(She said in texts that 'she wasnt going to change her mind' and 'theres nothing i can do to get her her back' and that shes moved on...,

But then unblocked me on msn later both evenings and talked to me).

 

Same as a above. She is basically telling you that she is not going to be mean to you but you should save your money and thoughts for someone else. If I were her I would have just started NC with you from the get go. It is pretty messed up of her to give you these little "scraps" of attention when she knows that you are still obsessed with her.

 

 

She has now told me when i asked her that if she knows that she just doesnt like me for how i am n my personality and knows she doenst ever want me back to just tell me..,

But she said that she does still like me for how i am n look, and feels that she might wnat me back 1day, but feels like she wants to be with someone else for some time...

 

And she may be telling you the truth. This could be her subtle way of saying "Ok, you want the truth? You are a very nice guy and I still have some feelings for you but you are driving me crazy! if you would just relax and take things a day at a time and stop worrying so much about wheter or not I still love or like you then maybe this would go somewhere. I think you are a great looking guy and I KNOW that you would do anything for me but you are SMOTHERING me. I feel that I can not breath around you because you are so consuming of me" IMO

 

 

She then said that she ended it with me because in the end she didnt feel the same for me as we were always arguing so seeing me was more a chore rather than soemthing she enjoyed, and it made her fall out of love with me..

 

This is because I am sure that at the beginning of the relationship you portrayed a lot of self worth and confidence. She looked at you as a prize and someone who whe had to chase after and EARN your affection. Once you got comfortable in the relationship and started to really like her, you started to get insecure and worry about losing her. This happens to just about every person in a relationship but the majority of people dont act on these fears. They just trust the person that they are with and keep being themselves. It's very easy to maintain a relationship when it is new because there is a lot of excitement involved. The attraction is very strong and you learn something new about this person everyday.

 

 

 

Ive foundout now that she has been with the new guy 3weeks but they are now on a break for 6weeks because they were arguing so much always, and she thought it must be cos of stress from their upcoming exams, and so they on a break now for 6weeks till after exams..

 

This shows a little immaturity on her part. Not only did she argue with you a lot, she is running into the same problem with the new guy. A big reason for this is because she jumped right into another relationship before she had enough time to get over the problems that she had with you.

 

 

Shes unblocked me on msn again now but wont reply to me when i even say hi, and wont reply to my texts even when i just say hi what you upto.

 

This is your time to shine. If you have sent her more than one message without a reply then you need to stop talking or trying to get in contact with her all together. She could be testing the waters by seeing if you react to her not replying in a negative way. If you stop trying to get in touch with her and wait till she contacts you, she will be able to see that you have been working on your problem as far as smothering her. Give her some time brotha, she will eventually respond.

 

 

 

 

PLEASE DO NOT SAY 4 ME TO JUST MOVE ON OR FORGET ABOUT HER, COS IVE MET ENOUGH GIRLS TO KNOW THE ONLY EXACT TYPE I WANT, AND THAT IN 1000S UPON 1000S OF GIRLS WHO I CHATTED TO SHE IS THE ONLY 1 I WANT.

 

YOUR NOT OVER HER AND THATS WHY YOU CAN NOT SEE YOURSELF WITH ANYONE ELSE.

 

you need to relax and realize that there are other girls out there and the only reason why none of them compare to her is because you are still infatuated with her. If you want her then stop smothering her and acting so needy. You will never get her back while acting the way you are now. Realize that you don't NEED her in your life. Just realize that your life is a little better with her in it and that there is plenty of things that you can work on to try and get her back and NEVER lose her again.

 

 

 

But plase please can you give me any advice on what you think will actually work now in me getting her back???

 

1) stop smothering her

2) when you talk to her stop asking her about the past. Just tell her about the present. Talk to her about the fun hobbies that you have picked up and how exciting your life is (even if you have to lie).

3) Pick up a few hobbies that occupy your time and release some of this tention that you have built up inside.

4) DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP AT ALL!

 

How can i show her that we wouldnt argue in the future, when she wont even talk to me to give me another chance??

 

No matter how much you work on yourself or how much she works on herself, YOUR STILL GOING TO ARGUE. The only thing that you can show her is that you have calmed down and got your own life. If you do get back together then try to learn how to blow off the little things that bother you. My GF and I used to argue all the time but we made an agrement to not argue for a month and just write down the things that bothered us. When she would do something that bugged me or I would do something that bugged her, we would blow it off, write it down and then discuss it at the end of the month. By the end of the month we were both embarrased about some of the things we wrote down because they were absolutely STUPID. 99% of arguments should not even take place because the reason for being mad is childish and immature.

 

 

And how likely do you think it is that when she and this guy breakup that she will then wnat me back not another ne guy???

 

At this point, slim to none. However if you learn to control your emotions a lot better then I would say the chances are good. The real question is, do you really want to get back together with a girl like her that jumps back and forth in her relationships?

 

Do me a favor and start working on your issues by reading this forum. It helped me out A LOT!

 

link removed

 

Good luck man. I wish you the best!

[Hosvius]

well man the best advice i can give you is to NOT be so clingy bro. the balls in her court she has you by the balls. the presents and etc. NO GOOD it only shows you are weak and that she has total control over you. give her the same respect she gives you. dont be mean or anything just dont give this type of attention any gratitude. take this time to work and better your self. go out have fun get in the gym better YOU. you know you want her, she has to want you now. show her you respect her and her decision give her space, give her some time to miss you and think about her actions. ive been through this before. the BEST thing to do is to do nothing at all, know why? because you cant make any mistakes that way GO NC. she will ponder and wonder man... what happened to him, i promise you she will call, and when she does dont be the first to pcik up and the whole omg i love n miss you ordeal.

 

feel free to pm me bro if u need to talk remember keep the faith

[DeviousDevil]

These guys are giving good advice, it is a lesson that needs to be learnt. I hope I've learnt my lesson with my ex-fiance, that is for certain.

 

You've got to keep your own personality, have your own life and not be scared of losing the other person. That isn't to say you aren't loving, affectionate and attentive, but that you don't end up smothering the other person and come over as weak.

 

It got so bad with me, that I felt effeminised, summed up when my ex-fiance said "I don't believe you ever played rugby." I was totally mortified, but looking back I can see what had happened.

 

What is annoying is that I've made the break, I'm recovered and yet she isn't in any way shape or form ready to try things again as she is miserable and in escaping the relationship has probably burnt too many bridges.

 

If you end up, like I did, putting most of the effort into the relationship, it hasn't the value. The only consolation I take is I did stick up for myself when she turned cold and didn't totally fall to pieces when I felt completely destraught. Another consolation is I know she'll regret it, she'll never have someone as good as me.